How do I get my boyfriend to give me more attention?
My boyfriend is turning 30 next month and I'm 22.could that be the reason why I feel that I'm being neglected by him?He is so laid back and all I want is for him to pay more attention to me..I really want our relationship to work since we are from different towns and only get to see each other twice in a month or when I come to visit.I really want him to take me serious
did he change or from the begining he act like this , because if it is from the begaining , i think it will be normal as his character is like this but if not try something different try one time to tell him that u can't come or u can't meet him , and c his reaction and what he is going to do?
hope to find u well
Take away the following and he will give you all the attention you need.
iPod Touch etc....
In other words if you take away all his gadgets he will have nothing else to do but you
Hope that helps you.
Hello, so I’m going to speak to you from a guy’s prospective, and I am going to be totally honest with you. If you don’t want honesty, do not read this.
The reason why you feel as though you are being neglected by him is because he is neglecting you, and not the age difference. Love knows no age! Like wise, neglect knows no age! If he really cares about you and genuinely feel as though he can’t do without you or wouldn‘t want to live without you in his life, he would make every effort to hear your voice, to see you, and just to be in your presence. Communicate, tell him that you feel neglected. Don’t imply it to him. Be straightforward, for we never get your implications. If he wants to give you a long list of why he can’t do this or do that, it means that he does not care enough about you to try. He needs to try, and should be trying. “When a man Loves a Women” by Michael Bolton and others is an accurate description of what a man is willing to go through for his love. The last thing that you should know about guys, and it is probably the worst part, but it is a possibility that you can not discount: older guys often times get younger girlfriends from different towns that are meant to be side girlfriends. I’m not saying that this is the case, but I am saying that you should be aware of that possibility. In that context, there is no real need for him to try.
Sweetheart, you are saying that you want more from him, and I personally feel that you deserve more form him. If he is not willing to try to give more of himself, or he is not able to give you more, you have to conclude that he doesn‘t deserve you, for, at that point, he doesn‘t care about your feelings, nor does he see your worth.
Amen, Drew nite. allaboutY, he is so right. If a man does not expend any energy on you, it is because he doesn't want to. Forget him, and find someone whose actions show you he cares.
Very well spoken...I needed to see this to reinforce my decision with my on again off again boyfriend. I guess I just needed to see it from a guys perspective to really sink in. I believed deep down all the things you told the young lady here.
YEAH!!!! What a great answer. I do agree with you, Drew.
HONESTY, I LOVE IT,THATS AWESOME!! GOOD LOOKIN OUT.
Great, Drew! Very well-said. Just be honest and straightforward about your feelings to him. If he cares to answer your questions about what you think and feel, then you'll find out his true feelings for you. Be strong!!!
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Wow that sounds a lot like something I would have said. If a guy is not inspired enough to be the best man he can be to keep his lady happy then that is a strong indication something less compelling than love is going on.
If someone is not getting enough attention it is because the other person just is not interested enough. Not getting attention is never a problem in the beginning of a relationship.. The adrenalin is pumping and the focus is mutually riveted.
I guess sometimes we gotta understand what "attention" are we needing in the first place. Once that, take every consideration to his actions. It's not easy being in different towns, but it shouldn't be a problem if he shows that he cares. Don't force it though, just go with the flow. Eventually nature runs it's course pretty well. Look at the bright side, he could be giving you too much attention until a stage where he threatens you, stalk you or keep you in a jar case (figuratively speaking). Don't worry too much, you're only 22. He should worry; being 30 and all. =P
I'd say you definitely can't chalk it up to an age difference...I'm 24 and my husband is 50, and I've never had such great attention in my life. Some men just aren't the attention-giving type, and if that's the case then this relationship obviously doesn't have what you need. My husband also has a saying, "If you want to be treated like a king, you have to treat her like a queen." The same works in reverse, have you been going out of your way to give him attention? One of the most difficult things in some relationships is that different people express and understand love and attention in different ways, so be sure that any attention you are giving him is the type he wants, not just coming across as being overly clingy or anything like that. Obviously I can't be an accurate judge from a distance and not knowing anyone involved, but if you still can't get what you need then it might just be time to call it quits. If your desire is for more attention, wouldn't your needs be better filled by someone you get to see on a regular basis rather than just once or twice a month?
