If you are a result of a "stayed together for the kids" family, how do you end a

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   SuperBunny88posted 13 years ago

   If you are a result of a "stayed together for the kids" family, how do you end a subconscious cycle?
   
   I'm in my 20's, & I'm the result of a "stayed together for the kids" relationship whose parents are still in denial. In every area except with men/sex you could say I'm happy & well adjusted/self-actualized. I'm an independent, spiritual, & conscious/deep thinker in almost every other area. I'm aware that I/my sibling(s) have LOTS of issues bc of my parents' dysfunctional relationship. I now find myself being forced to break off a relationship with an unmarried man whose parents did the same, & now he's doing it unaware with his kid by trying to force himself to love its manipulative mother.

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2. 61

   dadibobsposted 13 years ago

   Good question. the only answer i can come up with is to divorce or seperate, sometimes this is the best option.
   
   Couples who stay together 'for the kids' will invariably pass along resentment and respect issues onto the children, and as children are a lot smarter and more perceptive than most adults give them credit for, the whole situation will be obvious.
   
   The adults involved will either stay together up until the kids leaving home and then seperate, being forced to explain to the kids why they are now no longer together. Or they will stay together after the kids have left home, trapped in a loveless relationship with routine, habit and familiarity being the main contributing elements.
   
   Either way, if the problems faced by the parents, force them to stay together for the kids, either some form of marriage guidance, to try to repair the relationship problems, or seperation would probably be better.
   
   Divorce is never pleasant for the kids, but surely two independant parents, who are happy with their lives would be more beneficial to the children, than two parents locked together in a loveless arrangement.
   
   With respect to your own position, you seem to be aware of the problems in your parents relationship, i would try to keep it in mind, and not allow it to influence your own relationships. Your parents stayed together for you and your siblings, even though i don't agree with it, i am convinced they did this with your best interests at heart.

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3. 61

   SuperBunny88posted 13 years ago

   Thank you for your answer.  It give me a lot to think about.  I just found it ironic in retrospect when I realized that a person who grew up under same kind of conditions and I found each other (seemingly accidentally because of how we met).  Then, that person is doing the same thing to their kid now...It is quite weird to have to evaluate things your subconscious is causing you to do without being fully aware of it at the exact moment it occurs.

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