How do you fix a relationship whose trust has been broken by infidelity?

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   Cardisaposted 13 years ago

   How do you fix a relationship whose trust has been broken by infidelity?

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   Menjia_Roseposted 13 years ago

   Truthfully, you can't build on a foundation that has already been cracked, because the damage is only covered up. You will use up so much energy trying to repair the relationship, when it's best just to leave and accept that it's over. If the relationship meant a great deal to the partners then infidelity would've had no ground to enter causing your foundation to become cracked. A Cheater is just that a cheater, one who doesn't emotionally connect easily. Some advice let it go and start over, though give yourself the proper time to heal before moving on(rebounds are not healthy either).

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   Sheila Leeposted 13 years ago

   That is a good question. If you truly want to fix it, then it will take a lot of time, patience, and couple's counseling to fix it. The other person who cheated is going to have to earn your trust and that may take a long time. And this is not going to happen overnight. It will take a long time.

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   kkuma01posted 13 years ago

   First the cheater has to be honest about why they cheated. A clue to if they are ready to do that is if they DO NOT make it about the person they cheated on.
   If you are willing to work through it (which will be extremely hard) and so is the cheater it is doable. You will need help from a third party I think. Whatever you decide BE HONEST with yourself.

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   ikechiawazieposted 13 years ago

   The answer is easy but to take the action is difficult. You just have to find it in your heart to forgive; people are prone to make mistakes. Also, the cheater does not have too just seek forgiveness but truly be sorry for his actions and work towards making it right. For the one who has been hurt, i can only say that it takes courage  to forgive and it takes maturity to fix a relationship

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   Bills Placeposted 13 years ago

   Good question, but there is not correct answer it depends on the person. I've been in that situation so I can only tell you from personal experience...it's not easy, but can be worked on if you both really want to. First, like Kuma said they have to be open and honest with you about themselves, not blame the other person.
   
   After everything is in the open, you basically have to start over on earning trust back. This incident occurred almost 3 months ago and we've agreed to work things out and put it behind us. The trust is still being worked on, but I felt it was worth giving her a second chance. But it really just depends on the person.

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   dashingscorpioposted 13 years ago

   Most people consider cheating to be a "deal breaker". I think the first thing that needs to happen is the person who was betrayed should take a week off away from their mate just to decide if they really want to stay with them.
   Too often a hurt person is quick to forgive or try to "fix" things as a (reflex). After being cheated on the thought of the relationship/marriage coming to an end as well is too much for them to bear. They worry about becoming another statistic or what others will say if they breakup or divorce. They hate the thought of having to "start over". They'd rather deal with "the devil they know" type of thing.
   
   Some people automatically want to forgive the cheater (without the cheater asking for forgiveness!) Is he/she sorry for what they did? or Are they sorry they caught? Most cheaters look to hold onto all that is good or comfortable in their primary relationship while addressing other needs on the side. The cheater doesn't want to give up a "known present" for an "unknown future". There are people who treat relationships like jobs. They won't leave one unless they have another one lined up.
   
   It's also not uncommon for the cheater to bend over backwards to make amends only to have the "betrayed person" reach the conclusion they will (never ever trust them again). Sometimes they even end up having an unplanned "revenge affair" . The forgiver ends becoming a liar or cheater simply because they did not know themselves well enough before stating they would forgive and want to work things out.
   
   Before there is any decision about trying to fix a relationship the hurt person has to truly know his or herself. There are questions which need to be answered. Is forgiveness something you really (want) to do? Why do you want to stay in a relationship with someone who has betrayed you? Do you love yourself?
   Last but not least, Do you believe in your heart of hearts that you pushed your mate away by neglecting them, abusing them, taking them for granted...etc If your answer is "no" to that last question then you should end the relationship because if you gave it your all or very best and they cheated on you what else can you do differently? Nothing! The only person you have control over is yourself.

