Are women aware most men only pursue women for dates that they're physically/sex

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  1. dashingscorpio profile image87
    dashingscorpioposted 2 years ago

    Are women aware most men only pursue women for dates that they're physically/sexually attracted to?

    At the end of the evening a man attempts to kiss her. She turns her head or pushes away.
    The man leaves after the rejection feeling used in some way and the woman is offended feeling as if the guy had a sense of "entitlement". Just because he took her out he expected to make out! She only said yes to the date because the activity sounded fun or she had nothing else on her calendar. Do you believe political correctness allows women & men to hide their true agendas for approaching dates since neither side openly states their motivation to the other. Do we even care (why) he/she asked/said yes?

    https://usercontent1.hubstatic.com/12891468_f260.jpg

  2. iggy7117 profile image74
    iggy7117posted 2 years ago

    I go both ways on this one, if I see someone and like their looks I may try getting to know her. If I am around someone that I did not find attractive at first I can develop these feelings being around them. I have became attracted to their personality and sense of humor. This made them sexy to me in another way, or I realized they were sexy and I never paid attention.

    1. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I can see that. However would you say most men pursue women for dates they're physically attracted to for spending their money/time with?
      I suspect most don't court women they find unattractive. And yet they act as if sexual attraction isn't...

    2. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Hmmm Interesting. I've never met 1 of those men U say ACT as if sexual attraction isn't the reason they ask a woman 4 a date. I know the guys who have that clearly written over every inch of them. The panting & drooling gives them away sometimes.

  3. Aime F profile image83
    Aime Fposted 2 years ago

    Yes, I think most of us are aware of this.  But the hope is that being attracted to us is just the first step and that the point of the date is to actually get to know us, rather than paying for dinner in the hopes that we'll make out with them.

    Honestly, this is why I hate the idea of guys paying for everything when dating.  I don't know if it's just my personality - maybe other girls have no problem with it - but I really struggle with someone spending money on me and then deciding I don't like them.  There's always something in the back of my mind saying "he paid for me and now I owe him something."  I think it's dangerous territory.  You could go into it with the best of intentions, thinking you might actually like a guy, and realize by the end of the date that it's not going to work out.  But then if you turn the guy down for a kiss or for a second date it comes across as you not taking it seriously or just using him for a free meal.  Girls might feel pressured to fake interest or do something they don't want to do for fear of looking ungrateful. 

    As for intent, I think it's common courtesy to not let a guy pay for you and take you on a date and think there might be something there if you know that you're not interested.  I've had guys ask me out who I KNEW I wasn't going to be interested in and I would never say yes just because I was bored and had nothing else to do.

    1. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      "I've had guys ask me out who I KNEW I wasn't going to be interested in and I would never say yes.." Do you know women who'd say yes to a free meal, concert, play, or whatever knowing they have no interest in a guy?
      Both genders ignore motives.

    2. savvydating profile image95
      savvydatingposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Aime, whoever does the asking pays. Don't ever worry about his bruised ego. Any man who expects more than your company is not worthy of your time. No woman should be treated like a prostitute. If he doesn't understand this---that is not your problem.

    3. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Excellent point! Oftentimes it's not about expectation but rather both men & women may assume they use the same criteria for date selection! Men rarely pursue women they find unattractive! He assumed she said yes because the attraction is mutual

    4. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      & he may be correct! The attraction MAY B mutual  OR it may not B, but she chooses to go on a date anyway, 4 the social aspect, 2 enjoy his company. I've dated men I'm not attracted 2 & had a great time!  & men I AM attracted to & it

    5. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Very true! I believe people especially the young & naive often "assume" they're reading from the same book & have the same motivations for doing things!
      The misunderstanding/gender differences upset them. Some folks only focus on what they w

    6. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I will swear by ONE thing. I would NOT want 2B a young single adult today, unless of course I had the wisdom I have now. Not how it works, damn it!
      ( "250" characters is BS. We all seem to lose our last word or two!!)  Boooo.  not fair!)

