I am a separated woman. 3 years ago, I started an affair with a married man. We

1. 51

   sal03posted 13 years ago

   I am a separated woman. 3 years ago, I started an affair with a married man. We fell deeply in...
   
   love. We also had a child together. He was going to leave his wife and adopted daughter. When he told his wife, she refused to let him go. He crumbled under the pressure and decided to stay in his marriage. But he is not willing to give up our son - he wants to be there for him. He wants to move to where I am, so he can play an active role in my son's life. His wife is ok, as long as maintains no relations with me, but she does not want my son to call him his dad. She wants him to stay as an "uncle"

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2. 60

   nightwork4posted 13 years ago

   ok so you did a bad thing and now your child is paying the price. i don't see a question here but rather a confession. too bad you both didn't think with your heads instead of your bodies. i feel sorry for this guys wife and the kid but you and the guy should feel ashamed.

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3. 0

   reeltaulkposted 13 years ago

   Oh K this is a tough and unbelievable situation.  Where they do this at!  I'm sure he was never going to leave his wife.  She seems as though she wears the pants in this relationship.  She must have known about your relationship with him and allowed it because he wanted a child of his own.  Now that he has gotten what he wants he coming up with all these pathetic and weird excuses. 
   
   Take your son and move on, this situation is getting more dysfunctional by the minute, if he really was planning on being with you he would be with you.  I'm quite sure that's one of the reasons you got pregnant and had the baby.

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4. 68

   Leah Wingertposted 13 years ago

   Ouch . . . First cry, get it out of your system that this man is so weak that he would contemplate having is son call him "uncle" and that he promised you something he couldn't deliver.
   
   Then get a big stick.
   
   You weren't the only one in that bed making those decisions.  We all do bad things, what you have to think about now is your child not the man.  He obviously doesn't have the will to be a father to his son and that is what must be the most important thing. 
   
   The man's wishes and desires can not be considered.  What is best for the child?  Not what's best for you two, or even what's best for you.  Growing up with a lie will not benefit this child.  Tell your lover that while you appreciate his willingness to be in your son's life, he must do so as a father. You both have to own up to your actions. 
   
   If his wife wants to remain married to him she must accept that fact that he did something wrong and has a child as a result of that decision.  No matter that the wife doesn't "want" to let her husband be called Dad that's what he is!  The welfare of both children should be considered; family counseling or mediation may be required in this tense situation. 
   
   Also, take them to court and get child support.  They can't hold you and your child hostage. Get a lawyer and get a restraining order, or order of protection.  If they continue to act as if they are insane, document and dissolve his parental rights.  He doesn't seem to want them. Love would not ask this of you or of your son. 
   
   They don't get to have their cake and make you the plate off of which they eat it. He doesn't have the option of being an "uncle" he is a father and she is a stepmother.  End of story.

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   H P Roychoudhuryposted 13 years ago

   No body should hide the truth. Father is father. Father should not be turned into uncle. The son must be brought up in the ideals of truth and not under a mistaken identity under any circumstances.

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6. 75

   pearlmacbposted 13 years ago

   Firstly, Im totally against cheating! correct me if Im wrong but it really sounds like your game-plan failed....I dont buy it NO I think you are doing everything you can to keep this man in your life one way or the other, in hope he will leave his wife & adopted daughter?....after all he had a child with you right? and you can finally have a happy home- just the 3 of you?
   ....my heart goes out to the wife & son, its such a tragic situation for all those involved though. My suggestion, tell your son the truth, he deserves that at-least, than take his father & stepmom to court to get child-support & necessary protection....as this type of thing can get ugly, real nasty. Good luck, pray for your son God knows whats best for him*

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7. 68

   Huntgoddessposted 13 years ago

   You should do what these other folks here have said. Get to court. The county can and will order him to pay child support.
   
   Have you applied for child support yet?
   
   He's not married to you, and never has been. Therefore, he has no right to contact you.
   
   You have no obligation to speak on the telephone or in person to the wife or the kid's dad. Let him go to court to set up visitation, if that's what he wants.
   
   These people are just jerking your son and you around. Get away. Get your son away, except for visitation. Get your child support.
   
   They have no right to stalk you like this, and it IS stalking. If you don't want to talk to somebody, you have the right not to talk to them.
   
   The only time you have to talk at all is to a cop (in an investigation, of course) or a court.
   
   Nightwork 4, you should feel sorry for both kids, not just the adopted daughter.
   
   Maybe the wife is unable to have kids. That might be part of this whole mess, too.
   
   Sheesh, there's just a lot of stuff there. But, you and your son have to still live your lives and get by from day to day.
   
   How old is the son now? Do you have a job? Day care?

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