How do you know if a husband is being too controlling or if the wife is too sensitive?
For example, the wife makes a chore list for the kids and the husband requires her to show it to him to be approved before it can be implemented. Is that too controlling or just common sense?
That, in my view, is being too controlling. A husband shouldn't "require" input on anything so trivial as the kind of housework that can be done by kids. In matters such as buying a new house or having it painted or all new windows put in, or having another child, or where to vacation, things involving significant changes and large sums of money, definitely both partners should have input.
If "too controlling" or "too sensitive" is even a question in the household, the couple needs to sit down together and discuss what is going on between them, and whether both are happy with it. If not, fix it! The essence of partnership is not control; it's compromise. If discussions go nowhere, go to counseling.
What is the wife? A kid? That behavior in a husband would not only be disturbingly controlling, but insulting, demeaning, and a really rotten example for children. Children will see a really "off" role model for men. Also, they'll either see the role model for women as someone who is willing to go along with such behavior, or else someone who is incapable of extracting herself from such an unhealthy situation - neither of those versions of a role model is a positive, healthy one.
Besides, there's a good chance that husband doesn't have a clue about a whole lot of things involved with running a household NOR a clue about a whole lot of things involving the healthiest nurturing/guidance of children (he's already shown it in his unhealthy, controlling, behavior); so - really - this guy should have as little to do with his children as possible. He's clueless and/or disturbingly controlling. Not great to have around one's children.
Unless he's so controlling he'll arrange to scare his wife into not leaving him (in which case, she'll have to get help from authorities to get away from him), there's a good chance it's only a matter of time before this very small and/or misguided individual finds himself in divorce court.
In the example you've given the husband seems too controlling. I see no reason why the husband would need to approve the wife's list for the kids chores around the house.
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