How do you get rid of the 'baggage' you have from past relationship experiences?
So that you don't bring those issues into the new relationship.
Relax and Trust.
Example: in the new relationship. If he is out late unusually and you couldn't get him on the mobile - don't immediately assume he is with another woman and what happened with your ex is about to happen again.
You'd find out later that There was a perfectly good reason why he was out late. (well, i hope. lol)
You don't you try to learn from the past and try not to drag the bad baggage with you.
You get rid of baggage from past relationships by not bringing up any past experiences. Think of your past relationship as dirty laundry is you have difficulty being quiet. Surely, you will not bring dirty laundry on a date with you.
Don't consider it baggage. Consider it lessons learned. If there were issues of trust, don't get into a relationship with someone whom you don't trust or if they betray your trust, dump them. Immediately. If there were issues of abuse, look for those first signs, controlling behavior, overattentiveness, how they treat people they don't know like a waiter or cashier and if they exhibit signs that are familiar to you from the previous relationship, dump them. Right away. Go into every new relationship with your eyes open but also your heart. The new relationship is completely separate from the previous one. You don't expect to see the same merchandise in every store you shop in so don't think expect similiar behavior from everyone you meet. And don't be the person you were in your previous relationship. Decide how you wish to be treated and then don't stay with someone who treats you otherwise.
Speaking from experience...we all need to understand that everything we experience has a purpose. If we pay attention we may notice patterns in the people who come into our lives. If we consistently see the same type of people around us with characteristics we are not happy about, then we need to look more closely at ourselves. That's when we actually have to stop and examine what it is that keeps repeating. If we are honest with ourselves...we will find that the very thing that keeps repeating has stemmed from something deep within us. Yes, it's something we ourselves do. Usually it's something we haven't noticed is in ourselves...but it's usually very apparent in these other people in our lives. This is because these other people are our reflection. The other people in our lives reflect our behaviors back at us. They will continue to reflect these same behaviors if we have not recognized and corrected the behavior in ourselves.
The way to get rid of the baggage.... is through self-improvement. That is the ONLY way to remove the baggage. It will not go anywhere if we don't change ourselves first. When something bothers us about what is happening around us, we have to simply realize that the world is our mirror giving us the answers to how we can have our own personal heaven here on earth. We all have the power to fix whatever we do not like about our lives. The world around us shows us the exact lessons that we need to learn. All of life can be our heaven if we are honest with ourselves, and if we change ourselves, we will see how the world around us will respond because of OUR change.
When something bothers me about what has happened in my life I have found that the world is my mirror, and I ask myself what I can learn from each experience that SEEMS to have gone wrong. Once I've figured it out the lesson is learned, and I no longer see those characteristics in the people in my life.
don't see it as baggage. See it as a learning experience. Draw out any lessons from it and then leave the bag behind. If you constantly think about it then it will constantly be with you, just let it go. Easier said than done, I know, but its worth it.
You dive into yourself. Alot of times we lose who we were before our relationships began and progressed. Its important to find that person totally and completely again. Once you do that, youll be ok.
You need to let go of the past, otherwise it will hold you back. Always remember the new Man is not your Ex. He hasn't done anything to hurt you. Be a little open minded and don't jump to conclusions to quickly.
I think that to get rid of it you just have to accept the relationship as a whole. Make a pro and cons list of sorts. Accept the good things as being good things, that you can remember fondly- and accept how the good things helped you or changed you. Accept the bad things as the reasons why you are no longer together- don't let the break up be your fault or his fault, but simply blame it on all the little things. Don't compare any other person to ex- everyone's different, and chances are, after getting through a break up, you will be different too- and looking for something different!
What also helps is getting rid of hurtful reminders. Delete the facebook friendship, and family and friends help. You don't need to see their attempts at moving on- it is yourself you should be focused on. Delete the phone numbers, put the pictures and presents away- at least until you can look at them without getting upset.
Most importantly- do not constantly bring up the baggage! No one else will understand. If you need to vent or reminisce, its understandable, but do that with a friend or family member- not a new interest. I honestly feel that, based on my own experience, you shouldnt attempt to find any kind of real relationship until you are at that point. Distractions and flings are fine, and can help- but I can say it took me about a year to be able to look at another guy seriously and be able to see something real with them. Time helps turn baggage into memories. Good luck!
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