  4. fpherj48 profile image78
    fpherj48posted 2 years ago

    Dashing....What a question, amigo!  I need to warn you to keep in mind I'm answering as a die-hard boomer.
    First of all, in my days there was no question whatsoever WHO was paying.  The man was paying no matter what.  I'm happy to say, Aime, never once did I feel I owed a guy anything other than my company!!  LOL  and believe me, that's ALL he got if we had no length of loyal time together. Those were the days.........

    Guess what, at my old age, nothing has changed.  I still owe no one anything.  (Nor does he owe me anything aside from the date itself)

    So, tell me Dashing, are the undertones of your question that men ask a woman out because he's physically/sexually attracted to her and that's PRECISELY what he's expecting?? ~ something physical/sexual?

    We're not naive and certainly not stupid.  We've been conditioned to be suspicious and who can blame us?  Even UNattractive women feel men have one track minds.  Can you honestly say a man doesn't hope for action if he dates a woman who doesn't physically knock his sox off?   Booooo.......I wouldn't believe you!  LOL

    Actually I DO care WHY a man asked me out.  Hopefully I'm not left to guess or assume.  I would like to think that he's (obviously) simply attracted to "something" about me and thinks we'll get along well.  I would also hope that the man knows I agreed to go out with him strictly because of similar reasons.  Truth is, if I feel zero attraction, I would definitely gracefully decline.

    And here I am, offering my thoughts as if I've been asked on a date in the last  15 years!!!!  LOL  Oh well, it was fun anyway!   Paula

    1. savvydating profile image95
      savvydatingposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Paula, I completely agree. If a woman does not kiss a man on the first date, and if he has a problem with that, then something is wrong with him. I too, never feel that I owe him anything but my company, especially on a 1st date. Sheesh!

    2. Aime F profile image83
      Aime Fposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      That's good, I'm glad it's not something all women struggle with, though I know I'm not alone! 

      I personally would rather pay for my own stuff on the first date just so there is no chance of anyone having any expectations.

    3. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      My question is related to (gender differences) and perceptions.
      It seems we have no interest in exploring the motives of each other or we'd rather {assume we're on the same page} instead of clarifying things up front. Some people don't care!

    4. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Aime.LOL  They can "Expect" all they want....a man's entitled 2 his  dreams. Just so he understands I will not be making his dreams come true 4 dinner & a movie that I can buy myself! LOL

    5. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Paula, If you (knew) what he expected wouldn't you simply say "no" to the date? I believe some women (know) what a guy is up to and are willing to play cat and mouse with him rather than just saying "no" to the date  up front.  "Just say no!" smile

    6. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Dashing!! R U serious? How does a woman KNOW 100% "THAT" is the only reason a man asks her out?! How sad. If we thought that 4 every guy..WE'D SAY" NO" TO EVERY SINGLE DATE!! MayB I'm not following U. Read my comment again pls. I explained myself.

    7. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Paula, I'm not saying sex is all a man wants when he asks a woman out. I'm just saying men generally only ask women out whom they are physically/sexually attracted to!
      It's their initial impetus for asking her out.
      They're not into ugly & nice

    8. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      LMAO!!!   Dashing,  I can't (won't) argue that)....& I'd say it fairly certain a woman says Yes more often to dating a "good looking" man! Kind of shallow, but it's brute honesty.

  5. Michaela Osiecki profile image75
    Michaela Osieckiposted 2 years ago

    I really think we need to foster a dating environment where all genders can be upfront about their motives and expectations that come with first dates. We currently operate in a paradigm where we feel compelled to follow an outdated "script" regarding how a date should start, progress, and end. I feel like this paradigm is actually full of toxic messages about how we interact with the opposite/same gender and how we view dating, love, and relationships.

    Open communication and mutual respect for the other human being is the first best step to accomplishing this, but when so many people would rather stay stuck in the paradigm, it's hard to enact any real change.

    1. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Michaela, You hit the nail on the head!
      I'm not saying women owe men anything for going out on date. Men aren't openly transparent about (why) they ask women out and women aren't transparent about why they said yes. Motives are hidden by both.

