my husband and I are arguing every day. he used to yell and carry on now its more silent. he...
won't listen when i try to explain things. he tells me that i am making excuses. i feel that he "threatens" me with seperation because he says all the time that "maybe we shouldn't be together". i'm afraid to talk to him because everything i say causes him to be mad at me. he tells me that he "feels neglected". we have been married for 15 years and i have done the cooking, cleaning, and laundry all that time, mind you it was the bare minimum in all aspects but it was done by me. he has now starting cooking when i'm at work (i work till 7pm four nites a week) and now he is saying that he is now
Your couple issue is quite common and expected for being together 15 years. In fact, some say that the 'problem' you have means that things are going RIGHT with your marriage...it is kind of Mother nature's way of tapping us on the shoulder and telling us that it is time to grow individually first, then as a couple. This is what marriage counseling is for. Visit my site for some tips on the 'Couples Issues' page. Also, look up a book by David Schnarch called: "Intimacy and Desire"..it is a fantastic resource.
With all due respect, if there is any, krillco's answer is probably the most asinine thing I've ever heard in response to a situation such as yours. Verbal abuse, threats, and constant arguing definitely don't mean that things are going "right" with your marriage and to say so clearly tells that krillco knows nothing about relationships (so I'd avoid any links he/she tries to direct you to that were authored by him/her).
Arguing? Threatening to possibly leave you? Belittling you regarding your opinions and feelings (which IS verbal abuse)? Everything you say causes him to be angry?
First of all, he is deflecting, is in denial, and is transferring. He CHOOSES to be angry over things you say because of something that is a problem with HIM, not with you. He thinks you shouldn't be together? Does he act suspiciously or give you any reason to think he's cheating on you? Usually, when someone wants "time to think" or wants some "personal space" or is considering ending a relationship, they've found someone they are "more interested" in, at least on the surface. They think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.
He feels neglected, according to you. Have you asked him to be more specific about what, exactly, he feels neglected about? Not enough sex? Not enough personal attention? You spend too much time working? You don't clean enough, cook enough, wash enough clothes? You need to find out - from him - what his specific area of neglect, in his mind, is...and then address that.
Conversely, considering the things you've said, the relationship could have reached a point where he doesn't feel like he wants to invest any more time and attention to it...even after 15 years of marriage. People DO "fall out of love" with their partners occasionally, but when this happens, it usually means they weren't really "in love" in the first place.
I think maybe you two need counseling. I also feel if he say's he's feeling neglected then he is missing how your relationship use to be. He misses the attention you once have giving him that he isn't getting anymore. He might be interested in someone else but I wouldn't jump to conclusions and start accusing that he is. I think you both need to really have a heart to heart talk without yelling and screaming and maybe ask him why he feels neglected and what you can do to make him feel wanted but you also need to tell him how you feel as well. I hope this works and things get better between you 15 years is along time to be together and I would hate to see it end over something that can be worked out with communication on both ends.
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