What do women mean by "You are too nice?"

1. 65

   leroy64posted 12 years ago

   What do women mean by "You are too nice?"
   
   It's always in connection with the "I am not interested in dating you" talk.  Most of my life, I have interpreted this as meaningless phrase.  I think the women were just trying to be nice; and, failing miserably.  I am nice because that is the way I am.  I like who I am and the way I act.  That does not mean I cannot handle honesty.

   replyreport
2. 78

   terrektwoposted 12 years ago

   Well maybe they just need someone that is a bit of a jerk to them so they feel ok to be a bit nasty back. Sometimes they may feel a bit bad if they think your too innocent when they are nasty back. Weird I know but thats how it can be. The only other reason they use it is if their trying to let you down easy when they are either breaking up with you or turning you down to your first request for a date.

   replyreport
3. 0

   filmchick1987posted 12 years ago

   YAY, nice guys are awesome! Go you.
   I personally wouldn't say this. There is a definite lack of nice guys around. It's bound to have some other meaning, either that you aren't assertive enough - going after them no matter what the cost, or that they have some weird sadistic fantasy you wouldn't want to fulfill anyway.

   replyreport
4. 56

   zanaworldposted 12 years ago

   women say "you are nice" when they say "you are nice"!
   
   I love this when they say it (even if they don't mean it!)

   replyreport
5. 60

   Hui (蕙)posted 12 years ago

   I never said this phrase, but I guess it means not good, or not comfortably good. You know, it extends out of the limit by "too", which gives uncomfortable feeling. For example, some women like sweet taste, but "too sweet" make them feel satiated. "Being nice" is good, but a safety distance is necessary.

   replyreport
6. 70

   dashingscorpioposted 12 years ago

   You didn’t mention your age or the ages of the women that lay the “You’re too nice” comment on you. However I suspect it is women under the age of 35.
   For some reason (younger women) need to feel like they “earned” a guy’s heart or they had to beat out some other women to have him. Simply put a “nice guy” is no challenge!
   It’s only after a series of heartbreak with the “bad boy” types that women start to look at the "nice guy" differently. Awhile back I wrote a hub about this very subject.
   http://dashingscorpio.hubpages.com/hub/ … omansheart
   You really only have a few options and that is behave more like a jerk or at least less open and friendly to attract younger women or continue to be yourself and date older women (who have already done the “bad boy” thing) while you wait for your age group of women to mature a few years down the road. Another option is consider dating another culture of women who may place a higher value on kindness than your own.

   replyreport
7. 57

   zzronposted 12 years ago

   
   
   I found out years ago when I was 17 years old and very shy at the time, that if you were a 17 year old virgin male and your 19 year old girlfriend  wanted to have sex, and you were too inexperienced to figure it out without offending her or too much of a gentleman and wasn't sure how to respond, it was a common way for a girl or woman to break up with you as not to hurt your feelings and find someone else who was more suited to her liking.

   replyreport
8. 60

   shivnandanposted 12 years ago

   If a friend woman says it that means she like you...

   replyreport
9. 58

   renegadetoryposted 12 years ago

   It may be that they are actually using the wrong word.  If it is being used in connection with "I'm not interested in dating you" then chances are what they mean by "too nice" is "too much of a push-over."  And for the record, most people don't like hurting someone's feelings, I know, because I was in that situation many times.. how to let a guy down as nicely as possible.  When you don't know the guy very well, you you don't want to be brutally honest because the guy could be a stalker, psycho, etc.  I had one guy call me and harrass me after I was more "honest" with him as to why I didn't want to see him.  So I can't blame women for playing it safe. 
   
   If these are good female friends of yours not being honest, that's a bit different.
   
   My response your your question may not be liked by many people, but I'm trying to be as honest as I can with you as a woman.  You should never change who you are or your values for anyone, but as to why being too nice is a turn off with some women its because women tend to like men who are confident and decisive.... it would appear being too nice runs contrary to those attributes.

   replyreport
10. 80

    Erin Boggs1posted 12 years ago

    Are you too nice? What does that mean? read more

    replyreport
11. 72

    courtlneygdtmposted 12 years ago

    "You are too nice" is a polite way of saying that she is not interested in dating you, but may be willing to be friends only.
    
    --courtlneygdtm

    replyreport