How do you forgive a person for hurts that cut so deep they changed who you are?

1. 61

   kkuma01posted 12 years ago

   How do you forgive a person for hurts that cut so deep they changed who you are?

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2. 60

   Bella Ninaposted 12 years ago

   Forgiveness is so much more about YOU than it is about the person that hurt you.  You forgive because if you do not, the quality of YOUR life is affected in a negative way.
   
   Forgive, and move on.  No one says you have to forget.  No one says that merely forgiving will provide all healing.  Healing comes after forgiveness, and with time.
   
   The distance of time is a great healer.

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3. 61

   kkuma01posted 12 years ago

   A Bella Nina great answer. Forgiveness is about the person doing the forgiveness, but I think sometimes people need real "Do" behaviors to know HOW to forgive. I've watched a friend morph into someone else because of not know how to forgive. The person is no longer in her life, but she sure is punishing everyone else that enters it. She just no longer trusts anyone.
   Time heals nothing. It's what you do with it. I just want to be able to give her "Do" things. I told her to start with writing a letter. She hasn't yet. Thanks for your response!!!

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4. 0

   kate-olsonposted 12 years ago

   Forgiveness is a process. I struggle with forgiveness too. I've learned that it doesn't happen overnight, especially with deep or long hurts.

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   Poetic Foolposted 12 years ago

   These are all great answers.  To forgive doesn't mean to forget.  I don't know if it is possible to forget hurts so deep as you ask about.  Forgiveness is an act of will and a process not a single event at a single point in time.  Forgiveness is an ongoing thing.  Even though I understand this, I still struggle like most of us to forgive.  I have been cut so deep to be changed like you say.  And speaking honestly, I don't yet know if I will be able to forgive the person who wronged me.  I hope I can some day.  I wish the same for you.

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6. 61

   JBBlackposted 12 years ago

   I think about the quote from A. Pope--To err is human, to forgive divine.  You can look at it in two ways, God will forgive them or if you forgive them you are godlike.  I would like to leave it up to God and never forgive truely evil betrayals or other acts. 
   
   Some things are too great for forgiveness on our part, which is why we have jail and child protective services.  Sometimes forgiveness is irresponible and self-destructive.

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7. 84

   stricktlydatingposted 12 years ago

   I agree with those who commented advising you don't need to forgive someone who's hurt you so bad.  Just realise they are no longer in your life for a very good reason, and be greatful that they are not part of your future.

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8. 73

   lburmasterposted 12 years ago

   Well, it depends on the situation. I think the major question is as follows. Is what they said true? If the comment or statement is true, they are forgiven as it was my fault, or myself, that is at fault if I do not like what they said. If what they said is false, then they are idiots who should be shunned and ignored.

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