34 single mom of one child

1. 0

   mcheriposted 14 years ago

   I think I'm going to have to just accept the fact that I will be single forever.
   It seems impossible to find a man who will accept that I have a child, and treat him like a human...not like a door mat.
   Yes, I'm a beautiful woman, I'm well educated, have tons of knowledge now on relationships, communication and so on....but
   Not all men are on the same page as I am.
   
   xoxo
   MCheri

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   1. 75

      the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      pfff, i feel stuck just like you do. Im 27, and my relationship is going down fast...ill never meet anyone who will love my son like i do.

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   2. 66

      rusticyetiposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Stay as true to yourself as possible and forget about actively looking for guys, but yet talk and be open with all of them that come across your path. Don't hide the fact that you have a kid. Most guys have never dated a girl with a kid, and they don't know what it would be like to help raise a kid that's not their own.
      I've been a teacher and babysit a few times when i was younger, so I know its not that bad, and I could even imagine myself having sex with a woman with her own kid and being fine with it. Kids just need role models --- they don't need someone to constantly protect them and control them. The more independence a kid learns early on, the better, so it is not up to your boyfriend to devote his life to the kid, just to be honest and genuine and helpful to him or her, as another human being.
      Find a guy with a good heart (though they are hard to find) and also put out ONLY when you see the guys interacting well with the kids. You can train the guy to think of sex and love when he is being good with kids, and in that way he will become a better father figure and enjoy being around kids - any kids. Just don't be a prude --- put out, focusing on loving the guy and having good sex, and teach the kid that although he or she is yours, you treat your man like you would treat their father (if you loved and were still with him). Do that, and the kid will respect the man, and everything will be more harmonious. Also, don't date a guy who is prone to anger or a guy that isn't active.
      My many cents. Take what you will . And, no, I can't date you, I am too young for you girls .

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   3. 59

      thirdmilleniumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You must have your own reason for being so pessimistic. But when a large number of  considerably people are getting married for the second time and they are not very beautiful either, I do not see why you can not find the right Mr. Wrong.
      
      You will be surprised to learn there would always be some one for any one. Only if you will look.......

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   4. 57

      leebertteaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Oh that's ridiculous! Of course there will be some men that don't want to compete for attention with a child or that might be reluctant to take on the role of father, perhaps even hesitant to do so without knowing they will be supported by mom in that role, but there will be someone that is up to the challenge, that will believe you're worth it, you just haven't found him yet but he's out there.

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   5. 48

      ikeiposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      you dont have to be single forever i know that it sucks because i'm there also it's hard i mean i cook, clean, wash pay bills and go shopping. but nothing i do seems to be right so i know what it is like thinking there is noone to love you and your child or kids. it dont matter to me i love them all there is nothing like a family to go out to do things together. i love it kids do the craziest things  and i sometimes be there with them lol.

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2. 61

   nlowmanposted 14 years ago

   When you think it's impossible, then it definitely will be It might also depend on where you're looking.
   
   I'm sure there are plenty of men with children of their own who would not treat your son as a doormat. My dad is one of them. Granted, he's 47, but he's a lovely gentleman. Not all men are scum.

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      Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      This I will agree. Not all men are scum.
      
      However, you will not remain single. It would be best that you let someone find you or let it naturally happen. Trying to force it, then that action will create worse results.
      
      Parenting comes before relationship. Balance later.

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         nlowmanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Good point! On all accounts.
         
         Relationships are best when you least expect them. When they seem to grow from nowhere. You might be checking out in the grocery line, or tying your shoe, or running to catch the bus when you bump into someone special. Who knows?
         
         And definitely parenting is first! I'm sure you know this, of course, but when you and your son are happy and life is "in order," only then can you even consider a relationship. Even then your significant other would always have to take a backseat to the boy

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   2. 57

      Sab Ohposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      "Not all men are scum."
      
      
      but most of us are

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3. 62

   Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

   One of your Hubs suggests you're a guy.  I'm kind of confused but assume, since you're giving "love advice", you'll work out whatever you have going on there.   Good luck with, whether you're a guy or a woman.

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4. 59

   JMPruittposted 14 years ago

   not all guys are jerks, although some of them really do take the cake. There are a few of us left that are nice guys. Who knows, there may even be one that isn't taken.
   
   my girlfriend and I have been together since Jan, and I treat her 8 year old as if he were mine. heck, it doesnt matter that your single, some guys are just jerks.  my Girlfriends ex treats his own son like a piece of property. He doesn't want anything to do with him, but if someone shows interest in the boy he gets possessive.

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      nlowmanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      My ex-stepfather used to get pissed at my mom when she would talk to my father. It was like, seriously? He's my dad, you jerk. She's not sleeping with him. They're talking about me. My ex-stepfather is a real prize, though. That was thick with sarcasm, if you couldn't tell

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5. 63

   Dale Mazurekposted 14 years ago

   Almost 24 years ago I met a beautiful lady who had a six month old son.  I fell for her son before her.  Here we are 24 years later and we have 3 great boys.  I never treated any of my boys any differently and I love them all the same.  I am their father and they r my boys.

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6. 73

   Kangaroo_Jaseposted 14 years ago

   Strange that.....since I am finding the opposite.
   
   Been single for 18 months, had a few dates with some ladies, yet the gals find it strange that at my age never had kids (not for want of trying in previous relationships though!) and at this stage of life, going to find more women with children, than those with not.
   
   So I am happy with liking who I am first, caring for my family and friends, and that special lady will pop into my lap ... not literally ) in good time.
   
   So am single, yet happy.

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      MayGposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Yes!  Now that is the right attitude!!!   Good luck to you. I wish my single friends could think like that.