    2. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Michaela..WINNER! U hit the nail on the head!..Congratulations! I feel like the nail!. I shudder to think what poor Dashing feels like right now. LOL. Talk about misunderstandings! & Savvy & I aren't even BLONDE! There R too many possible ans

    3. savvydating profile image95
      savvydatingposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Michaela....Actually, there should not be any motives or expectations on first dates. What kind of new "script" are you referring to? Is he to say, "I  find you sexually attractive & I want you to be open to my advances tonight?"  That is toxic!

    4. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Honesty is what everyone says they want.
      Michaela's point; If both people approach dating with (complete awareness) of what the motives are for each a lot of these "miscues" could be avoided upfront.
      The goal is to find someone in agreement.

    5. savvydating profile image95
      savvydatingposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Nice try. The "complete awareness" needs to be that two people are getting to know one another by talking.  Your idea may work for gay men, or a bi-sexual men dating a man, but not for heterosexual women. Never will. She thinks and feels differently.

    6. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Savvydating, When did honesty become a "nice try"?
      What does honesty have to do with sexual orientation?
      If one knows what the other is thinking they can make an informed decision. Most people value honesty above all else. It's not men vs women.

    7. savvydating profile image95
      savvydatingposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      No. The 60's (male hippies) told women how they felt upfront and the women went along with it. The dirty little secret is that these males were highly chauvinistic and the women became "really messed up," because they suppressed how they felt inside.

    8. Jackie Lynnley profile image88
      Jackie Lynnleyposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with savvy and personally think when political correctness is the rule of the game then so much for romance or getting to know one another. I mean you have ads and the streets for making it clear sex is all you are after.

    9. savvydating profile image95
      savvydatingposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Jackie. As you well know, women do not use the same criteria re: dating as do men, nor should she be required to for  his sake. Men think of sex every 3 seconds or so. A woman's thinking is much more rounded, but she is sometimes deceived....

    10. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Jackie, The question is about mutual physical attraction not immediate sex! Women have an advantage of knowing a man is attracted to them. Men would rather spend their time with women who are attracted to them too.
      Early rejection is okay.

  6. savvydating profile image95
    savvydatingposted 2 years ago

    First of all, a woman will almost never physically push a man away or turn her head away unless he has said something highly offensive to her. Your question seems to assume that this action is commonplace, but it is not. Yes women realize a man is sexually attracted to her. That's a no-brainer. But that knowing is beside the point. No one should feel compelled to "be sexual" if they don't want to be. Any man who expects a return on his money has a serious ego problem. Such men need counseling.

    1. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I don't believe it's case of "quid pro quo" as much as it is men assuming women use the same criteria for saying "yes" to a date as men do for asking them out. If it's a no-brainer it shouldn't be viewed as if he felt entitled when making a move

    2. savvydating profile image95
      savvydatingposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      False. If he wants some action that badly, he can pay a prostitute. He has no business expecting anything just because he or she is sexually attracted. It's more respectful to get to know her first. What's the big rush?

    3. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Yves...I am with U on both UR comments. Majority of women (closer 2 our age bracket, would)   I GET it now, Dashing!  U wonder if WE know that a man thinks when we say Yes 2 a date, it's 4 the same reason they asked us out? NO, we don't! , I DON'T.

    4. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Again I must point out it's not about a man having expectations!
      It's an acknowledgement there is a gender difference regarding what motivates men to ask women out and why women say yes to the date.
      It's said: "Men fall in love with their eyes."

    5. savvydating profile image95
      savvydatingposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Women say "Yes" to a date because that is the best way to get to know someone and she hopes he wants to take the time to know her as well. If she feels that his motives are purely sexual, she may choose not to have a 2nd date.

    6. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Savydating, We are in agreement!
      What I'm saying is men (initially) pursue women they're physically attracted to. Many men "assume" women say yes to them because the feeling is mutual; But women may assume the date is devoid of romantic interest

    7. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      We're really frustrating U aren't we, Dashing! LOL!  Typical WOMEN. Making it more complex than it is? LOL ~ OK, In my case, I might say YES 2 a date, even if not initially (physically) attracted. How else 2 know what kind of man he is?

  7. DDE profile image25
    DDEposted 2 years ago

    I am aware of this and find that a lot has changed over the years in the men and women and treat each other. I think the lack of respect is a problem between such individuals.

