What are your thoughts about not having children?
So many people want to have children, and they question those couples as to when they are going to have children? Are they really asking "when not?" or why not?
I think some people ask absent mindedly. They don't really consider that maybe the couple has been trying for years, and has some sensitivity on the issue.
Most people, however, want to get the juicy gossip material, "...and she said Jim is taking sperm count increasing pills"... "Jill has constricted ovaries, did you know that??"
blah blah blah.
I have faith because the Holy Spirit promised me I will have children and grandchildren to fill my table.
However, there are some women who virtually interrogate my wife on this. They don't do it when I am there. They wait until my sweet wife is alone. People can be terrible, wicked, servants of the devil.
They ought to shut up.
Having children is a fundamental human right, the choice is ours to make. Nobody should be 'pressured' into having children just to appease their peers or their relatives. Neither should you feel pressured by a fear of getting old either; there are loads of children out there who would love for you to adopt them, particularly in countries stricken by poverty.
Personally I don't intend to have children. Its not because I'm selfish or I don't have a nurturing side, its mainly due to environmental concerns. Our world population stands at 7 billion and continues to rise everyday. At the same time natural resources dwindle, wild spaces grow smaller resulting in extinctions. If I was to have a child, I shudder to think of the world it will grow up in. But I would never tell anybody not to have a child, because the decision is theirs, and theirs alone.
Excellent and thoughtful synopsis on the situation at hand.
Yes, a very thoughtful response. I've always thought it curious that sometimes people who don't have children are called selfish. Is it any less selfish for those who bring children into this world? They have them because of their own desires/needs.
I wish there were a bit more context to the situation in which the question is being asked but I think most often it's an innocent question. People just assume that others in a relationship will or want to have children and don't consider that they may not be able. I'm not saying assumption is good, it just is.
I love my kids...more than anything I can imagine. If you've been in love, notice I didn't say easy. I feel that not having children, one could miss out on a love greater than any they've ever known. On the other hand, I commend those that don't for whatever reason because a child is not something to have when there is a reasonable amount of doubt lingering. It's a commitment beyond marriage, money, or anything else life throws our way.
@JKenny - Though I have kids...I share your concern everyday.
Based on some of the atrocities involving children that we hear and read about, at an alarming rate.....I am convinced there are far too many ignorant and nasty individuals having babies they do not want or simply cannot take care of properly.
This is something that both breaks my heart and enrages me. My Child Advocacy blood runs cold.
Then, there are wonderful, loving couples who would be ideal parents, but cannot seem to have them. There are also couples who choose to remain childless.
Let's give a nod to the "DUGGARS," too, with their brood of 20 children!!
In each of these situations, there will always be those who comment and question. It's human nature. It's fairly apparent we should all try to be a bit more sensitive and less NOSY when it comes to such a personal issue.
Good luck with that...eh?
I believe you should only have children because YOU want them. The same is true for marriage. Life is a personal journey. Your choice of how you want to live is up to you! Naturally there are some people who may be hoping for grand-children, nephews, or nieces.
Some people believe having children "strengthens or bonds" a marriage more closely. These are the same people who worried while having a monogamus relationship if there was no engagment,(something was wrong) and then they worried if there was no wedding date set, and after the wedding they worry if there are no children....etc Their fear is too much individuality, freedom, and options make it too easy to walk away from a relationship or marriage. All relationships are "at will" anyway!
There are others who believe couples that don't have children are "selfish". If getting what you want makes one selfish then those that have kids because they want them are no less selfish than those who don't. Awhile back I wrote a hub on this subject. Life is what YOU make it!
http://dashingscorpio.hubpages.com/hub/ … ngchildren
I said the same thing a bit ago. if anyone is selfish, those who have children are selfish as well for following their own desires.
Here's my two cents.....It isn't the childfree who are selfish but those who incessantly have kid after kid after kid who selfishly procreate without considering the ramifications of their actions on their already existing children, making the family even more impoverished than they already are. At least, childfree couples are thoughtful while megaparents......AREN'T!
Different people have different reasons. Some inquisitive. Some nosey. Some worried. My family couldn't understand why I wasn't pregnant my first 1 1/2 to 2 years of being married. I think there was an expectation and when their time frame wasn't met they became concerned that either there was something wrong (which there was) or if we decided not to have children. It's hard for people to admit they want grandkids and want to know what you are thinking about your time frame. It is fustrating and hurtful for couples who are actively trying and being unsuccessful to be constantly questioned. Maybe the right question is "What are your thoughts on children?" and if an answer is given accept that answer. If none are given, don't pry further. On second thought, Maybe no question is the best question. Have a wait and see attitude and find something else to occupy your mind.
I don't know about others, but me, I love children. I think those little person is energizer. I even consider my children as my source of inspirations and the reason of goals i want to achieve. I have one child. I love her more than I love my self. I actually want to have more, but since i am divorced, I decided to adopt whoever want to give me one. So God love me, I have 2 adopted son cos their parent can't effort to pay the life expenses. I enjoy having all the trouble my children cost me. I feel a life and so useful knowing those lives depend on me and expect more from me for their great future. My youngest adopted son is taken back by his family, i felt little bit sad and regretted, but then again, I can't force all happiness in life to be mine. If only everybody experience the life of having children, I don't think anyone would say "I don't want to have children yet"
I believe that there are couples in the world who would do great never having children. Not every woman has an automatic parental instinct built in. Case in point; I am the oldest of 4 girls I had 4 children and did great, my siblings had children and were unable to parent so other people who needed that in their life raised my nieces and nephews.
There is NOTHING wrong in deciding to be childfree. Many people have children because they were inculcated by parents, relatives, and religion to have children. They were indoctrinated that to be married eventually means to be parents. Yes, many couples have children because of societal, parental, and religious pressure.
They are told if they do not have children, they are selfish and not leading a full and fulfilled life that only children could bring. Although childfree couples are increasingly accepted, they are still not viewed as authentic families the way couples with children are viewed. It takes an extremely strong and self-assured childfree couple not to succumb to the pronatalist pressure to have children.
Alas, many couples have children although they subconsciously do not want them. As parents, they regard their children as noisome conveniences and they are perfunctory parents to their children. There are parents who are GLAD when their children are away from them, either at school, camp, or with relatives. These are the parents who become unglued if their children with them for a certain period of time. Also, these are the parents who hope that when their children reach 18, push them out of the house. They AREN'T happy having children and their children AREN'T happy being with them.
Only a small percentage of couples really and genuinely want to have children. They see parenthood as a sacred and beautiful vocation and their children know it. They see their children as precious, God-entities instead of the noisome, barely tolerated nuisances that some parents feel about their children. The former actually ENJOY their children and view their role as parents as loving, caring, and nurturing their children to be the people they were meant to be. Sadly, such parents are RARE.
Children are highly instinctual. They know where they are loved and wanted and when they AREN'T. Many children are treated as conveniences by their parents at best and highly intrusive nuisances at worst. Not every couple is meant to have children and some are BETTER without children. However, many couples succumb to the conditioning that as married people, they MUST have children which some do to their UTTER REGRET later on.
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