Are “Men from Mars and Women from Venus”?
Although I don’t believe in stereotyping, I think John Gray’s book poses an interesting question. Is there anything you wish your opposite sex would better understand about you or your own gender? I would have to say that compartmentalizing how both men and women react in certain situations is not necessarily healthy, and that we are more alike than we realize in terms of expressing our feelings.
Hmmmm! I would have to disagree on the part that we are similar in terms of expressing our feelings. Although certain behaviors can be learned such as communicatin and listening, not everyone comes into the situation armed equally. I really think it depends on how evolved each individual is, and how self-actualized they are. If you meet someone on your level, the chances of your communication skills balancing and the chance of you understanding each other is more likely.
Communication is certainly key. Sometimes women tend to get frustrated when a man does not automatically understand why they are upset, when they have not taken the time to actually communicate the why. When each truly know the other, that's best.
Hi Social minds. I agree with both you and Faith...communication on the part of the individual is key...but I think this is based on the person, and not automatically on gender. Thank you for your answer.
No, most men and women are frustrated because they refuse to accept (real) gender differences exist between the two sexes!
Naturally this leads a lot of folks on a mission to try and "change" one another. The goal is to find someone who (already is) the kind of person you want to be with and not trying to re-invent people who have "potential".
If a woman wants a man who is romantic but the guy she's with can seem to remember her birthday, anniversaries, or Valentine's Day then she has to decide if that is a "deal breaker" for her. If a man wants a woman who enjoys sports then he needs to find one who is (already into) it an so on.
You have expressed a lot of truth here in your interesting answer.
Thanks for that answer. i think some differences do exist, but also that we are more alike than we think when it comes to being understood.
Actually, both are created by the God of the Holy Bible. The woman was created from the rib of the man. The man was created from the dirt and the breath of life from God Almighty.
The real research says that women and men are more alike than different.
John Grey faked having a doctoral degree in psychology. He's never done any research on the topic of men and women. He's was the ad man for Maharishi Yogi. As that, he learned how to capture people's attention.
The reason that the book sold is because it gave anyone an excuse to blame their partner when things went wrong. After all dumb bell is from a different planet. There was even a doctoral thesis analyzing this and it came to the same conclusion.
Another interesting answer, and I have not read Jon Grey, so I cannot comment as to his work, but you have provided interesting insight.
Billy: Did he really? Oh my...that's a shame. I had heard various criticisms of his book...my only criticism was in his using compartmentalization, rather like index cards, as an easy fix to better understanding.
Interesting question, Genna.
I do believe we are more alike than not in that both men and women need to be understood for who they are and truly listened to, and when that happens, we are better able to communicate to the opposite sex knowing they genuinely care about what we are expressing to each other. I know most women do possess great intuitive skills to where sometimes it is that we just know what's going on with the opposite sex without any words being spoken, just by body language and their actions or reaction. However, I want to be careful to not stereotype anyone too. I think men may get so frustrated when they do not understand us, but when women do not take the time to express what we are feeling, some men are not able to read between the lines unless we clearly state what is going on with us instead of leaving it up to the man to kind of guess, even if we believe they should understand without us feeling to need to spell out every little thing. I think that both men and women have a great need to be respected and truly value when the opposite sex really is listening to our hearts in whatever manner we choose to express ourselves. Sadly, although some may understand what the other may need, some hearts have grown cold and just put up a wall and do not care about the other and are just having the mentality of ...what about me and my needs ...
Wonderful answer Faith. I agree in that women can be more intuitive. Also, we can't automatically assume that our menfolk will "know" when something is wrong without taking that time to express what we are feeling. I've seen that as well. :-)
Thanks, Genna, and that goes both ways for sure.
John Grey is not a good author, and he lacks authenticity as a human being---but I hear what you're saying. That being said, there are real differences between men and women. In the end, we want the same things--like love, understanding and appreciation. However, we have different ways of getting from A to Z. In general, men are not as practiced about sharing their feelings as women are--at least not in our American culture. This can be problematic, as bottled up feelings will either blow up or fester into resentment or depression. I only mention this because men's lack of verbal communication is frustrating for the woman.....and her wanting to address things right this minute is annoying for the man. At any rate, despise our different communications styles, it is possible to navigate the waters of romance--so to speak. We just have to understand the cues and delve a little deeper into understanding what our partners need and what makes them feel valued. Doing so takes time, committment, patience and the ability to stay and untangle the "drama" even when the other person bungles and makes things more complicated than they already are.
Good points. I've only read parts of the book as I tend not to ascribe to stereotypical perspectives or that recipe card fix to problems. I wasn't aware of the problems with his reputation. Thank you for that very thoughtful answer.
I read parts too. Actually, it was kind of interesting. I was referring to Grey's character more than his writing style. I know you're not ascribing to "recipes."
I know, savvy, thank you! The recipe-fix I attached to Gray's explanations. I appreciate your thoughtful answers. :-)
After contemplating this briefly, I have hypothesized a theory about this. I do tend to want to believe that women are from Venus. After all I find a significant amount of women hot. As far as "Man" goes, I find them somewhat like me simply cold. As far as I am concerned no men are hot.
