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jump to last post 1-22 of 22 discussions (51 posts)

Where do you draw strength to forgive someone who did something wrong to you?

  1. jpcmc profile image90
    jpcmcposted 5 years ago

    Where do you draw strength to forgive someone who did something wrong to you?

  2. duffsmom profile image61
    duffsmomposted 5 years ago

    To be very honest, I think it takes more strength and energy to hold on to that anger and let fester.

    Depending on the transgression, it can be hard to let it go, but it has to be done for your own health and peace of mind. If possible talk to the person, and at least let them know the hurt they caused, then try to move on and let it go.

    1. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you duffsmom.  We choose to stay in anger or move on.  It's our choice.

  3. jaydene profile image68
    jaydeneposted 5 years ago

    I have learned that once you feel the pain, process it ........ get the anger out,
    no matter how long it takes, you must release the hurt  The thing with forgiveness, is that it isn't condoning the wrong, not giving approval to it at all.  The thing about unforgiveness, is who ever you don't release, they hold you hostage, and anger
    held onto only poisons the vessel that contains it. ... 
       Let go.......... but you don't have to approve of what they did.  smile

    1. psychicdog.net profile image78
      psychicdog.netposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      great advice jaydene - I recently told a family member their anger about something I did more than 10years ago was like a poison - their facts weren't even right. but anger for some people is like energy unfortunately!

    2. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      This is a great way of seeing forgiveness.  thank you for your answer.

    3. TerryK81 profile image61
      TerryK81posted 5 years agoin reply to this

      It's you taking on the hurt of releasing them. this hurt will pass, and a lot faster than if you were to just hold on to it.

  4. Cristale profile image83
    Cristaleposted 5 years ago

    This may sound cheesy, but I look to the bible for this sort of thing because it teaches about forgiveness and love for one another, which can be related to modern times.

    1. Kasman profile image83
      Kasmanposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Absolutely. Great answer!

    2. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      This is not cheesy at all.  It's faith that keeps us strong.

    3. TerryK81 profile image61
      TerryK81posted 5 years agoin reply to this

      That doesn't sound cheesy at all. God created all of humanity in His likeness and image (Genesis 1:26-27), so as God is in character and attitude, He made us to be as well. Why hold bitterness when it is so much better to forgive?

  5. wqaindia profile image47
    wqaindiaposted 5 years ago

    Do you feel that one has to draw strength to forgive? I think the other way round that  when you forgive you become strong as you make friendship with the person who dis something wrong to you. When you change the heart of a person you will feel proud of it . I have seen people kneeing before you when you forgive. You can make friends even with your enemies and such friendship is long lasting. Try it  !

    1. Kasman profile image83
      Kasmanposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      True.

    2. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      It's easy to say that we can forgive, but to actually do it is a different matter.  But I do agree that each forgiveness that we make, we grow stronger and more at peace.

  6. Sri T profile image79
    Sri Tposted 5 years ago

    Whatever happens in life will pass sooner or later. One must look at the concepts that they are entertaining. The concepts that one entertains determine whether life will be joyful or miserable. To forgive is to understand that no one is perfect. It may be difficult depending on what was done. It's better to be free than to live continuously bound to a negative experience.

    1. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      This is a wonderful point Sri T.  No one is perfect.  We need to realize that we have our own faults.

  7. TerryK81 profile image61
    TerryK81posted 5 years ago

    Ask and ye shall recieve (an answer): Look to Jesus, to the Cross; It hurt and killed Him to forgive you, me, and everyone else on this site regardless of what a (choice word) they may or may not be. Secondly, your kid(s): if you really pissed them off and they were done with you, would you want THEM to forgive you? Thirdly, nobody's perfect. Most Vile criminals out there if they would have had what they really needed from their parents, who in turn probably had crappy parents themselves, then these criminals would probably be better. Fourth, the God of the universe and that created everything and who is coming back gave up His own Son to die for you. No one can make you believe that, thats something you need to choose to do on your own with God.
    It's always better to forgive; yes, it can be very hard depending on who and/or what is seeking forgiveness. To hold grudges subconsciously eats away at you and makes you into a bitter person. Plus, give yourself time to come to that point, because even those who are ready off the tip of the bat to forgive still need time to process to be able to honestly forgive. it's very much worth it to let it all go and pardon. Again, it's up to you. God will help. If we don't forgive, then how can we expect God or anyone to forgive us?

