Can you forgive a man who has raped you?

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  1. Rishy Rich profile image75
    Rishy Richposted 13 years ago

    Can you forgive a man who has raped you?

    Emotion is impermanent just like everything else in this world. Nothing lives forever. Just like happiness - anger & hatred may not last forever as well...I believe it wont be easy to forgive a rapist but would it matter after 30 - 40 years of the incident? When you know that you or he, or both of you are in the last stage of your life & although he wasnt punished but he regretted for what he did?

  2. angela_michelle profile image93
    angela_michelleposted 13 years ago

    I believe that you can forgive someone who has raped you, but I think it is very unwise to trust them again. The fact that you were raped by them will matter forever, because rape is one of the most violating forms of abuse.  It would matter 30-40 years after the fact. I know women who have been raped and it is something that they are hurt by over and over again. Even those who have forgiven the perpetrator and even formed a semi-trusting relationship with that person, they are unable to trust people at the level they could before. It will always matter to them, that's part of life. Can they forgive, yes.

    Now, maybe if you are in the latter part of your life, they might find some sort of amicable relationship, but forgiveness does not mean they have to form a trusting friendly relationship. It just means they are not going to be angry at you. Forgiveness is often more for the angry person than the person they are angry with. So they may decide that they forgive someone, because they don't want to hold onto all that anger, but that person won't ever be the person to them they were before the rape occurred.

  3. Chaotic Chica profile image61
    Chaotic Chicaposted 13 years ago

    Yes.  Forgiveness can come easy or hard, it depends on the severity of the infraction.  The scars will always be there, a part of who you are and, unless you have managed to block the memory, you will never forget about it.  Every once in a while, you'll get angry again, that is part of being human.  It took me the better part of eight years to be able to say with honest conviction that I have forgiven mine.  I believe that I would be able to look him in the eye and tell him that.
    It didn't come easy.  What he did tore me up and messed with my head for years.  It subconsciously shaped most every  decision I made regarding the opposite sex.  Then I had one of those earth shattering days that shifted my soul and I realized that I no longer had to let him control me.  My life got a lot better after that. It would be great to know whether or not he regretted what he did to me but I have let it go regardless of his level of remorse. Secretly I wonder if he will ever know that.

  4. FuzzyCookie profile image73
    FuzzyCookieposted 13 years ago

    Lets assume that the person raped me. I could never forget something who did something so gross to me. For the reason that the act would have changed my life forever in so many ways. I would have to face  a lot of mental trauma and pain all my life. I may not even be able to trust any man again.

    Do you think you can forgive someone like that? No.

    I believe in what goes round, come around..So i believe that in his life he would have faced hardships and issues that would have thwarted him.

    idk even he came to me to ask for forgiveness.. I may/may not forgive him. But I would try to forgive.

    Well but then again its easy to say that I could forgive, but the  truth is that only a person who has lived a life with the scar of being raped could tell. I may never forgive him. neutral

  5. PaulaHenry1 profile image65
    PaulaHenry1posted 13 years ago

    I feel there are some things that are unforgivable. But I would be a hypocrite for sticking to that answer. I was "raped" or "sexually abused" for most of my 7 year marriage. I forgave him each time. But much like a physically abusive spouse, you think the last time is just that, the last. The numerous apologizes,  I will change, I didn't mean it,ect.
    However, if I did not know this person, I feel I would not forgive them.They went out of their way to target me, take control of me, without consideration and all- for control.I would have to much hate and distrust. Too much anger. I was angry at myself for not leaving sooner in my relationship, but with this I would be angry at HIM!
    When you are faced with death you are regretful for many actions. Trying to make your way to heaven I pressume, but what he did is part of him. It is his character, and unless he went to counseling and changed that defect because HE WANTED TO and no one else, maybe.

  6. KFlippin profile image61
    KFlippinposted 13 years ago

    Yes, you can forigive, but you can't forget, ever. 

    And no matter how aged they are, they should still be brought to justice if they were charged with the act of rape and skipped out.  As some have already responded, the act of rape can be found in many settings, life environments - when it's so heinous, and the victim has endured the effort to bring charges, the man should be brought to trial, even if he walks away after, because he is so aged.

  7. days leaper profile image60
    days leaperposted 13 years ago

    Pity rather than forgive. 
    If forgiveness means not doing anything dark in retaliation then OK.
    If you mean see them again, I suggest not, What has become bad can never become pure like it was; there is always that doubt, and forcing yourself to trust is like rubbing salt into a very deep wound.  No matter how long it has been.
    Good Luck to all with recovery.  But accept this has to be on very different lines.

  8. fireball* profile image61
    fireball*posted 13 years ago

    I was not raped but attempted...My father's nephew.In my country blood relation is very important.My family forgiven him,but me....How can you forgive the person who never accepts his sin?Maybe if the rapist admits his faults and ask forgiveness,maybe you can forgive but you can never forget the emotional pain you suffered.
    I maybe hard to others but there are times that your forgiveness is never wanted,so it is very difficult to forgive the person who never wants it.
    It's been 20 years since it happened but the emotional pain is still here in my heart..Unless maybe the person concen will admit his faults, maybe I can forgive him...forgiveness can be easily given if its ask.

  9. Lady Guinevere profile image71
    Lady Guinevereposted 13 years ago

    Yes you can, but it takes a long time to get over the event first.  I wrote hub about my experience and my forgiveness.: … -The-Light

  10. profile image53
    muddle<34posted 13 years ago

    i've never been able to forgive the person who raped me. but it was only nine years ago and i was only 11 years old, so i dont think i will ever be able to forgive him, especially as he was never caught or punished and could still be out there, hurting more young girls on the street even now. so in my opinion i think that it depends on if you feel that you ever got closure, which i dont feel i have. maybe then you can forgive but no one will ever forget that horrible experience.

  11. Inspired to write profile image80
    Inspired to writeposted 12 years ago

    Rape of a woman! Response, and point of view from a male perspective! Should I forgive the person who raped me, how will I cope with my life from now onwards? read more

  12. NathanielZhu profile image66
    NathanielZhuposted 12 years ago


    What happens if you forgive him
    - Nothing
    What happens if you do not forgive him
    - Nothing

    The question of "Can" depends on you only.
    Do you WANT to forgive him?

    On one side, if you don't forgive him, you will always be tormented by this incident. If you do, you will find some peace.

    Think about it, who are you hurting by subjecting yourself to this torment?
    - Yourself ONLY
    He doesn't care whether or forgive him or not
    - The choice is yours.

    What will make your life easier?
    - Then do it!

  13. chasemillis profile image72
    chasemillisposted 12 years ago

    Yes you can forgive, but by yourself; probably not. With God, anything is possible. But will you permanently forget it? Not unless someone hits you on the head and you lose all your previous memory.

  14. Matthew Woolsey profile image63
    Matthew Woolseyposted 7 years ago

    Short answer is sometimes forgiveness is for God. Some wounds never heal. They will be judged in the end.

  15. tamarawilhite profile image87
    tamarawilhiteposted 7 years ago

    You are not Biblically obligated to do so unless all these conditions are met:
    * he faces punishment / makes amends to society (like a thief returning what is stolen with interest)
    * he has not hurt you since in any regard (hasn't blamed you, made fun of you, badmouthed you)
    * is truly guilty and sorry for the deed, not just sorry caught and punished

    Then and only then should you forgive, and it is not a requirement of you to do so.


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