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   AgonyAuntDeeposted 13 years ago

   You can get through this as u can get through anything. The question is do you want to and have you really forgiven your partner?  If your partner has told you about their infidelity then immediately remember how hard it must be to tell you and how much respect they have for you instead of letting you find out or never telling you. Instead of blowing up, ask all the questions you need to know and find out their motive for doin it, were they forced? Drunk? Was it because of you? Were they a previous love? Find out who it was too. Accept that the person has cheated because they cant take it back. Thats the first step. After discussing what has happened ask the person if they are sorry, would they honestly do it again and what they want to come out of this. Its either going to be they want to break up, stay and continue to mess around or stay and become a stronger couple. Then ask yourself what you want. Do you genuinely believe your partner is sorry? Do you think he will do it again and last can you really forgve him? There is no point in trying to make it work if you cant forgive.. You will find yourself thinking about it all the time and bringing it up in arguments and the atmosphere will be tense.. You also both wont be happy.. Slowly work on your cmunication and trust.. That will take a while to build up again. Make sure the person tells you where they are going amd who they will be with. You need to know at thosstage because you will find you wont trust the person at this stage. It might sound crazy but talking about the event can help because you come to terms with it more and you can actually speak with your partner as they are the one that can give you the answers u need.. Start doing a lot more together and have some fun.. Your going to need something to take your mind off it and it will in turn help you to put it to the back of your head. Do you really need to tell a friend or family member whats happened if you are trying to make it work? The problem if you do is that your family n friends will always judge the person so you will never fully be able to forget and fet over what your partner has done... If you have anymore question guys just put them on my page.. Id love to help..

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   krissy72posted 13 years ago

   The only way to fix a broken relationship is through communication. If the cheater will not tell you their reasons for cheating than it will not work and you will not be able to build trust again. Do you think you can fully trust this person again in your heart and do you believe that they are truly sorry for their actions and won't do it again?

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    Tmonicaposted 13 years ago

    This is a very good question. It all depends on if the person is able to forgive the person who cheated. The hardest thing would be to be able to trust that person again. If they have done it once they usually can do it again, but I am sure that does not go for everyone. Honestly though if you love someone there is no reason to cheat at all. In order to repair the relationship there would have to be a lot done, talking about and seeing why this happened and why they wouldn't just end the relationship before going elsewhere instead of hurting someone. Trust being rebuilt is a very hard thing but can be done but the question is, is it even worth it after that?

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    Hypersapienposted 13 years ago

    Trust is in many ways more important than love.  I think that this is almost impossible to fix unless the relationship is one in which both partners have caused a certain amount of damage (not necessarily infidelity on both parts, but harm in other ways), and thus there needs to be forgiveness on both sides. 
    
    Beyond that, I think it is difficult to salvage anything because the partner who was true can drive themselves crazy in the future constantly wondering where the other person is, what they are doing, who they are doing it with...  It's just not worth the anxiety.

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    daizhiningposted 13 years ago

    cant be fixed, if the trust is broken there is no way that the marriage will survive with all the suspicious to that person who cheat.

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    cookies4breakfastposted 13 years ago

    I only know of one couple that actually survived a cheating spouse, and it took years of counseling for her to really trust him and know he was committed to her and their marriage.  The bright note is that they now counsel other couples at their church, and they are very happy.  Since this is one couple out of the thousands I know, I'd advise someone who was cheated on to run, not walk, from that relationship.  The trust is gone.

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    VeronicaInspiresposted 13 years ago

    I guess the first question that needs to be asked is: Can the relationship be fixed?
    
    If it's clear that the person has been upfront about their cheating, acknowledges that it was a mistake and genuinely wants to change, then rebuilding trust is key.
    
    The cheater needs to be willing to do what is needed (reasonable requests only) to make the other person feel comfortable until that trust is rebuilt: obviously no more cheating, answering the phone when they call, being available and accessible, going to therapy if needed or whatever contingency is set forth and not giving the other person a reason to doubt them. 
    