Hmm something also that doesn't help is the idea that relationships should last for an interminable amount of time without a commitment that cant be walked away from at a moment's notice. The whole concept of steady dating without an engagement is whacked. It may be the way things are done now and heaven knows that that is how I grew up but I wasn't raised by a family who felt that was even necessary. From a psychological stand point I started to agree with them. If you are something steady that he doesn't have to commit to or do anything other then see you once in a while then there is no incentive to give you any more attention then what it takes to maintain the status quo. He may err in how much attention that actually amounts to but that ends up being the result. A static doe on your land is easy to wait until the most convenient time to down while the running prey or the seldom available prey that is open for other hunters to track and take out from under your nose is hard to resist. This being said. If you feel like sex is a requisite in the maintenance of any relationship without a commitment that could be the other half of the problem. lol Guys with full stomachs don't move fast if at all. Same goes with Guys who are sated in their need for flesh time. Just an uncomfortable number of realities and a different paradigm to consider.
Well thank all of you for the advise..
I actually got a call from him last night telling me he wants to see me..He said that he wants to marry me and told me that he is sorry for everything and that he only needed time to sort out his life and for me to please not give up on our love..I will see him later today.What am I to say or do?People I don't have a lot of experience in relationships and he is the only guy I ever had such strong feelings for ..
Strong feelings are good. Something I am only (years and years and years later) finally realizing is that I always wanted the guy to know what I needed/wanted and I didn't want to ask. Ask. (no whining, just tell him what you need. He will do it.
attention can mean a lot of different things to different people,
do you want him to call you 3 times a day, do you want him to talk to you before you go to bed every night, or call and wake you up every morning, what are you asking for exactly, what do you need
tell him exactly what you need from him but make it clear, you said you see each other twice a month, at these meetings do you want to go to dinner, movie, or do you want him to spend the entire time in bed together, or do you want him to just gaze in your eyes and tell you how beautiful you are, sometimes the man is not sure about how much of what you need so it helps if you tell him. have a bless day
Well, it's your relationship, so I can't really say, because you know your situation better than I do, but I find that the only way to overcome any obstacle in a relationship is by talking about it. Tell him that you feel neglected or distanced. The age gap may be a factor - he may be busy with things he feels are "more important than a relationship". It all depends on his priorities, your priorities, and if you're willing to find a compromise that makes you both happy. If not, you may be in the wrong relationship. But I find that talking about it is the only way.
I find it only makes things worse when the question becomes "what can I do to force him or trick him into paying more attention to me" - that's definitely a clue that you need to be with someone who gives you attention without you having to change your entire life. Again, I don't know the situation as well as you do, but talking about it and finding where you both stand on the issue is the only way to progress.
Women have been brainwashed by their mothers to use sex as a reward for the man who does as he is told. This is why strip clubs and porn are so popular. Smart women can make their men jump through hoops when they handle sex wisely. BE SEXY FOR HIM
By not being needy.
By being happy to be in just your own company.
By being intellectually curious and having an inner life of your own.
By not caring whether you're given attention or not.
By being silently grateful for having his company, but also perfectly happy to be left alone.
Don't hinge your future on the attention of ANYONE.
Even if you manage to "get him" to give you attention now - what about next month? Next year? 10 years from now?
The best kind of attention you can get is respect for who you are. DON'T seek attention. Attention, like money, is best sought indirectly.
If you are doing things that could make your relationship work and he ignores these then he is neglecting you. But if you want something and he doesn't give it to you then there is a serious issue that you two need to talk about.
But why should you ask for attention from him? Should attention be naturally given and mutually done? And what kind of attention do you want from him? Are you giving this "attention" to him?
You see, in order for a relationship to work out is for couples to talk about what they want, what they need. Don't assume things. Don't assume that he has to do this, he has to give me that, he has to take me to that place, etc. Don't be needy, don't be dependent.
Instead, be confident and independent. The reason why many women feel neglected by their partners is because they think they own their partners...that theirs partners have to do what they want. Wrong!
Just be good friends. Let the other person be what he is. And if you don't like this person don't think that it's the end of the world, that your world revolves around this person...move ahead.
What we fail to see is we focus our attention much to the people who are supposed to make us happy with many expectations forgetting the fact that no one else can make ourselves happy but us. And neither we cannot expect for somebody to give us attention that he/she doesn't feel like giving because it's not needed or it's not worth it.
No, age is not the reason for feeling neglected. Well, AllaboutY, the reason is either because you may feel insecure because of past issues, or you feel he is not that interested in you.
Harsh, but relationships are actually not that complicated. Either we are very interested, or just a little, or not at all, and it reflects in our behavior to the other person.
