Can a relationship work with kids from a previous relationship without resentment?
Im 26 yrs old and have 2 children from a previous relationship. Ive been in a relationship now for 4 yrs. At first my kids were back and forth between their father and I, then circumstances happened and that had to change to where they have been with me 24/7 ever since. Now my bf is saying he doesnt want to be with someone who already has kids but he really cares about me and doesn't want to lose me. He's there for them if they really need him but it almost seems as if he's afraid to get too attached. Is there any way possible this relationship will ever last between him and I?
I honestly believe if he really cares for you he will care for your kids. You are a part of your kids and they are a part of you. It should not be problem if he loves you.
It is unfair to ask any mother to separate herself from her kids so you could be with her. It's not fair to her or her kids.
You deserve to be with someone who truly loves you and accepts that being a mother is an important part of who you are. This person may never come to love your children as much as you do, but he should care about them and understand it is critical that your children can always count on both of you to be there for them if he is going to be your partner in life. This guy may not be mature enough to deal with beng a father figure to your children even if he loves you - not everyone can handle parenthood, even when it comes to their own children. Only time will tell for sure with this man, but he doesn't sound ready.
If he's not the right one the sooner you know, the better.
My husband and I both have children from previous marriages. I think sometimes the fact that we each had to deal with children that were not our own made it easier than if one of us had been childless as we could look at each conflict from both sides.
You will have to deal with a lot more 'stress' than you want. The kids will be torn 'emotionally' between their 'real' dad and the boy friend. It will take a lot of work on 'all' three adults in involved in the children involved lives! It can be done, but with time and understanding!
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