married 11yrs, very unhappy (both of us), 2 kids. We are thinking about divorce

1. 52

   tburchposted 14 years ago

   married 11yrs, very unhappy (both of us), 2 kids. We are thinking about divorce and living in...
   
   same house is really hard. I am thinking about making up the basement for my living and sleep area????? What about the kids? Or should we just cut all tie's? Thoughts?

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2. 60

   JOE BARNETTposted 14 years ago

   it's the pressures of life that can make it dull and boring. it's no ones fault. but you will blame it on eachother. the kids are your kids. you are their family. just because you and her are bored with eachother, your mother is still your mother or your family is still your family. the problem you have is with eachother, you think. remember if you bust up you may wind up having to get through some jealous boyfriend to see your kids. remember they are your "FAMILY" treat them that way. you and her will be like cousins or something later. don't try to blame anything on eachother. just realize that if it's like this now, it's not gonna get better. you have only one life and in it only so much time. it's not the end but the beginning. and maybe you and her can be friends afterwards.

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3. 63

   dawnMposted 14 years ago

   What work have the two of you done thus far on the marriage?  Have you seen a counselor?  there are small changes that can be made in the marriage in hopes of changing the dynamic of your relationship.  One of you has to start by making a list of what you want out of the marriage, not putting blame on the other but what your expectations of the marriage in your mind is.
   Marriage takes work and you have two children, so  would say try everythng to make the marriage work before spliting up and the whole sleeping thing in the basement what is that going to accomplish?

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4. 72

   dashingscorpioposted 14 years ago

   I say if you both want out, then get out! I know the "political correct" thing to say is marriages take work...blah blah blah.
   You can go meet with someone who specializes in teaching couples how to fit square pegs into round holes, change water into wine, instruct you in the fine art of compromise, negotiating love and affection....(All that B.S.)
   
   Marriage is about finding someone who wants what you want! In order to accomplish this you have to know who YOU are, what you want and need in a mate before you select a partner.
   For whatever reason sometimes whe choose the wrong mates for ourselves. If you wanted an apple but bought an onion instead..Whose fault is that?
   It doesn't mean you have live with that mistake for the rest of your life. Learn from your mistake and make better choices in the future.
   
   If a couple agrees on the major things in life then what is called "work" actually becomes "A labor of love".
   
   Two things I learned a long time ago.
   
   1. You don't negotiate for love and affection
   (These things are given FREELY)
   
   2. You can't manufacture chemistry.
   (It's either or it's not)
   
   Let the kids know you still love them very much.
   They will be spending time with you individually.
   Staying in a loveless & sexless marriage is not a way to live your life. Kids deserve to be around parents who are happy. If being together isn't making you happy then do the kids a favor and do whatever it takes to put you in a better mindset!
   
   Best of Luck!

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5. 60

   mingsjourneyposted 13 years ago

   Kids are happiest when their parents are happy. If you are miserable living in the same house with your spouse, your kids will be miserable too.
   
   It doesn't hurt to take a little break, you can see more clearly, and make a better decision.

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