What do you do now to get his attention? Are you getting his attention sexually? Men are sexual beings, whether we like it or not. Dressing up is nice, but what good is it to them if we just parade around in our lingerie waiting for them to make a move on us? Men like to feel wanted to. So go the extra mile and lay some good oral sex on him. He'll be all smiles.
Move to where he's at. That may help. Also, the age is a large gap. Since you're younger, that has something to do with it too.
If you have to figure out how to get more attention then there is a problem. If you really want the relationship to work then I would talk to him about it and try to work out the problem. If he does not want to then I would say that it would be best to move on at least for now. Age should not have anything to do with it.
If this behavior is new, you may try to give also more attention to him. Also to discuss with him about this, it is a good Idea, to find out which are his thoughts on your relation.
Take off your shirt and dance infront of him.That will turn him on.
Do not pick up and move for someone who is already not giving you what you need. 22 is much too young already to be settling for less than you deserve. Find a new boyfriend. It is a sign of emotional health if you can chose to love someone who is able to love you back in kind.
I notice this question is quite old and may have already been extensively covered. I know I went for many years when I was younger seeking out my boyfriends' attention by basically acting needy - like I wanted them around all the time, which I did. However, after break up and break up, I decided to take a step back and examine my life for a year or two - to see what it was that "they" didn't like about me. I even had one of my exes help me with a well, you could call it a "self-improvement" list. I bought books, and really took it upon myself to study! I wanted to make myself the best I could! So, I followed my little list, worked very very hard, and sure enough, I learned. I found out what my faults were, researched how to fix them, and sure enough, I changed into a different person - someone I admired. I was no longer the needy little girl who begged for the attention of men, but rather I was the self-sufficient, self-confident, independent girl who didn't even "need" men. Then, when the right ones began coming along, they were trying to get me interested in them instead of the other way around. I found a drastic change in my love life, and found that guys actually valued my traits instead of cringed at them. It was like a breath of fresh air. Now, my very serious boyfriend who lives with me can go fishing or hunting or whatever any time he wants without a fight or me getting upset. I have my own life and actually enjoy the time alone. It makes him happy, and he doesn't feel constricted to me. We find the time we have together enjoyable rather than annoying and necessary. It really works for us. I'd like to write some hubs on what all I've learned in relationships, but I've actually been taking a break from writing to "learn more about hubbing!" I guess I enjoy self-improvement. If I rambled too much, in summary, I would say the best way to get attention is to not need it or at least "fake it til you make it." Hope that makes sense! ~Michele
You took the right steps in finding out more about yourself, and improving. Now that you learned this, I'm sure you also learned to choose a guy with better qualities too.
Misslong123, You are a smart girl. Women who force men to do a lot of things they do not want to do generally do drive them away. Self reliance and freedom are very wise choices.
Can I ask were there any books that stood out to you, that I should read? I'm kind of dealing with the same problem you had. I find myself constantly wanting my finances attention, and I'm not getting it the way I would like! I will take any advise
A better idea, if you can't get what you want from your current relationship, break up and find somebody new? Break up is better then a divorce that is what I always say, especially when you are still young and pretty and have guys chasing you
thanks dr climent
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First you should make it clear to him that you require more attention, and explain to him what that means to you. Then stand your ground about what you need. If you are coming to visit him ensure that he has arranged a fun date to share with him before you leave, as you dont want to go visit him if he cannot make quality time with you. Get him to come visit you more and have somthing special you do together when he visits, like a hobby he does there with you to make your bond stronger. If he doesnt up his game you will soon tire and become bored with his behaviour as you are already starting to realise he is not treating you the way you want to be treated in a relationship.
When things need to be made clear it is already too late. Emotions do not work like broken pipes. They don't just get fixed. Emotions have a mind of their own. That is why I don't believe in marriage. People only should be together if they want to be
Well I cant answer that with a answer only your boyfriend can, but here is my opinion...
1) Talk with him and tell him you are in need of (some more or any which ever ) his attention, and then ask how you can accomplish that.
2) shower him with what you want in return like make him feel special and hopefully he will return the affection or attention
3) Realize he is who he is and love him for that. If he is just being him and not handing out his attention to anyone else in a odd or different than normal fashion.
learn to live with it or let go.
I hope you get what you want and good luck best wishes 8-)
Start doing another works which gives you money and also give you a special attention toward every one.
Ironically if you pay him less attention, he will probably pay you more attention. That seems to be the relationship scenario, even in marriage. Best wishes.
Give, give and give. Don't demand, don't demand, don't demand. Take interest in him more, more more. Pamper him more more and more.
