If you chose not to have children, do you regret it?

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  1. M. T. Dremer profile image86
    M. T. Dremerposted 8 years ago

    If you chose not to have children, do you regret it?

    This question is mostly aimed at adults who decided not to have children (whether because of infertility fatigue or personal preference) but I invite others who don't fit perfectly into the niche to share their thoughts as well.

  2. Phyllis Doyle profile image92
    Phyllis Doyleposted 8 years ago

    I have two grown children and I cannot imagine life without them. One of my brothers and his wife decided not to have children and they have a very happy life together. I know couples who had children only to try and keep the marriage together and it does not always work.

    Good question, MT.

  3. profile image0
    TheBizWhizposted 8 years ago

    I do have children, but I started late (35) so in some way, I can relate to those who don't have children because I spent the better part if of my life without them.

    I know that if I could go back and redo things, my life would not be the same as now (at least that is how it is in the movies like Back to the Future), but I wish my kids had been a part of my life for a lot longer because they were what was missing. Not that before they came, I had this driving desire to have children, but knowing now how happy they make me, I wish I could have felt that feeling my whole adult life.

    Weird but true. I hope that contributes in some way.

  4. dashingscorpio profile image81
    dashingscorpioposted 8 years ago

    Never! People who don't want children should never have them.smile
    Everyone one I know who had children had lives filled with more stress than myself. Huge efforts were made to create a "cocoon of protection" from everything negative in the world via TV, Internet, music, and movies. Sometimes lying about their own childhoods.
    Adding teen drivers to car insurance is expensive and most parents can't get to sleep until their car is safe in the garage and teen is in bed. It seems as if the "worrying" never stops! The noise never stops!
    They also had many unforeseen expenses as well. In some instances these expenses didn't stop even after the children became adults! Parents became human ATM machines!
    Everything costs more when there is a group whether it's just going to see a movie, out to dinner, or especially a vacation.
    Whenever a couple wanted to get away to spend time with other adults everything was contingent on whether they could get a sitter.
    In other instances there were problems concerning schoolwork, bullies, and the occasional missteps we all made to our parents' shock and dismay during our youth. For some reasons these parents never believed their children would do some of the same things they did when they were teens. The average person loses their virginity at 17.
    Even some of those in their "golden years" have ended up being the guardian/primary parents of their grandchildren for various reasons.
    Some folks early on warned me that not having children would increase my odds of being placed in a nursing home whenever I became to old care for myself. The jury is still out on that one. However having visited in people in nursing homes it appears to me the vast majority of residents had children!
    I know people who cherished being parents and grandparents and yet there is not a single one that I would have traded (my) life experiences with. Each of us has to know what is "right" for us!

    1. gmwilliams profile image84
      gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      AMEN to THAT!

  5. dumbeth profile image59
    dumbethposted 8 years ago

    I have two lovely kids and they are my life and I  don't think my life will be complete without them, but I have seen some married couples who just don't want children because they believe its for the best and are quite happy just having each other. So it depends on whether you are really prepared and ready for kids, if you are not, then don't have them but if you are and you love children, then go for it because they are lovely to have around.

  6. lisavollrath profile image93
    lisavollrathposted 8 years ago

    Nope. The best thing I could have done for my children was not to have them, and I feel good about that choice. I've never been in the position, financially and in terms of my support system, to consider having kids.

    1. gmwilliams profile image84
      gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Smart and thoughtful answer indeed.

  7. Say Yes To Life profile image79
    Say Yes To Lifeposted 8 years ago

    I don't regret it in the slightest.  Because of my horrific background, I don't believe in bringing lives into this cruel world.  It turns out it's a good thing I chose not to; I developed uterine fibroids at an early age, even though I've never been pregnant, so if I'd tried to have kids, it would have ruined my health.  It's too late for me now, and I'm GLAD!!!

  8. Aime F profile image71
    Aime Fposted 8 years ago

    If I hadn't accidentally gotten pregnant with my daughter I really believe that I never would have had children. It's hard to know, obviously, but I think I would have been happy with that life, too.

    Now that I have my daughter I see why people want kids. It's very cliche but also very true that the love you feel for your own child is unlike any other love you'll feel in your life. I'm thankful to have gotten to feel that - though at times it's terrifying as well, to love something with everything you have, and to fear not being always to protect them or keep them happy.

    Things would definitely be easier without a kid. Before I got pregnant I was traveling the world and had no plans of stopping. It's still in the back of my mind as something that I want to and can continue to do but it's not as easy as saying "I've got enough spare money this month to book a trip somewhere fun!" It requires a lot more planning, you need to consider the practicality of the location for kids, you need to pay for an extra plane ticket, etc.

    So I guess it depends on your lifestyle and how you see your life playing out over the years. I had always pictured myself sort of flying by the seat of my pants and not having to worry about anyone but myself, which is why I figured I'd be best suited to not have children. But maybe that would have changed as I got older. I think if you're nearing the end of your ideal child-rearing years and you still feel like your life is complete and happy without children, that it's a decision you can make confidently. But if you're starting to wonder if you'll regret not having children, well, maybe that's a sign you might want some!