    1. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Knowing how someone thinks puts you in a far better position to make an informed decision. If a woman acknowledges a man asked her out because he's attracted to her and she says (yes) but isn't attracted to him "potential miscues" may arise.

    2. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Hmmm, I've always believed CONTINUAL "MISCUES" are all part of nature....the "Mars/ Venus" thing!!  LOL. If the sexes were meant to understand ea. other, wouldn't we BY NOW??? Breathe deep D.S. we're almost there! just a few more comments! LOL

    3. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Paula, You are too funny! smile

    4. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Wait! I took a good look at that picture~~Damn, I'd push away from that clumsy, pathetically-needy-looking dork too! Dude! U don't LEAN IN w/eyes shut! Face to face, move in..OK? Now wrap ur arms around her waist & yank her in! U ever been fishin

    5. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Paula, LOL!
      Can't wait for your "How To" book to come out! ha ha ha

    6. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I may have just been inspired!  Any book I would write relating to DATING would probably cause a Tsunami.........one way or the OTHER!  Save the bail money.

  8. Gabe Stretchen profile image63
    Gabe Stretchenposted 2 years ago

    Hahaha! Great question!

    I believe that the saying goes," Beauty is in the eye of the beholder;" therefore, one must "hold-her!"

    Men, like I have explained in my latest hub, judge and view life with the natural eye primarily.  Women, however, are beautiful creatures that gaze upon life in the most abstract way. This is why Belle overlooked the hideous appearance of the beast.

    Now to answer your question: Due to various socio-economical issues, our "biological" clocks, our personal self-ambitions, and even peer pressure have permitted a few "bad eggs" to pass through the bunch.

    It is merely desperation. But I often wonder, would these same people who wouldn't question a potential date purchase a car without test-driving it first? Or would we only "eyeball" our wardrobe and never try them on? Or research and compare?

    Hmmmm.... I guess the cover of the book is worth more than the content that lies deep within!

    1. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I doubt the book cover is worth more than the content.
      However most guys won't discover the content if they aren't attracted to the cover.

    2. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Dash!!  Ur MAKING ME WORK HARD! So, U think that women should say, "I'm not going to sleep w/ U & MAYBE never will, so let's not BOTHER dating? OMG! No mystery, no adventure, no discovery? Just SEX cuz that's a man's goal? Now UR talkin Crazy!

  9. tamarawilhite profile image88
    tamarawilhiteposted 2 years ago

    There's a picture on the internet of a really skinny pretty girl in a bikini with a very fat middle aged guy, and it asks how much money does he have or what is his net worth.
    Women tend to prefer security over looks when picking someone to have children with, which is why a lot of old, ugly dudes wanted power / fame / riches - because that could help them attract women when looks wouldn't.

    1. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Excellent point. There are many guys who believe with success they can have any woman they want. They don't have to have a six pack, a head full of hair, or be over six feet tall. Playboy founder Hugh Hefner at age 86 married a 26 year old. hmm

    2. Happylovejoy profile image95
      Happylovejoyposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Totally agree. We often see a pretty skinny young girl with an older not so good looking guy. I wonder what it will be like though if it's the other way round - if the woman was not pretty but have power/fame/riches. Would she look for young hot guys

    3. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Most men are "visual creatures" by nature.
      It's unlikely many 26 year old guys would pursue marriage to an 86 year old woman no matter how rich or famous she was. Most men don't want financial security that badly! smile

    4. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Now UR talkin, Dash..This is really where men & women R different! IF many women are HONEST...the bulge in a man's pants she's interested in, is his WALLET!.  NOT ALL women..but enough of them!  It is what it is.smile  (Of course I would NEVER )  LO

    5. savvydating profile image95
      savvydatingposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I disagree, Paula. I don't care much about his wallet; it's the real bulge that interests me. But if he is a narcissistic jerk, I can walk away without a second thought.