You will get it. (If you are sincere).
May be it is the age difference. If you ensure that you have the substance to be taken seriously you will be noted.
Age is never considered as a reason for neglection. Perhaps it's boredom, why don't you try new things with him? share activities , go for a run together, cook together, make yourself an interesting person, someone he wants to be with all the time!
I will give a short and crisp reply. I agree with Drew Nite reply, I also believe that the age and distance does not matter if two hearts are sincere and really care about each other.
Dear you do not need to do something. If he loves u then definitely he give u more attention. So cheers
Love between two persons is fated. You can make the best of the time you get to meet. Be creative and try something that will spice up the day. It is either you or your boyfriend to suggest or plan something different each time when you meet.
I would talk with him and be honest with him how this makes you feel. If he listens and understands and at least compromises or involves you in his plans, stay with him. If he just brushes you off without caring, move away for a bit and live your life independent of him. Then you'll really see if he cares about you or is just gold-digging. Good luck! I hope you find what makes you happy, be it him or something/someone else.
I think the best thing to do here is to love yourself first. Most men like women who are comfortable with being alone and are independent. It is very easy for guys to take for granted those girls who are "clingy". You must learn to appreciate yourself first. Anyway, that's what you want right? To be "loved". So take this first step with your own little way of appreciating yourself, eventually he would see what he's missing all this time. Cheer!
I've been through this, although we lived in the same city. Discuss it once, just to see where he's coming from, but no amount of talking will change his behaviors. If he wants to see you more he will, but he is showing that he doesn't. In my situation when I pulled back and became a little distant, he started panicking and was contacting me alot. But once I sprung back and started investing in the relationship again, he slipped away more. It's maddening and do you really want to spend your life like that , constantly playing a game of tug of war? Not me I want to feel very secure in a relationship, and know that the person loves me and wants to spend time with me.
Hi... I understand what you are saying. But let me say as a man... i noticed mostly of you girls think that way as because you comparing it as like before... what i mean is and straight to the point... don't expect or always compare your relationship as the days you getting to know each other like how the man giving you too much attention at the beginning of your relationship. It was normal because they wanted to get your trust and your YES. But as the days go on it will lessen as the man has also other life that need to focus aside you.. which i think women does not understand (mostly i think) and starting to think as being neglected. I know women are sweat and easy to express their love but some men are not that kind of person but it doesn't mean the love is not there anymore. Mostly of that kind of men are starting to think the future.. your future where he become more busy or the attention you have got are not like before.
That is the time each of you need to adjust.. If you love each other, think in a positive way.. love is not about what you expect or what you can get but instead love about what you can give to the person you love and be satisfied of what the return you can get from person you love. Sometimes saying a simple I LOVE YOU is enough as long as it sincere.
Hope it make sense.
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Push the sex angle (ie make him pant for it but don't give it out too easily). Works every time.
Excellent answer. Men are relatively easy to please. Simply combine the elements of sex, love, and romance. Being sexy and romantic for him tells him you LOVE him and makes him want to please you. This is the key to keeping both of you happy.
Just be yourself and be different! He has to like you for what you are! you are unique and uniqueness attracts a guy! Your boyfriend should like you for who you are! you are beautiful and perfect in your own way cause God makes no mistakes! Believe it!
Do the reverse psychology. Ignore him. If he really loves you, he will miss you and contact you soon. It is very simple. If he doesn't miss you, then probably he is not just into you. Move on.
You need to give more details. Some men are just not big on conversation or going places. When you say he doesn't spend time with you do you mean he doesn't call, or go places with you?
Does he do things with his friends? If not he may just be a home body that doesn't like going out much.
Have you tried talking to him in a non-confrontational way? Communication is the most important key to every relationship.
Has he changed behavior or has he always been this way with you? If he seems more distant lately perhaps you need counseling or re-evaluate your relationship and see if you are meant to be together.
just move to wherever he lives, & be with him.
if you feel neglected by him.. maybe he is sending signals that you should have your own life aside from him… live your life… enjoy being with your friends… bond with your family… take your time alone… have fun…
it doesn't mean that you don't see each other… your love diminishes… or your relationship doesn't work out… but i think it's much greater love if you and him grow apart…
It might work for awhile but psychological reciprocity will kick in eventually and you will lose. People will feel about you the way you feel about them.
A better idea is to show him you find him desirable, love him by being romantic and sexy.
this will not gonna work any more if you will neglect he will never ever look at you
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