How can you get over your partner having an affair? Could you forgive?

1. 58

   twinkle13posted 15 years ago

   How can you get over your partner having an affair? Could you forgive?
   
   My partner started a relationship with a women on a well know social network, he drove 300 miles to meet her and sleep with her. I found out 2 days later and he insisted it was a one off, i am trying to fogive but i can forget, could you?

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2. 70

   stricktlydatingposted 15 years ago

   That's a really tough situation, becausee seriously went out of his way to cheat. He drove 300 miles - Possibly all the time knowing what he was going there to do, that shows serious determination. He was also cheating online beforehand.  I don't think I could forgive my partner, at least not immediately - it would take a long time to rebuild trust, but it's not impossible.  Regarding him connecting with her via a Social Network Site, please ensure if you stay together he is not putting up a profile as a SINGLE man - for example on Facebook you can put up your profile status as "In a Relationship with YOUR NAME HERE" which should tell his online friends he is committed to you. But If I were you I'd be trying to find out more about what he does online. Does he use Dating Sites etc as it might not be a 'one off' situation, it just might be the one time he got caught. You can only do what feels right to you, and I wish you all the best.

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3. 58

   twinkle13posted 15 years ago

   thank you strickly, he no longer needs or wants to be on a social network site now and leave his pc open for me to see what activity he has done. Your right he went 300 miles away to lessen the chance of getting caught (how wrong was he) we talked for days later and he told me from start to finish how it started how he got carried away and yes he didnt give a damn about anything or anyone at the time like you said he has serious determination he was going to do it anyway.
   I truley believe he is sorry, he changed jobs to be nearer to home and went from night to days, we went to counselling, he gave me access to his bank accounts, phone, pc and day by day im getting stronger.
   I have forgiven him but cant forget we both wanted to draw a line under it but im making things worse because its hard for me to move on, he said she was just sex (even though she said she had feelings for him) so he said it was easy to draw a line but i think im ruining things by keep bringing it up and having mental pictures. We have been together 16 years and have 1 daughter so i am prepared to forgive him for 1 mistake but i cant forget i hope time is on my side. 3 months ago i didnt want to wake up again now im a little more positive can 1 mistake be worth 16 years??? Will i get over this in time?? I hope so

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4. 61

   Dark knight ridesposted 15 years ago

   I have to admit, in most things I think it's appropriate to forgive, but I never forget. On this one topic though, I'm not very forgiving. My experience has been that if someone is willing to cheat once, they will do it again. A psych professor once said "the best predictor of future behavior is the past." And if they know that you will let it go, they'll figure they can talk their way out of it again. Of course, sometimes it is a one time thing. And that may be the case here. It's something you have to decide for yourself, you know him far better than we do.
   But with 16 years under your belt, if this is the only issue that's come up, then forgiveness is the way to go. But you won't forget. It will stay there, in the back of your mind. Now it's question of being able to live with it and still move on.

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5. 57

   anisettaposted 15 years ago

   I think that in order to move on to a happier life, we must forgive or try our best to forgive all those who do us wrong, or very wrong such as a partner cheating on us.
   
   However, to forget may be entirely a different matter. Personally, I canot forget that the person went into an affair knowing that I would be deeply hurt. Even more, I would always be wondering if that person is having another affair every second we are appart. In other words, I can try my best to forgive, but I could never trust that person again.

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