    6. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      LOL..Thanks for your authenticity. I'm afraid I know an inordinate number of gold diggers. Between me and you, girlfriend....I'm not interested in ANY bulges!! LOL I'm fine living my solo life. Happy & at peace. Have family & friends. It's fi

    7. savvydating profile image95
      savvydatingposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Me too, Paula. I am happy alone. What I am saying is that, if I date, I am more interested in his natural "talents" than his monetary worth---and he has to have a strong moral compass. They don't grow on trees.;

  10. Lori Hunter7 profile image72
    Lori Hunter7posted 2 years ago

    Woman could accept men that they are only "eye candy" as well. The first date is nerve wracking for me, personally. I can only imagine how a guy feels. I feel that people are putting too much emphasis on the first date. The first date is for getting to know the other person. No one owes the other person anything. Money is a piece of paper. You can't force someone to feel something for you or not. If you want to kiss the person, kiss them, but if you don't, then don't. If you get to know the person then you will know if they are ok for you or not. Men and women both have agendas. If you communicate with one another and listen then you will find out what the other person's agenda is.

    1. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      "If you communicate with one another and listen then you will find out what the other person's agenda is." - Very true!
      Many women refuse to accept the fact men approach them (initially) based upon physical attraction.
      Men {assume} it's mutual.

    2. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      WELL..THERE U go! We HAVE the solution.U guys need to STOP ASSUMING!! U honestly don't know this about women?  We R the wiser sex cuz we damn sure know what men want!! Holy Moly! UR making me nuts!! Hello? Study please.Venus/Mars. It's elementary

  11. Sherry Hewins profile image97
    Sherry Hewinsposted 2 years ago

    I think most men would know by the end of the date whether a kiss would be welcomed or not.

    1. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      One would (hope) so!
      However apparently a lot of men aren't good at reading signals!smile

  12. Katchez profile image60
    Katchezposted 2 years ago

    I try to think that the same case also applies to ladies, this is because as men requests for dates,get me right no force or command in this case, ladies too think about it before they accept. The acceptance only come after self evaluation of ladies. They can decide to accept the offer or reject

  13. Ken Burgess profile image90
    Ken Burgessposted 2 years ago

    I'm kind of entering into the realm where I am considered an 'old timer' as I am near the 50 mark, so my opinion may be antiquated.

    But unless a man is gay, if he is asking a woman out to do anything, it should be assumed that there is a physical attraction that he would at some point like to pursue.

    I have never asked a woman, nor know of any friends who have asked a woman, out to do anything, without there being an interest in pursuing a physical relationship.

    It may be an 'exploratory' effort to get to know more about the woman, but if it isn't work related, then its being driven by a physical attraction.

    Political Correctness does little to hide or alter that IMO.

    1. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Ken, Thanks for your open & honest answer.
      If women accepted this as fact they'd hopefully turn down date offers from men they're not attracted to. Men mistakenly (assume) a woman said yes because there is {mutual} attraction! Gender differences

    2. savvydating profile image95
      savvydatingposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      What part of "she can't know whether she likes you without first getting to know you on a first date" don't you understand? The only women who accept that premise are prostitutes or highly insecure women. It's no wonder she didn't want a kiss.

    3. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      OMG!! U MEN!!  What PART don't U get?? A "date" has "no strings" 4 a woman, (whether attracted or not!) I don't sleep w/ men cuz they LOOK WOW! Only after TIME & knowing him if he IS WOW, as a person! GENDER DIFF!! Can U guys keep UR damn pants o

    4. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      savvydating , Accepting the premise that men initially approach women to date based upon being physically attracted to them has nothing to do with prostitution!
      It's a fact some women don't want to accept.
      Everyone has some screening process.

    5. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Dash..I'm pulling my hair out in frustration.I hope UR into S&M, cuz if I find U, I'm kickin the crap outta U! LOL. Never mind, just hold still..POW~SMACK! feel that? U awake now?? Why so bent on "saving time?" Is your biological clock running ou

    6. savvydating profile image95
      savvydatingposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Paula, we have here a man who wishes to streamline the process. Not going to happen since women are not men. Dash, I have told men that we can be friends upfront, but they remain convinced "something is there" despite my honesty. Doesn't work.

    7. Ken Burgess profile image90
      Ken Burgessposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      smile I can see my statement was misinterpreted by some, I did not say that I expected sex from the first date, I stated that a physical attraction drove the asking of said date. Whether or not sex occurs on that first date is another matter.

