Did my new husband marry me for love or convenience?

1. 61

   doormat12posted 13 years ago

   Did my new husband marry me for love or convenience?
   
   My husband and I have been married for just a month. We have been together for 4 years total. I have 2 children (24 and 17), he has 2 children (9 and 7).  My issue at hand is the fact that I am starting to think that he only married me so he would have someone to help with his children. Their biological mother only gets them 2 days per week, we have them the rest of the time. Now that we are married, my husband travels out of town 3 days per week for work, and when he's in town, he has begun working longer hours. That leaves me, taking care of his children all of the time.

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2. 76

   Author Cherylposted 13 years ago

   Well I think you should confront him.  You dont have to be nasty about it but I would ask him in a nice way.  If he hesitates or gets mad then probably

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3. 61

   Sue B.posted 13 years ago

   I think you can certainly ask and discuss you concerns. I agree with the other answer- it is important to confront these issues in a nice way.  I think though it is important to focus not on what you fear his motives for marrying you could have been but on how you are feeling.  Assume he married you because he loves you, wanted a share a home with you and build/join families.  You still feel as though he is pursuing what he wants and needs to pursue and you are left caring for both of your families.  It sounds like you feel burdened and that your needs and your plans for your life are not being considered.  Perhaps it is these types of feelings that you need to discuss.  I think your concern has less to do with your husband's motivation to marry you and more about your dissatisfaction with what your life has shaped into  once you were married.

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4. 61

   doormat12posted 13 years ago

   Thank you Sue and Cheryl for your answers. I have approached this subject with my husband several times both before and after we were married. He does manual labor, over 4o hours per week, and I work over 40 hours weekly (being on salary stinks), I've told him that I cannot just drop everything at 3PM everyday to make sure his children get picked up from school or the babysitters. Before I moved into his home, he had childcare arrangements (mostly family). Now, it has become my responsibility to pick them up, fix dinner, do homework, get them ready for bed, and so on. He's even texted me at work to tell me, not ask if I am able, to leave and pick the children up, get their uniforms, and have them at a ball game in another town by a certain time. He travels from Wednesday morning until Friday or Saturday night, and refuses to ask the children's mother to get them at all, ever. Yes, I know we are a family, and it's not that I feel burdened, he just never asks and never says thank you for anything I do. When I try to discuss it with him, he gets angry, and says that he shouldn't have to ask, it's an understanding ALWAYS that I will just do it.

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5. 62

   faria_lupinposted 13 years ago

   dear it is depend on your relationship like if it is fine then you can discuss with your husband i am sure it can help you but in a good way don't argue try to make him understand and tell him about your feelings, your reasons everything
   why don't you wok outside after taking care of your all children you can go for a job it can help your thoughts i mean you may busy with other work, if you want to...
   and one thing try to make your relationship better make him fall in love with you once more

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6. 61

   BeingOtherWomanposted 13 years ago

   After reading your last comment, I believe that your husband is a very selfish and unreasonable man.  Has any of this come out before you were married?
   
   It's not your place to always be put on the spot, considering that you work full time and before your marriage, he had others helping out with the child care.  It's not fair to you and it's not fair to the kids if you start resenting them because you are being forced to take on more than you can handle.

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