What are the rules and expectations of having an affair with a married man?
You are obviously not first nor a priority. If you have been talking for a whole year. It took 6 months before any sexual interactions. He does not pressure, and he said I love you first.
Rules and expectations kind of flew out the window head first bound by an anchor the moment the affair started...
As for what to do...Aside from breaking it off? Wing it, do whatever and see what happens. The former is more recommended at this point though.
FastThoughts.....I find it rather curious why a woman who would have an affair with a married man, is concerned about "rules." If this woman followed any rules of life or moral code, an affair would not exist.
However, by my observations as well as my interaction with women who have sought help & support with the emotional roller coaster of an affair, I can forewarn her of the expectations she could have:.
An inability to believe what he says to her (he's already proven himself a fraud)
She will never be able to expect him to keep a "promise."
Her self respect will begin to slowly break down
She'll need to adjust to taking a back seat to his family obligations.
A woman can also expect to hear empty promises with any number of excuses for why they were broken
She will know when he uses the word, "Love"....he really means, "Lust."
If her friends & co-workers discover her secret, she will lose respect & credibility.
She'll be missing out on opportunities to meet the wonderful, single man who may have been her Hero.
When he ends the affair, she can expect a long recovery from anger, disappointment, bitterness and regret.
She should expect to ultimately realize she was simply used for selfish motives and an ego boost.
She can expect to feel empty for a long time.
These are just a few of the many unpleasant expectations a woman can welcome into her life along with her married "cheater."
There are rules to having an extra-marital affair ?! ?! ?! ?! ?!
Do not expect him to leave his wife. But if he does, expect him to leave you as well.
Honestly, you should have no expectations, since he's married, and doesn't take that commitment seriously. Even if he were to eventually leave his wife, why would you want him? He's a cheater, and once a cheater, always a cheater.
Truthfully everyone lives life according to their own rules!
If you want to do something you will find a way to "justify" doing so.
From my point of view there are two kinds of mistresses.
1. Those who secretly want the man leave his wife and family for her.
2. Those who are only in it for fun, money/gifts, and would walk away if the man left his wife to be in a full-time relationship with them.
Since you brought up who he loves "first" it sounds like you fall under category #1. Donald Trump left his first wife for his mistress Marla Maples. They got married and also got a divorce. That is the "exception". He's a multi-billionaire and could absorb the financial hit without experiencing any changes to his lifestyle.
Generally speaking in the U.S. (women) initiate the filling of divorce 66%or 2/3rds of the time. Most cheaters aren't looking to replace one relationship with another. They want to "compliment" what they already have. Their goal is to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side.
The thought of splitting assets in half, moving out of a home into an apartment, paying child support and alimony, while becoming a weekend dad is not high on most married men's wish list.
People cheat because they don't believe they will get caught!
Only after being caught will they deal with the consequences and even then some wives choose to forgive and the men end up dumping the mistress. If a man really wanted out of a marriage he'd pay the cost to be free. Clearly things aren't that bad at home.
Don't. It's like asking what the rules and expectations are of taking a bath in acid. It will end badly every time.
by babygoogoo3 12 years ago
If you r having an affair with a married man for a little over a decade, then he decides to take...u 2 his marital house when wife is out of town & even makes love with you on his marital bed, could this mean he seriously loves you enough to take the risk or wants to make you a second wife...
by cathinfrance 13 years ago
I recently wrote a hub on this. If you are a wife who suffered this, the Other Woman who broke up a marriage, or a husband who left a family - what do you think explains the interest of the OW in breaking up a family?
by sal03 12 years ago
I am a separated woman. 3 years ago, I started an affair with a married man. We fell deeply in...love. We also had a child together. He was going to leave his wife and adopted daughter. When he told his wife, she refused to let him go. He crumbled under the pressure and decided to stay in his...
by swilliams 8 years ago
The Definition of Unattractive is: as follows: plain, ugly, unappealing, unpleasant, hideous, unlovely, unprepossessing, unsightly, ghastly, revolting, repellent, repulsive, repugnant.However, can this description describe the personality of women who knowingly cheat with married men?
by Elizabeth1986 5 years ago
I'm married. I've a crush on a married man. How do I snuff the crush? I'm growing weaker by the day.
by affairdetector 5 years ago
Having a husband or boyfriend who cheated is a big hit to your self esteem. You begin to doubt your marriage and your ability to make your husband happy or to be enough. And there are tons of old stereotypes which imply that if a man cheats, it’s because his wife doesn’t understand him, he’s...
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