    8. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Savvydating, Your honesty is to be commended.
      I agree there some me you can tell in advance that you'll only be friends and yet they convince themselves they can  "change your mind". smile The male ego if oftentimes out of whack!
      Ken, I understand.

  14. Ameraka profile image86
    Amerakaposted 2 years ago

    Why do you feel a need to go so fast? Is the first date really the time for a kiss? Shouldn't you get to know each other better than one date before a kiss? I mean, just because I don't want a kiss right now doesn't mean I won't want one in the future. Even if I'm attracted to someone, that doesn't mean I want to get physical yet. Women aren't so much about the physical relationship that a man is and men should understand that. Men should respect her wishes and respect her space and be patient if she's like this. Get to know her personality a little bit, I mean long term relationships need a better basis than just physical attraction. That's part of the problem nowadays; everything's so superficial. I want something deeper before I even think about something physical, even as innocent as a kiss. But maybe I'm old-fashioned. That's why I'm wary of dates--men's motives aren't hard to figure out. Even if they're acting nice and giving you things beneath it all they're expecting something in return. Many of them. It's hard to know which ones will be honorable (an old-fashioned term as well). I'd rather not have a relationship than be trapped in one with a man who doesn't respect me.

    1. savvydating profile image95
      savvydatingposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      "I want something deeper before I even think about something physical, even as innocent as a kiss." Amen to that, Ameraka.

    2. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      "Women aren't so much about the physical relationship that a man is and men should understand that." My point exactly!
      Neither gender "understands" or (accepts) how the other thinks! They'd rather change each other.
      Men are motivated by looks.

    3. savvydating profile image95
      savvydatingposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      You are contradicting yourself. You said, "If women accepted this as fact they'd hopefully turn down date offers from men they're not attracted to." The point: women are attracted to the whole of the person, not just how he looks. So she needs time.

    4. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      It's not a contradiction. I'm actually saying (both genders) prefer not to consider {the motives} of the other!
      They just focus on whatever it is (they) want.
      If a man isn't attracted to a woman he usually won't ask her out to get to know her.

    5. savvydating profile image95
      savvydatingposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Deny the contradiction if you wish, but a cursory reading of 98% of your responses here prove otherwise. The question should be: why do women accept dates if she isn't willing to kiss a guy at the end of it." All but 1 female here answered why not.

    6. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Multiple times in my comments I've stressed that men (assume) women say "yes" to dates based upon being physically attracted to them because men only ask out women (they're attracted to). My question was did women know or care why he asked them?

    7. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      & I said I DO care...but WHO asks anyone out theyR NOT attracted to? Isn't that a given? 300lb bald women, w/acne, no teeth, & crossed eyes  might WONDER WHY. Even then, after 2 am. & 8beers, who KNOWS?  This is complex Science Dash-man!!

  15. dashingscorpio profile image87
    dashingscorpioposted 2 years ago

    https://usercontent2.hubstatic.com/12898221_f260.jpg

    Several times I have attempted to explain this question is about "gender differences" in how (men and women) approach dating.
    Both insist upon either not thinking beyond their own interest and considering the possible motives of the other or they don't care!
    A man walks into a nightclub or whatever where there is a group of people and then he approaches a woman. The reason why he approached her (initially) was because he was {physically} attracted!
    He has no way of knowing if she's an accomplished attorney, has her own business, or is a highly respected doctor....etc
    She {caught his eye} and that's why he (initially) approached her!
    Naturally once they go out on a date he'll have an opportunity to get to know her better.....etc
    In essence if a man is not attracted to a woman he generally will not bother to ask her out on a date!
    However many men assume women say "yes" to the date because there was a (mutual) attraction.
    My point is that is not necessarily the case! She may have only been interested in the activity, had no plans for that evening, and has no romantic interest in him.
    Would it not be refreshing if a woman in that particular scenario said:
    "Listen, I know you wouldn't have asked me out unless you were attracted to me. However I want you to know I have absolutely no romantic interest in you whatsoever. Having said that, Bruce Springsteen is my all time favorite singer. If you still want to take me to the concert I'd be happy to accompany you."
    She essentially is acknowledging and accepting the fact that men initially pursue women to date based upon physical attraction while at the same time notifying him she's open to going out with him because of the activity but he shouldn't assume the attraction is mutual.
    This type of honesty could avoid many "miscues" on the dates.
    Another possibility is a woman takes this knowledge about men and decides she'll only date men {she is attracted to} or might be open to potentially having a relationship with down the road after getting to know him.
    However she'd never say "yes" to a date with a man which she knows never in a million years would she romantically consider him. No dates just for a free meal, concert, play, or whatever; without telling him upfront! He's then free to find someone who (is) attracted to him.