    1. Kasman profile image83
      Kasmanposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Good answer!

    2. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for your answer.

  8. jennshealthstore profile image90
    jennshealthstoreposted 5 years ago

    I know that if someone did something wrong to me I must let it go. If I hold on to the anger and pain then in the end I am really cheating myself. It allows another person to have control over you if you let what they did run your life. I know that I am in control of my life and I cannot let another's actions ruin my happiness. People tend to think that if we forgive somebody then we are letting them win, they think we are allowing ourselves to get walked on. We have to realize that it is quite the opposite of that. Just because we forgive another does not mean that we have to become acquainted with that person again. It is very important that we do not carry bitterness and anger in our hearts.

    1. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Bitterness is definitely a heavy burden to carry.

  9. Cordelia Bay profile image59
    Cordelia Bayposted 5 years ago

    Betrayal brings with it a lot of anger....at times bitterness....and even insecurities. It is truly easier to forgive something over other things. When I find myself struggling with forgiveness....I place my strength in God to help me forgive. At times, I am presented with situations and circumstances that show me where I am in that forgiveness. When I am made aware that I have not truly forgiven....I take and give it back to God and ask for the healing that is needed in my mind....will....and emotions.    It is a daily walk that brings healing within the heart....remain humble....do not live in bondage to your mistakes.....but, let them guide you to remembrance of the human factor in each of us.

    1. Kasman profile image83
      Kasmanposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Awesome!

    2. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I guess many don't really put God in their hearts.  that makes them crumble in such situations.  It's easy to turn to hate without God in our hearts.

  10. Kasman profile image83
    Kasmanposted 5 years ago

    The Lord forgave me for all the crap I've done and put people through. Then he had me go and ask several people for forgiveness as well, that wasn't easy. So I can honestly say, Jesus Christ is my strength. Unforgiveness and bitterness is like poison you swallow and you're waiting for the other person to die. Period.

    1. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      If we only have an open heart to let God enter, we can easily forgive people.

    2. TerryK81 profile image61
      TerryK81posted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Think of how badly Jesus hurt in order to forgive humanity for breaking the Law of God and offending Him. Christ forgave us after everything we did to Him so none of us has no excuse to be bitter and resentful.

  11. Theophanes profile image96
    Theophanesposted 5 years ago

    Forgiving for me comes from looking at the situation and trying to understand why the person did something that hurt me in the first place. In many cases they were unaware that it was harmful, weren't in the right mental state, or just were in the midst of a total clusterfuck which I unfortunately stumbled into.

    Forgiving is NOT forgetting. Once I forgive someone I am OK with the event but I'm sure as hell not going to let it happen again either. I think this is what people don't understand about forgiveness is that forgetting is not necessarily a part of it... in fact when it comes to people and their actions this is probably a bad idea as people rarely change. Accept them for their flaws (and watch them) or carry a grudge and leave them behind. It's your choice but it feels better to do the former.

    In cases of blatant maliciousness or sociopathy I just get away from that toxic person and feel pity for them being so unable to connect to the human race. A life without empathy is a curse indeed.

    1. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      We can never really change someone unless they allow us.

  12. rumanasaiyed profile image79
    rumanasaiyedposted 5 years ago

    I follow Islam,  and below are the sayings and teachings of God which give me strength to forgive anyone (No matter how cruel he/she  is ).

    Allah says "Nor can Goodness and Evil be Equal. Repel [ Evil] with what is better: then will be between whom and you was hatred become as it were your friend and intimate! And no one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self restraint" (Quran chapter 41 verse 34-35)

    1. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Patience and self restraint are what many people need.  Thank you for sharing your faith with us.

  13. Pat Stirnkorb profile image76
    Pat Stirnkorbposted 5 years ago

    I heard a wonderful speaker who said "Forgiveness feels like giving a pass to the person who hurt me." But when we look at the person in the shadow of the cross, it is really just one imperfect person forgiving another imperfect person....And isn't that what we all want?

    1. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Such a beautiful answer.  I like the idea of an imperfect person forgiving another imperfect person.  I will keep this in mind.  Thank you.

  14. Becky Katz profile image84
    Becky Katzposted 5 years ago

    I give it to God and then it is no longer mine to deal with. I do not forget because that just leaves me open to having to do it again. If someone hurts me intentionally, I drop them like a hot potato. Someone with that kind of poison, I don't need in my life.  I try to keep my life positive and clean.