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      1. 73

         Kangaroo_Jaseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Heya May,
         
         They don't think like that? Being single and not in a fulfilling relationship is not the end of the world. Sure, it may feel like that on occasion, and married friends will tease one as such. But one has to just .....keep ....on ....rockin...

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7. 60

   MollyMiigwanposted 14 years ago

   Only 34? How can you possibly be single? After reading all of the things that you listed, I don't see how that is possible. But I agree, I'm sure the men you are coming across are no match to you. I know you'll find somebody soon ♥

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      Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Okay, hold on here. I'm 41 and single.

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8. 0

   mcheriposted 14 years ago

   I am female. Not sure why I'm showing up otherwise. So I've added a photo. I agree there are good men out there just hard to come by.
   

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   1. 75

      IzzyMposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Sweetheart, you just concentrate on being the best mom you can be. As a single parent ,you have to be mom and dad to your little boy. This will strengthen you. Meanwhile, you are young and beautiful and becoming stronger by the day. You will learn to judge men better, to see who you would allow into the life of your little boy. It is always better to treat men like something you would rather not have stood on, but be polite about it.
      Drives some men wild with desire - because you then seem 'unattainable'.
      Gives you the time meanwhile to judge these men before you allow any of them near your son who is the most important person in your life.
      Love will come along in its own good time. Just don't look for it

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      Lisa HWposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Oops - sorry.   The other article you had  before made reference to something like, "all us men" (not in those words, but it was what confused me - not that it matters).  It was probably a typo.  (Or maybe I'm mistaken).

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9. 68

   Ivorwenposted 14 years ago

   Not knowing you, or anything about you, it is hard to know how to respond, however, are you sure the issue is that you have a child, or is it the way you parent your child and expect men to relate to your child? 
   
   My brother has rarely dated women who don't have kids, but he cannot stand a home where the children rule by whining, where the mother is a short order cook for her picky eaters, or where he is allowed no influence on the children.  If there are children involved in the relationship, he expects that he will have a part in raising them, and that they will show respect to all adults.  (btw, he is 30, so don't go thinking him some old foggy with outdated ideas)
   
   My Aunt always put her children on such a high pedestal that if anyone said anything that could possibly be construed as criticism, then she was angry and wrote that person off.  She never could find a man (or anyone, for that manner) who thought as highly of her children as she did.
   
   I am a 32 year old married woman, with five boys.  I am pretty enough, but not beautiful, and I get flirted with regularly at the grocery store and other public places, even with all five boys at my side.  Often  men will use my 'well behaved children' as a conversation starter and go from there.  I don't think children are a problem when it comes to finding a man.  Guys even make a point of telling me how much they enjoy children and how they like to care for nieces and nephews.

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10. 50

    haalposted 14 years ago

    you shouldn't worry the ONE who is the lord of the world bless you a flower like son and theirare many people who will love him just see around all the finger are not alike so dont be disappointed just be pessimist

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11. 60

    Zebedee353posted 14 years ago

    I am 32 years old and have been in my current relationship for the past 5 years. When I met her she had a 1 year old daughter that I raise and love as my own. I'm only saying this to enlighten you that we (men that love women with other kids) are out there and hopefully motivate you.

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12. 71

    MayGposted 14 years ago

    Someone will come along when you least expect it.  There are plenty of lovely single men who have children out there too who probably feel the same you do.  Stay positive, and just enjoy the time with your son.  They grow up so damn fast!!  Any man who is worthy of you will love everything about you.  Otherwise they're just not worth having.   Being single is not the worst thing in the world.

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    ftclickposted 14 years ago

    Yeah, there is a bright side and a shining guy will come into your life if you allow it to be open and not stay aloof. But be cautious due to bad people & really know their background.
    I never thought I'd date a woman with a kid but I did and fell for them.
    
    I think it was great since her child was under 8 and still teachable. I can understand that teens may have other feelings about it (rebellious and not so respectful) when a unrelated adult enters the life with their Mom. I simply just helped teach and became a parent  while we were together

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14. 60

    Chaotic Chicaposted 14 years ago

    I was actually thinking about this topic on my way to work this morning.  I moved half a country away from my ex when I had him arrested for D/V.  I have four children.  I focused on work, going back to school, and making a stable home for my children. I'm no beauty queen but I take care of myself and have been hit on more since I moved here than ever before yet I wasn't ready to date.  I did figure that I'd be single at least until the kids were in or through high school and I was fine with that.  My kids were my focus and that's all I needed.
    The man whom I refer to as my knight in shining armour was very patient with me and he proved how much he wanted to get into a meaningful relationship with me and my children. He has a teenage son that he has custody of and all his family tells me of how much he has always wanted a big family. He is great with kids and fantastic with me. I have been through a lot but when I'm with him, the past is the past and I'm all to happy to make a future with him.  I know that I am very blessed and lucky, however you want to look at it, to have this man come into my life.
    The point I am trying to make is that when you focus your energies on making the best life you can for you and your child, life has funny way of taking care of you.  Part of that, I believe is that you are showing the world that you are who you are, you know what you want and you are focused.  Someone mentioned eariler that some men find that irresistable and she's right.  Try to forget about finding that man, focus on you and your child.  When you find happiness for yourself, not only does it show, but it's good for you.  You'll find that you don't need a man-and that's about the time he'll find you.
    There are a lot of guys out there that don't care about a woman having a child or two (or four).  Give them a chance to show themselves.  They're not looking for a needy woman. In fact, more often than not, they're looking for that tough, caring woman that reminds them of their single mom or their single-mom best friend or cousin.

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