I propose since significant amounts of women (including my daughters) have been instructed to distrust men until they are well known & well intended, that it would have been logical to first meet on a neutral rock. Perhaps rather logically it would be warmer than the "man" rock and colder than the "woman" rock. Thus why not meet between the 2nd rock (Venus) and the 4th rock (Mars). That would be the 3rd rock from our Sun! For the sake of cold "man" I propose it would be wise to meet (in the) Eve and as far as A dam "man" is concerned, just do it!
Without overstating the obvious, men and women are "different". That's not a better/worse evaluation. Men and women often prioritize differently. Men and women in a relationship may demonstrate different capacities or talents for socialization, for the utilization of space and volume, for mechanical aptitude, for nurturing, for intuition, for logic, for time management, for finances and budgeting, for assessing character traits and body language, etc.
My wife and I have been married for 32 years. I readily acknowledge there are differences, and I'm thankful we rely on them, on each other's talents to accomplish what we must. We've raised two children (a daughter and a son) to independent adulthood, and that was a team effort, but it was clear from infancy that our son and daughter were equipped with different talents. We're very pleased with both of them, but they express themselves and communicate differently.
We do well to acknowledge the differences and employ them to mutual advantage in the relationship, in child-rearing, in developing a home. On differences of opinion, find WHAT is right, not WHO is right, because anything less is a pointless exercise without long-term benefit.
As individuals, we may have different "buttons" or boundaries, and we do well to learn what and where they are, then tread lightly. My wife and I have been through a great deal together, and I continue to admire her. She seems to tolerate me well. We're both equipped with a sense of humor that has gotten us past a few challenges.
As a suggestion, don't doubt that there are differences. It is the synthesis of those differences that complete us. Learn to rely on each other's judgment and discuss everything of importance. If your intended mate is incapable of discussion, does not trust your perspective, does not believe that your opinion is valid and contributory, cannot balance or compromise, cannot objectively accept some of your viewpoints or priorities, do NOT turn that into a marriage!
Genna, i know from experience between myself and my wife that men and women are very different in their thinking and often approach the same problem in completely different ways, often for the same outcome. Often by working together and finding a compromise the final product or result turns out much better than if one of us did it alone. So I feel our differences usually compliment each other. Our feelings and the expression of them can be different but as long as one doesn't expect the other to see everything the same way they do it can work out well. It's sort of like a symbiotic relationship in nature where two very different things work together for the benefit of each other. My hub "A Space Shanty" was originally going to be called "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" but I decided against that.
Thank you so much, Jodah, for sharing your wise insight here. Perfect!
Loved your answer. I think we are different, but I’m not sure if we are from different planets. Hubby used to , “Genna you are like a plane circling a runway, not wanting to land,” when I explained something, “Please, honey, get to the point.” Lol.
Our very make up make us different. However, as we grow older, both men and women each develop the anima and animus in each of them, making them more complete. Those who evolve more incorporate in their beings both the male and female characteristics. Sometimes, as we grow older, the tendency is to even grow stronger in what makes us different. At times, the men become more caring and the women take on more the male strength. Isn't it nice to be able to grow and integrate both these elements? I have to admit that at 63, am still far from this integration.
I don't think we are alike. To a certain degree maybe, but we react differently in most situations. I read an article on how the brain of a man is a like a storage room with many boxes that don't touch each other. Each box has it's own functions or use e.g. a box for the house, another for his friends etc. Women on the other hand connect everything, the house is connected to him, he is connected to his friends. We see things differently, interpret and react differently.
Brenda, I agree to a certain degree. Perhaps not as widely different as Mars and Venus.
I was a Lesbian for 30 years:), then one day, 4 years ago, I fell in love with a male, an alpha male at that. We were having problems, then I worked it out, I was treating him like a girlfriend (woops),I am still getting used to the male difference:)
My husband loves to say women talk much more than men. and I love the old joke. A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men.
Excited to prove to his wife that he had been right all along when he accused her of talking too much, he showed her the study results. It read "Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000".
The wife thought for a while, then finally she said to her husband "It's because we have to repeat everything we say." The husband said "What?"
Men are "Fix it as quickly as possible" by nature. If you want to come home and rant about a coworker and problems you are having at work, a man doesn't want to sit and talk he wants to fix the problem and move on. Our ancestral cave man went out hunting alone, he would sit up on a bluff looking over his hunting land to provide the big kill for his family. That buffalo meant meat, skins to keep warm, bones for tools. it was important and life sustaining. The men of the tribe would spread out of great distances to improve the odds of getting the big game. The woman stayed at home with the kids and gathered berries planted corn and cooked the meals with the other women. she was more social and more talkative to delegate chores, communicate with the kids and the other women of the tribe..so basically yes we are "wired" differently. We do things differently.
I have a question for your question - why did they choose those two planets?
Good question. i think it is because of the disparity in the "personality" people often associate with the two.
He chose Mars because it is the Roman God of War all that is Masculine and Venus as the Roman Goddess of Love and Passion all that is feminine.
What about the satellite Pandora for women - they go both ways and Neptune for men 'the God of the sea'?
Mr. Gray never said why he specifically chose those particular planets perhaps they are more common and easily associated with the eponymous metaphor in his book: that men and women are from distinct planets(Men are from Mars Women are from Venus)
It is just strange if it was for the names. Not all men are into war and not all women are into love. Perhaps there was another reason.
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