    The person that was cheated on, has to be willing to forgive, needs to allow the other person the opportunity to right their wrongs and prove themselves, not constantly rehashing the situation over and over again and asking God to heal them.

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    imamkrateposted 13 years ago

    if the couple want to fix it , they should discuss the causes of cheating and in case they want to rebuild the trust and relationship between them  must be based on promises

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    adid727posted 13 years ago

    I don't know, when it is unfixable, usually it cannot be fixed.
    
    something like this will help you get over it
    
    <p>It might also help to know how to sing the blues. =</p><p>http://www.MovieWired.com
    </p>

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    move2moveposted 13 years ago

    Hmm ... for most of the people, love is conditional and due to this fact, agreements are done between 2 persons, in relation of what they expect from each other. Even though that theses agreements, like I would call them, with some little differences within the population are generally & naturally accepted by everybody, they are intrinsically the same for most of the people in western societies.This is also due to how we are educated & based on what the sets of moral values we grew up with, are built on. Until here ... nothing really new!
    But as we are more than just the values we define ourselves through, and that we constantly grow, exception made by some of the many possible pit-stops we encounter in our personal evolution .... might it be that what we expect someone to be, has nothing to do with who s/he is? What yet doesn't mean that this person is a bad one, even though that our system of values makes him/her devilish as soon s/he does not fit with our bill of expectations.
    
    Now the question is, can your partner be honest in that relationship about what s/he really feels and think, even when s/he never would in normal circumstances, break the common agreements? Or is the requirement to be honest to each other just a better way to police your partner because the truth might probably be that you don't even know if you can trust him/her or not?
    Has S/he to be who I expect her/him to be or should s/he just BE who S/he really is?
    I think that's a crucial question to begin with as the 1st part of the question might make a truthful conversation about each other a bit complicated. Even if Being Yourself is eventually told to be allowed & wanted, it often shows up that this isn't the case at all in reality ...
    How flexible are you in your relationship and what do you call being open-minded within your own mutual agreements?
    Redefine yourselves with your own sets of values, reinvent yourself, nobody says this isn't allowed, right ;-)?!

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    Justjedposted 13 years ago

    Fixing a relationship whose trust has been broken by infidelity is a very difficult task. The reason being that, what is the assurance that there wont be a repeat performance after the issue might have  been resolved ? It is very difficult for someone that cheated during dating not to cheat later on.

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    verygoodieposted 13 years ago

    After your eyes are feeling ok and not all swollen anymore. You become strong. You start to balance what seem to had kept your balance and free fall until those feelings start to fade away.  To forgive is good but you will always remember. It's a process that fixes itself. It's all controlled by the person that is hurting. One day, or years, the light shines, you can't see the broken part that hurt you, and you feel alive. The burden is forgotten.  It isn't easy. You march to the sound of the drummer that only you can hear ~ Cause nobody knows ~ How it hurts ~ Then it ends~ Or if it is worth trusting ~ You get stronger each & every time it ever happens again. Don't let it take over your life. Live Life as if today is the last time and tomorrow will be the first.

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    kdasherchildersposted 13 years ago

    You don't. A relationship cannot be "fixed", and you don't "try" to make a relationship work. Trust is the glue that holds a relationship together, without trust, you are destined for failure and alot of anger issues, to boot. There are those that are truely able to forgive, but even with forgivness, you are haunted with the memory. A relationship either works or it doesn't. Besides, in the end, the "cheater" will have all this come back on him/her...ten fold! Believe dat!!

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    rajan jollyposted 13 years ago

    I don't know if the relationship can be fixed but forgiving and not raking up past issues after reconciling will go a long way in cementing a relationship provided both are faithful to one henceforth. I believe, trust and faithfulness are of prime importance amongst several other factors in a relationship

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    stbriansposted 8 years ago

    A relationship is built in trust. Infidelity breaks the trust. However, the relationship can be mended by the aggrieved talking over the matter, the cause and the way forward

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