    1. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Dash,My my,what is WRONG w/ U? I would no more say THAT to a man, than I would jump off a cliff! If I'm not initially "attracted" to him, I might say YES & after getting to know him, realize I AM attracted to him!  Y reject possibility from start

    2. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I suspect very few women would be upfront with a guy! LOL!
      Just as very few men are upfront with women!
      Women have the advantage of knowing men pursue them because of attraction. He has no idea why she said yes! Honesty saves everyone time!

    3. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      (Imagine I am SHAKING U by the shoulders!) Y must U know Y she agreed to a date? RU interviewing 4 an article in a mag or dating? Practicing to be a Therapist? If she says YES...U do not need 2 know Y!  Just have fun & get to know ea. other.

    4. Aime F profile image83
      Aime Fposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I'm on your side, dashing! I don't think it's courteous of a woman to agree to go out w/ a guy she knows she has no romantic future with. Waste of his time and money. If she's uncertain, then no problem. But I've turned down guys I had zero chem with

    5. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Aime..Sadly I guess I'm old enuff 2B UR Gram. I don't think even ONE time, I KNEW immedtly I had NO romantic future w/ a man. How does anyone? & WHO does that? "ZERO chem"= no date, but 0-chem & No roman futre R 2 diffrnt issues. Don't U thin

    6. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I doubt you're that old Paula! I'm a "baby boomer"!
      Many "dating articles" have been published citing a woman knows within the first 5 minutes if she's attracted to a guy enough to imagine being in a romantic relationship with him or (not). LOL!

    7. savvydating profile image95
      savvydatingposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      What magazines are those, dashing? Cosmopolitan perhaps? The truth is that on a 1st date, men decide if he likes the woman within 5 minutes. The woman needs about an hour or so to decide if she wants a second date.

    8. Aime F profile image83
      Aime Fposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I can't see myself having a romantic relationship w/ someone I don't have chemistry with. I didn't think that was unusual but maybe it is. I agree it's hard to know immediately but most times I've been asked out I've already had a conversation w/them

    9. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I don't know Aime. I'm guessing she's in her 20's (?) My grand daughter is 25...so, that's why I said that. Merely putting a long distance on my alleged dating & relationships  "experience."... Know what I Mean Boomer buddy? Yeahhhh WHAT magazine

    10. savvydating profile image95
      savvydatingposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Aime, if you are 100% sure, I get that---of course. But often times, a woman just doesn't know because it is not necessarily all about how he looks. She needs time to get to know him. That's the part about dating that DS is not understanding. Aaargh.

    11. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Aime..TRUE story. I met a tall handsome man once I described as a pompous, arrogant, egotistical BLOWHARD! He passed away 3 yrs ago. Prior to that, we had a FABULOUS & FUN 14 yr. marriage. Moral..We never know what or who we don't get to know.

    12. Aime F profile image83
      Aime Fposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Chemistry isn't just about looks, though, and often I can feel it (or a lack of it) pretty quickly.  Do you ladies think girls should say yes to everyone who asks her out?

    13. fpherj48 profile image78
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      OH Good Lord, NO!  LOL.  Quite the contrary.  I think as you do that women have a sixth sense and put a lot of faith in chemistry..  Only agree to a date if it feels right and you truly want to go out with someone.

    14. savvydating profile image95
      savvydatingposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      No Aime, we don't think that. I've said "No" to many men, but with a few, I needed more time to know more about them. Thus, going out on a date. I don't expect a guarantee that he will like me, nor should the guy.

  16. profile image57
    ciege the manposted 2 years ago

    Guys only want one thing. Which is a good night with sexy time.

Closed to reply
 
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