I am a separated woman. 3 years ago, I started an affair with a married man. We

Jump to Last Post 1-7 of 7 discussions (7 posts)
  1. profile image51
    sal03posted 12 years ago

    I am a separated woman. 3 years ago, I started an affair with a married man. We fell deeply in...

    love. We also had a child together. He was going to leave his wife and adopted daughter. When he told his wife, she refused to let him go. He crumbled under the pressure and decided to stay in his marriage. But he is not willing to give up our son - he wants to be there for him. He wants to move to where I am, so he can play an active role in my son's life. His wife is ok, as long as maintains no relations with me, but she does not want my son to call him his dad. She wants him to stay as an "uncle"

  2. nightwork4 profile image59
    nightwork4posted 12 years ago

    ok so you did a bad thing and now your child is paying the price. i don't see a question here but rather a confession. too bad you both didn't think with your heads instead of your bodies. i feel sorry for this guys wife and the kid but you and the guy should feel ashamed.

  3. profile image0
    reeltaulkposted 12 years ago

    Oh K this is a tough and unbelievable situation.  Where they do this at!  I'm sure he was never going to leave his wife.  She seems as though she wears the pants in this relationship.  She must have known about your relationship with him and allowed it because he wanted a child of his own.  Now that he has gotten what he wants he coming up with all these pathetic and weird excuses. 

    Take your son and move on, this situation is getting more dysfunctional by the minute, if he really was planning on being with you he would be with you.  I'm quite sure that's one of the reasons you got pregnant and had the baby.

  4. Leah Wingert profile image68
    Leah Wingertposted 12 years ago

    Ouch . . . First cry, get it out of your system that this man is so weak that he would contemplate having is son call him "uncle" and that he promised you something he couldn't deliver.

    Then get a big stick.

    You weren't the only one in that bed making those decisions.  We all do bad things, what you have to think about now is your child not the man.  He obviously doesn't have the will to be a father to his son and that is what must be the most important thing. 

    The man's wishes and desires can not be considered.  What is best for the child?  Not what's best for you two, or even what's best for you.  Growing up with a lie will not benefit this child.  Tell your lover that while you appreciate his willingness to be in your son's life, he must do so as a father. You both have to own up to your actions. 

    If his wife wants to remain married to him she must accept that fact that he did something wrong and has a child as a result of that decision.  No matter that the wife doesn't "want" to let her husband be called Dad that's what he is!  The welfare of both children should be considered; family counseling or mediation may be required in this tense situation. 

    Also, take them to court and get child support.  They can't hold you and your child hostage. Get a lawyer and get a restraining order, or order of protection.  If they continue to act as if they are insane, document and dissolve his parental rights.  He doesn't seem to want them. Love would not ask this of you or of your son. 

    They don't get to have their cake and make you the plate off of which they eat it. He doesn't have the option of being an "uncle" he is a father and she is a stepmother.  End of story.

  5. H P Roychoudhury profile image41
    H P Roychoudhuryposted 12 years ago

    No body should hide the truth. Father is father. Father should not be turned into uncle. The son must be brought up in the ideals of truth and not under a mistaken identity under any circumstances.

  6. pearlmacb profile image72
    pearlmacbposted 12 years ago

    Firstly, Im totally against cheating! correct me if Im wrong but it really sounds like your game-plan failed....I dont buy it NO I think you are doing everything you can to keep this man in your life one way or the other, in hope he will leave his wife & adopted daughter?....after all he had a child with you right? and you can finally have a happy home- just the 3 of you?
    ....my heart goes out to the wife & son, its such a tragic situation for all those involved though. My suggestion, tell your son the truth, he deserves that at-least, than take his father & stepmom to court to get child-support & necessary protection....as this type of thing can get ugly, real nasty. Good luck, pray for your son God knows whats best for him*

  7. Huntgoddess profile image67
    Huntgoddessposted 12 years ago

    You should do what these other folks here have said. Get to court. The county can and will order him to pay child support.

    Have you applied for child support yet?

    He's not married to you, and never has been. Therefore, he has no right to contact you.

    You have no obligation to speak on the telephone or in person to the wife or the kid's dad. Let him go to court to set up visitation, if that's what he wants.

    These people are just jerking your son and you around. Get away. Get your son away, except for visitation. Get your child support.

    They have no right to stalk you like this, and it IS stalking. If you don't want to talk to somebody, you have the right not to talk to them.

    The only time you have to talk at all is to a cop (in an investigation, of course) or a court.

    Nightwork 4, you should feel sorry for both kids, not just the adopted daughter.

    Maybe the wife is unable to have kids. That might be part of this whole mess, too.

    Sheesh, there's just a lot of stuff there. But, you and your son have to still live your lives and get by from day to day.

    How old is the son now? Do you have a job? Day care?


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)