If you are a result of a "stayed together for the kids" family, how do you end a subconscious cycle?
I'm in my 20's, & I'm the result of a "stayed together for the kids" relationship whose parents are still in denial. In every area except with men/sex you could say I'm happy & well adjusted/self-actualized. I'm an independent, spiritual, & conscious/deep thinker in almost every other area. I'm aware that I/my sibling(s) have LOTS of issues bc of my parents' dysfunctional relationship. I now find myself being forced to break off a relationship with an unmarried man whose parents did the same, & now he's doing it unaware with his kid by trying to force himself to love its manipulative mother.
Good question. the only answer i can come up with is to divorce or seperate, sometimes this is the best option.
Couples who stay together 'for the kids' will invariably pass along resentment and respect issues onto the children, and as children are a lot smarter and more perceptive than most adults give them credit for, the whole situation will be obvious.
The adults involved will either stay together up until the kids leaving home and then seperate, being forced to explain to the kids why they are now no longer together. Or they will stay together after the kids have left home, trapped in a loveless relationship with routine, habit and familiarity being the main contributing elements.
Either way, if the problems faced by the parents, force them to stay together for the kids, either some form of marriage guidance, to try to repair the relationship problems, or seperation would probably be better.
Divorce is never pleasant for the kids, but surely two independant parents, who are happy with their lives would be more beneficial to the children, than two parents locked together in a loveless arrangement.
With respect to your own position, you seem to be aware of the problems in your parents relationship, i would try to keep it in mind, and not allow it to influence your own relationships. Your parents stayed together for you and your siblings, even though i don't agree with it, i am convinced they did this with your best interests at heart.
Thank you for your answer. It give me a lot to think about. I just found it ironic in retrospect when I realized that a person who grew up under same kind of conditions and I found each other (seemingly accidentally because of how we met). Then, that person is doing the same thing to their kid now...It is quite weird to have to evaluate things your subconscious is causing you to do without being fully aware of it at the exact moment it occurs.
by dashingscorpio 4 years ago
Ever known anyone that stayed in a bad relationship/marriage for the love of their mate's family?I knew of a person who loved their in-laws and their family gatherings so much that they were willing to endure unhappiness in the marriage in order to maintain that bond. Since she had no children by...
by Alem Belton 5 years ago
Does a sarcastic parent result in a smart mouthed, disrespectful kid?I just heard about a study that suggests that children who have sarcastic parents are more likely to end up being smart mouthed and disrespectful. I agree with this study. As anyone who has kids knows, either...
by Jennifer 5 years ago
In a new relationship where both parties have kids. How long should you wait to meet the kids?
by kumar1234 5 years ago
I am indian national having a filipina girl friend. We are on for almost 8 years now. We met online in 2001 and managed to meet after 4 years of countinous communications. we both are in dubai now and happily living here.She is always my strength and there is no life with out her. we had realized...
by Sunshine Diaz 4 years ago
If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
by Sima Ballinger 8 years ago
Do you know anyone who married a second time and stayed together? Tips for staying together?
Copyright © 2019 HubPages Inc. and respective owners. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc. HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
|HubPages Device ID||This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.|
|Login||This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.|
|HubPages Traffic Pixel||This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.|
|Remarketing Pixels||We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.|
|Conversion Tracking Pixels||We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.|