I can't leave my kids

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  1. profile image51
    Rider13posted 8 years ago

    I can't leave my kids

    I am married for 10 years with 2 kids, 2 years old boy and a 4 years old girl. My wife and I have been to therapy and everything possible to save our marriage. I am the person that did look for the therapy and is always looking for a “salvation” for our marriage and willing to sacrifice anything from my part to help my wife and my family. I do not have a lover and had never cheated on my wife.
    My kids are very attached to me to the point that my wife sometimes get jealous. When I got home after 5pm from work I take full care of then teaching, taking then to places, playing, feeding etc..

  2. profile image53
    zducoteposted 8 years ago

    Say, im really sorry for what ever i did and how about a dinner tonight and keep the kids here with a baby sitter. so say that to your wife and see what she say.

  3. profile image51
    Rider13posted 8 years ago

    I am tired to take the blame just to make thinks better.

    My wife is a very cold person

  4. Sa Toya profile image71
    Sa Toyaposted 8 years ago

    Sorry to here this.
    I get the impression your a dad totally devoted to his kids and one who loves them dearly.

    You come across like you still care for your wife, which is why you have gone to such lengths to save your marriage.

    But there comes a time when all options are exhausted and you may need to get a divorce.

    If she is not willing to make things work, fix/change them...you have no alternative. Things won't change without her letting them!

    Besides the environment created will don nothing for your kids. They want a healthy happy dad. You owe it to yourself to be a happy individual and you owe to your kids. They are young as well.

    I'm not sure what the best advice is...I am still quite young and far from marriage. But the above was given earnestly and sincerely and I would say the same to a friend in the similar situation.

    Remember leaving your wife does not mean leaving your children.

    Hope I've helped.


  5. GoGranny profile image74
    GoGrannyposted 8 years ago

    Sorry to hear that your marriage is in trouble.
    Is your wife depressed? Has she had any significant losses? Is her health good? Was she this way when you got married? Have you told her you are thinking about leaving? Is she fooling around? Is she lazy? Is she satisfied with the way things are between you?
    Dear Rider...consider these questions. You didn't say what it was about her that is turning you off so. Please give a little more detail...I want to say more.

  6. Lisa HW profile image66
    Lisa HWposted 8 years ago

    What isn't clear is who takes care of the children before you get home from work.  If your wife takes care of them all day, and then you get home and enjoy time with them, then she should realize they're just attached to both of you, the way children are supposed to be attached to both parents.  Children that age (and especially three- and four-year-olds) enjoy having special time with each parent individually.   If she stays home and takes care of them each day (and if she gives them plenty of "quality" attention), then she should just understand that kids love both parents (particularly once they're past being babies, who are particularly attached to their mother).  I'm wondering if you and/or or your wife are placing more significance on the fact that your kids are just used to you being the one to "take over" once you're home.  Kids go with whatever they think "the program is".

    On the other hand, if she works and isn't with them all day, then maybe she needs to spend more time with them in the evening.  That's the only time, each day, there would be for "quality time"; so if she doesn't have that with them then that could be one reason for what's going on.

    Another possibility might be that you mean well and love your children but do "take over" more than she really wants.   You deserve (and they need) "quality time" with you, but they also need that kind of time with both you and her.  If she's feeling pushed aside by your well intended enthusiasm for caring for your children she may actually have good reason to feel a little resentful.  When my children were young my husband worked long hours and was exhausted when he got home.  I was just as pleased to be the one who always took care of them.  I, of course, wanted him to be close to them; but the mother/child bond is powerful and can kind of "call" mothers to a certain amount of "required time".

    I wonder if she isn't really "jealous" of you and the children, and if, instead, she's just angry that the children's relationship with her is being overlooked after 5.  I don't know how correctly or incorrectly about guessed about any of these things, but sincerest best wishes on working it out.

  7. Myster_eswife profile image61
    Myster_eswifeposted 8 years ago

    This is something that people are facing everyday, sounds like your kids love you very much, and wouldn't want to be without you either. If this was to go to court and she tried to take them from you, you can present a good case because you were the one putting forth the effort to make the marriage work, on the other hand you shouldn't stay married to someone because of the children its not healthy for anyone involved. Children of this age sense everything, and believe it or not they know when things aren't right even with mom and dad putting up the front that everything is fine.
    Depending on what state you live in there are certain laws for parenting time and what has to be done before a marriage with children can be dissolved. I would check into some free information from your state on what your rights are as well as hers and see where you stand. No judge is just gonna take your kids away if you are a loving father. I hope this turns out well for you! Good luck!

  8. profile image48
    fxavierposted 7 years ago

    Definitively our Kids are the most important part in our lifes.

    I can give you a web site to find information about marriage problems, may be this can help you


  9. ThunderKeys profile image65
    ThunderKeysposted 7 years ago

    I'm a professional counselor

    If its not to late (responding to your month's old post), I'd say get to an counselor who is trained in an evidence base marital therapy. For example, find an EFT (emotion focused therapy for couples - http://www.ocfi.ca/home.htm) who has advanced or instructor level clinical training. A highly trained Gottman therapist (http://www.gottman.com/49009/Professional-Training.html) with advance training is second best counselor training to eft in the world.

    A counselor with the right training is like the difference between taking a medication that is scientifically proven vs one that is not. Please read my article and feel free to ask for further advise/info.


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