What is it like to go through a separation from your spouse after a long marriage?
I do not know and hope never to find out.
My wife and I have been married 43 years this July. If she should die before me, I can't imagine how I would get over it - I doubt that I ever could. I also dread the thought of leaving her alone without me.
A long, loving marriage has many benefits but a great asset is also always a great liability. Unless we both go together, one of us will someday have great pain.
In the beginning it's dificult to get that person out of your mind because you've been together so long. It's definitly a healing process you will experience. To help you through some of the mental pain and anxiety it's good to spend time with family and friends and discuss your feelings. Get involved in your favorite things to do. Join a health club, go bowling, go walking, listen to some soft music, check out some movies with your friends and you can always start a diary of what you are feeling. If the two of you can remain friends that always helps. Stay busy keep your mind occupied and the stress will gently drift away.
its like i have givan the last 20yrs to a man i dont even know or wouldnt want to know if i met him know.he has left us financially ruined after leaving his job of 25 yrs he is drinking heavily he never contacts his 15 yr old daughter and he is living in a boarding house he says he is looking for work but he has lied so much i cant believe him i sit here everyday waiting for forclosure on the house its in his name so i have no access to records i have 2 jobs trying to keep my daughter and i but i am so tierd i am a strong person but this has triggered an eating disorder i am eating myself to death i have a large family but they all have problems of there own
thanks for listening
Posie - stay strong. I know it is easy for me to say this, but do try to find it in you to bear this tough phase in your life. You have a daughter, so do try to hold fort for her at least. Its such a shame your husband chose to do this to you, after all this while!
I know you say you have a family who have their own problems, but have you at least tried telling some of them your exact situation, if they don't already know? Some family and friends will always find it within them to help you out - even if its in a small way!! You need a good support group and perhaps they can provide you the extra strength you need to get through this phase!
Stay strong friend - Am sure you can come out of this - just don't give up hope or give in to negative thoughts or addictions.
I haven't been married, but engaged. I found out later on that during the 2 and a half years, she lied constantly, cheated, and did many other things. I could be ok with someone being less than perfect, but I can't be ok with someone being a liar. It's hard though. You get into these habits, that will never be the same. Just last night, True Blood season 3 premiered, and we used to lay together after we both got done showering after our long Sundays, in which we would spend with my family, and hop in bed and watch it, because it's a late show. She'd be in her shorts and a tank top, and me in my boxers, and she'd cuddle up to me, and wrap her leg around me. Her warmth was the most comfortable thing in the world, and watching it last night, alone, was hard. No matter how good the episode was, something was missing, and a lot of things are like that now. I truly thought I loved HER, but I loved what she was pretending to be. It's not easy, loving someone so much and then no longer having them around.
I was married for 17 yrs and had two children. The marriage was a difficult one (lots of verbal, mental and emotional abuse on his part) and I did everything possible to save it( tried to talk to him, prayed, cried, changed things about me I thought he didn't like, etc....) but there comes a point in time when you realize that you can only change yourself so much then you begin to lose your true self and forget who you are. My ex husband did nothing to help save our marriage and its been five yrs since the divorce and I have never been happier and I could kick myself everyday for not leaving sooner! My children needed to see that how we were living was not healthy or normal, so I left.
you feel empty and sad because there is a particular part of you that is missing I mean you are addictted to someone and all of a sudden the person is gone and not that you separated through a natural cause,it's hard to figure out the puzzle.
I think it all depends on how good the two of them passed their life together. If they were very happy together then sudden broke up is difficult to endure otherwise to have a separation is better then to endure poor relationship.
I am going through this right now. I hope to have an answer to this question. However, it can't be worse than the loveless, abusive relationship I have lived in for 23 years. Things can only get better.
I cannot speak for anyone else, but for me, it was the most difficult thing I have ever gone through in my life, and I would never, ever want to repeat it. When you spend so many years of your life with someone, regardless of how difficult the marriage is, - they are still a part of you.
Separation and divorce is worse than a death. Separation should be a time when both parties look within themselves, and try to deal with their own issues, so they can bring out the best in one another again. Too often, one of the parties do not want to work on themselves, and instead, choose to move on, carrying the baggage with them. It is very sad, but it does happen.
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