Should I get divorced?
I've been married 14 years & have 2 kids. 5 years ago my wife move away for work and took our son. Things were bad & I had a 3 week affair. She has punished me for it ever since. 2 years ago she announced that she didn't love me, didn't find me attractive, and wanted a divorce. Since we had a young baby, I begged her not to and dragged her to counseling where. She has been very abusing towards me and her actions and words support that she does not love me. I have now learned that she has had a 5 year affair that started before she moved away to be with the guy. And he's not the only one...
This is a really heavy question to ask on here I really am very sorry to there's been such pain and turmoil in your relationship. I would ask that whatever decision you both eventually reach, that you don't argue around the children and do not talk badly of each other to the children.
Talking what you've said as a snapshot of your relationship I'd say that it is worth considering a divorce. However, again it's almost impossible to guage a relationship with so little information. Whatever happens, good luck with the future.
Long distance relationship quiet frequently put strangs into a relationship, even if it is a marriage, while some long distance marriage survive, many failed. In my opinion, frequent contact, including visiting each other's country and reglar phone call, can help a long distance marriage, but not necessary mean it is enough.
But put consideration of that she has been having an affair with other men, on a constant bases, prove things are much more complicated then expected.
At this stage, I guess I would quote doctor Phil who say "You should always be honest with yourself and others, if you don't do that you are both cheating yourself and those you love." I hope this statement would help
No one can tell you whether or not you should get a divorce. That's something YOU have to decide for yourself. However lets look at the facts as you stated.
"5 years ago my wife move away for work and took our son. I have now learned that she has had a 5 year affair that started before she moved away to be with the guy. 2 years ago she announced that she didn't love me, didn't find me attractive, and wanted a divorce. She has been very abusing towards me ..."
Your real questions should be "Why would I (want) to be married to someonoe who does NOT love me, does not find me attractive, Abuses me, who is living with another man, and last but not least Wants a Divorce from ME?
The answer: It's because I Don't Love Myself!
A commitment is only good for as long as (both parties) agree on a strategy to reach a desired goal. Being committed to someone does not mean you “turn off your brain ”. (You are still entitled to have “deal breakers”.) In fact if you don’t have them odds are you don’t love yourself or you have low self-esteem.
Awhile ago I wrote a hub on commitment which may give you some food for thought. Best of luck.... http://dashingscorpio.hubpages.com/hub/ … forgranted
The best advice I can give is for you to do what you think is best. Are you happy with her? Would you be happier without her? How would your kids adjust to the change? These are all question you need to consider before making a choice. No one can tell you what to do and you do not what to be influenced by other people's thoughts, so make this decision on your own.
I have made a hub on this question. Divorce is a social curse. If one can avoid divorce, nothing like it. Question is what do we want our generations to learn and practice. It requires a lot from both sides to make a marriage successful..
Well on those lines, here is a hub that talks this lengths... Hopefully we can make a happier stable family institution that provides our children opportunity to thrive with excellence.
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