Who should make relationship decisions in marriage, husband and wife or relative

1. 60

   dazzledeposted 13 years ago

   Who should make relationship decisions in marriage, husband and wife or relatives?
   
   Relationship decisions to be taken by those who are involved and want the best from it or those who feel they know the best without being in the situation or understanding its importance?

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2. 0

   reeltaulkposted 13 years ago

   I am not married but I will say this due to common sense!  if you are married to someone and you and that someone cannot come together and work whatever problems out, you are better off getting a divorce.  When you decide to marry someone your marriage is not going to consist of relatives or extended family.  You make that move to move on and extend the family that you initially knew by creating yours.  It's rare that you have family that is consistent and unconditionally have your best interest at heart, minus manipulation, envy or insecurity.  So why would anyone want to hear what someone on the outside has to say.  FOr all you know they may hate the fact that you have someone, or just want to make your life miserable.  Who the hell knows.....the way people think these days you have no idea what they are capable of.  If you truly love your mate wife husband, better half, partner, lover who ever.....If YOU two truly love each other you can come to a decision/conclusion ON YOUR OWN it's called Compromise aka GrowN UP!
   
   FYI:  If you are that desperate and listen to a relative family member etc. and you lose the one that was meant for you, don't be mad at anyone but yourself CiAO!
   
   Vonda G. Nelson

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3. 67

   Josh and Lindseyposted 13 years ago

   I think that marriage is a joining of families, and to ignore parents, siblings, etc., the primary people who shape who we are for our first 18+ years of life is to completely disregard the people who raised us and to give up a part of ourselves, of our history.
   
   That being said, families shouldn't be involved in every decision.  There are certainly aspects of a marriage that should be personal and private, but families should be brought in on some things.  Our families know us in ways different from the ways our spouses know us, and thus can offer different perspectives.  They can calm you down when you've had an argument and help guide you back to reason.  They can also provide wisdom from experiences you haven't personally had.  My parents, and I think the parents of most people, are truly concerned for both my and my husband's best interest.  They don't meddle, but they do help make decisions because they know things we don't.  When we started to invest, they provided knowledge.  When we buy a house, our parents will certainly be involved--it's something they have done multiple times and we haven't.  To not involve them would be stupid on our part. They also provide perspectives that you might not have.  For example, when my sister was set on a horrendous name for her child, my parents were able to step and prevent my niece's nick name in school from being "cat wizz".
   
   So while I think some things, like your sex life, should be kept private, but the big, life-altering decisions should be made with a group of those who are interested in your best interests as a couple and can bring knowledge and experience to the table.  Families are often those people (provided they are a positive, healthy influence; void all of the above if they're not).

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4. 68

   darrylcrawfordposted 13 years ago

   In marriage I have been taught that the man is superior to the woman and that the woman is superior to the man. I know that sounds crazy but both are superior to the other and both need each other and only both of them or should I say the married couple (they should be one) together make the choices together equally. A man can't have a baby without the woman and a woman can't have a baby without the man. They are two halves which equal one when join together.

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5. 71

   lburmasterposted 13 years ago

   No relatives. If my relatives attempted to run my marriage, I would stay away from them as much as I could. It is the husband and wife together. They are both sides of the marriage. They are the ones that makes the choices together.

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6. 0

   marellenposted 13 years ago

   In a marriage all decisions should be made between the husband and wife. If they have resolved all their resources I would suggest the advice of therapists or a  marriage counselor who can help, but both partners have to be willing to cooperate.

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7. 0

   Jussara Scottonposted 13 years ago

   Definitely not relatives. There should be a consensus between husband and wife.

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   1. 52

      Alice Adhiamboposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      decisions are made by both parties agreeing on issues

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8. 60

   dazzledeposted 13 years ago

   Lindsey and Josh thank you. I think that was a very well thought out answer and I am in complete agreement. But whether we are married or single we do need to face the fact that we are living in a social environment and no matter how strong a person may be they can and are, influenced by people who have a strong presence in their lives.
   
   It is important for us to keep asking such difficult questions in live because you may never know when you may find yourself in such a situation. It is important to be practical and also decide what is the goal in your life.
   
   I believe that a husband and wife should reconcile their differences, if any, by mutual consent. They should only talk to those people who they know will listen and give them the pros and cons and not just their opinion of what should be done. The H and W need to agree on the goal they have in life for the relationship that they share and whether it is the most important aspect of their lives. If they can reach that concensus their priorities will be clear and then they need not listen to anyone but to their hearts. But knowing the pros and cons of every decision is an important factor.
   
   But another aspect to the situation is that some people do need external support. Their personalities demand that. I think in such a situation the H and W should ensure that they have a good communication...if they cannot talk and communication correctly at a time when their relationship might be at stake...they definitely cannot communicate later on.
   
   Some have directly gone for divorce and to that the only thing I have to say is that sometimes just extreme measures are not the solution. If two people have actually thought a lot and spend time before coming together in marriage, the relationship means something to them...differences come between parents and siblings too but that does not mean that they separate permanently.
   
   Its just a trail of thoughts and I am sure our little discussions can actually help a few lost souls out there.

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9. 83

   minesgmposted 13 years ago

   It should be between wife and husband. It would be a mess if there is somebody in between. Relatives could only suggest and advice but should not be the decision maker. But sometimes if they influenced the decision of the husband or the wife, the couple should sit and discuss about it to avoid conflict and be responsible for whatever consequences of that decision. Communication between husband and wife is important.

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10. 59

    McRobinposted 13 years ago

    When it comes to family issues and concerns both the husband and wife SHOULD talk things through. They'd share their opinions, fears and dreams etc... but when it comes to REACHING FOR A DECISION, It should be the husband role since he is the head of the family. The wife supposedly MUST support her husbands decisions.
    This is to keep the superiority of men over women.

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11. 75

    moonfairyposted 13 years ago

    the husband and wife should make the decisions...unless they want to find themselves in divorce court. Other family members should mind their own business unless asked.

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12. 61

    ReneeDC1979posted 11 years ago

    I'm not married, but you can't let other people make your decisions.  They are not the one's to live with the decisions, so why have other people run your life.

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13. 60

    bituinolayquizanoposted 10 years ago

    I think only husband and wife should do any decisions its their family and relatives like our parents can only give advise but not to the point that they will be the one to decide.

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14. 53

    skytreeroadposted 10 years ago

    The husband and wife have an obligation to themselves to maintain their own relationship well enough so that relatives do not need to think that they are required to step into the relationship and fix anything.

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