  15. Neinahpets profile image85
    Neinahpetsposted 5 years ago

    A lot of prayer... and for some, like duffsmom said, it takes more strength and energy to hold on to that anger and let fester.  Some people are forgiving by nature and as a result they can let almost anything go (and sometimes at their own expense).

    1. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Prayers do clear the mind.

  16. josephbarrett profile image57
    josephbarrettposted 5 years ago

    I would hope that in time that you do forgive them even if they are not in your life it's better for your own well being and health really...... It's a choice that you have to make and then you will go through the motions of letting go of the emotional truama and think less and less about it. You seem to have good insight on it and who knows maybe in time they will have changed and it will be water under the bridge.

    1. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I appreciate the answer.  Thank you.

  17. UnknownAuthor72 profile image60
    UnknownAuthor72posted 5 years ago

    It is difficult to forgive someone who does something wrong to you, especially when they are not sorry or apologize for the wrong they hav done. It takes me a little longer to forgive them. I have to realize that I am not perfect either. And sometimes I have not apologized or said I was sorry. So, I have to think about this reality. Eventually my heart does forgive them because that is how I know I can be forgiven. One can't be forgiven if they can't forgive. I guess, it is important to keep in mind that no one is perfect. And some need the extra prayers to do the right thing! smile

    1. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for your honest answer.  Some forgive easily while others don't.

  18. dudumodu profile image62
    dudumoduposted 5 years ago

    Certain programmed facts :

    1. I am not perfect
    2. We are alive because God CONTINUALLY forgives us
    3. I pray daily : as we forgive them that trespass..
    4. David in Saul's tent
    5. Joseph when his brothers were b4 him in Egypt

    1. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      We are all imperfect. smile

  19. MissJamieD profile image71
    MissJamieDposted 5 years ago

    I have a relationship with God, who expects us to forgive, therefore I've always been a forgiver. Albeit I'm not a Bible thumper at all, I just try to live as good and clean as I can, because God asks us all to do that.
    I've been through situations in life that other people would never forgive but I guess In my experiences, forgiving others allows me to move on from the incident and I do not allow that issue to continue to take a negative toll on my life. That doesn't mean I actually forgive the person who hurt me though. I don't forgive the actions, I forgive them first for myself and second because none of us are perfect, we all make bad choices, sometimes they affect others and I'd expect someone to forgive me so I do unto others as I'd have done to me.

  20. profile image0
    Deepes Mindposted 5 years ago

    Forgiveness is the key that sets a person free then realizing the person that was bound is you..

    In other words, We hold on to anger and bitterness against others which prevent us in some ways from being able to move forward. But the person that wronged us is sleeping at night. In forgiving others you allow yourself to be free to move forward in your life

    1. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      This is a nice way of seeing forgiveness.  It's our own emancipation from burdens.

  21. Seek-n-Find profile image88
    Seek-n-Findposted 5 years ago

    Lots of great answers here--not sure I can share anything that hasn't already been covered.  But here is my two cents.  You asked about the source of strength.  I believe that one of the greatest powers we possess as a human is choice.  No matter our feelings--the circumstance--how others act or don't act--we, by an act of our will, choose to forgive.  This is a great strength because it is not dependent on any external factors.  As we develop the fruit of self-control and understand what is truth--we can choose to act and respond according to what is true.  When we act in this way, we experience the fruits of living a life rooted in truth:  freedom!  Forgiveness is really about freedom.Freedom for the one your forgive and freedom for you.  The will can make choices by knowledge of the truth that brings freedom which empowers a life that can be lived in true love.

    1. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      This is a very interesting point Seen N find.  We do have a choice.  Whether to forgive or not, to carry the burden or not.  Thank you for your answer.

  22. Get Thin for Good profile image71
    Get Thin for Goodposted 5 years ago

    If Jesus could forgive me, then I have to try and forgive others. Also, I know that if I don't learn (and I say learn because it's not always easy) to forgive, then I am the one who ultimately suffers, not anyone else.

    1. Cristale profile image83
      Cristaleposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I agree and it is a hard lesson to learn, but worth the knowledge.

    2. TerryK81 profile image61
      TerryK81posted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Actually, forgiving others is so much easier than forgiving yourself; forgiveness is more than just 'getting over it'. Holding it in destroys you.

    3. jpcmc profile image90
      jpcmcposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Some people just find it difficult to forgive whether others or themselves.

 
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