  9. peachpurple profile image81
    peachpurpleposted 8 years ago

    if i am not married, I would choose to have kids by adoption. If married, no I don't want to have kids to see us parents quarrelling and going thru separation

  10. liesl5858 profile image83
    liesl5858posted 8 years ago

    My husband and I decided not to have children at first because we did not have a home and we were not financially stable when we got married but we did say, we might have children later when we can afford them. But although we can afford to have children now, we think we are too old to be looking after them and it is not fair on them so we decided against having them. As a woman, I really wanted to experience to be a mother but I have to be practical and think about the kids future as well if I had them. I don't regret not having children but sometimes I would have liked to have just one. Maybe I will adopt one child later.

    1. gmwilliams profile image84
      gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this


  11. cperuzzi profile image88
    cperuzziposted 8 years ago

    The answer to this question will vary from individual to individual.  Everyone is different.

    That being said, I'll give you the most honest answer I can.  While I am certainly at peace with our decision to not procreate, there are times I think about what might have been.  Is that regret?  Who can say?

    This is what I will say, though.  When I look at the difficulties that parents my age have had and continue to have there are times I certainly am grateful for not having children.  When I lost my job a few years back, I was also very grateful that I didn't have children that would go hungry and that I wouldn't be worried sick about them.  I'm also grateful that anything that happened to my car at a time when my child might have been sixteen or seventeen would be my fault.  I remember my own teenage years and how inadvertently stupid I was with the problems I had.  Would I have been able to help navigate my son or daughter any better in retrospect?

    I'm not sure.

    There are apparently great joys that can be said about having children.  My wife knows none of them and is not anxious to find out any of them.  Even to this day, she speaks of having children as a disease that happens to other people.  I, on the other hand, couldn't care less.

    The question comes with the vows you might take with the Catholic Church when they ask "Would you welcome children?"  Would I welcome them?  Sure, why not?  Would I plan to have them?  Probably not.

    What I'll also say is this.  I would say that having children is an incredible responsibility.  You need to raise a law abiding functional citizen to adulthood.  You should raise it in a loving household.  My wife does not like children... AT ALL.  Would I be able to raise a child in that atmosphere?  Could I feel right about myself about forcing my wife to have children when she doesn't want them?  It would be irresponsible for me, personally, to bring a child into such an environment - and I couldn't imagine the heartache I'd give to an individual that does not have a loving mother and an apathetic father.

    1. profile image0
      TheBizWhizposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      That is a fantastic answer!

  12. Kylyssa profile image90
    Kylyssaposted 8 years ago

    I don't regret it for a moment.

    I've tried to help many elderly homeless people, mostly women, reconnect with their adult children when they needed help. My efforts have met with wildly varying degrees of success. I failed more often than I succeeded and I learned a valuable lesson from it. People worry about whether or not their children will be healthy, whether they'll be smart or talented, whether they'll have a rough time in life, but they don't spend near enough time worrying whether or not their children will be selfish a-holes incapable of feeling love for anyone but themselves.

    I've also struggled a lot financially myself and I've seen what happens to the children of people who struggle financially. I know what doing without is like. I know what happens to children and teens on the street. I love any potential child I might have had to subject him or her to the things I've survived.

    I was married to a gay man who wanted me to have his children. If I had been able to and had had children with him, I have no idea what would have happened to them when our relationship fell apart. Also, the things that made me leave him would have been very unhealthy for children. Children don't thrive living with dominant, controlling people with no tolerance for imperfections or differences any more than adults do.

    Then my lupus hit full strength before I even reached age forty. I couldn't have been a good single parent after losing my job, my physical strength, and my health to illness.

    Over the years, I've taken young people into my home when their parents discarded them, mostly for being gay. I've written chapters for textbooks, read during children's story hours, painted little faces and made balloon animals, babysat while parents looked for work, mentored teens, and taught classes to children. I've enjoyed the company of the children of friends immensely, too.

    I do not regret not saddling any new human beings I'd be certain to love with my lousy genes, my financial problems, and my struggles with autism.

  13. gmwilliams profile image84
    gmwilliamsposted 8 years ago


    This is the second such question.  No people who elect to be childfree DON'T regret it in the least  This premise is just propagated by pronatalists who strongly aver that everyone should have children whether they want to or not.  Not everyone wants children or are parent material.  There are people who have children who shouldn't have had them in the first place.  Look at the varied types of abuse that children suffer because their parents reluctantly had them.

    Most people have children because of religious, parental, &/or societal pressure.  There was a survey done by Anne Landers about 4 decades ago, asking people if they had to do it over, would they have children.  The majority replied that they WOULDN'T have children if they had to do it over again.  People who are childfree are courageous enough not to succumb to the societal premise that everyone must have children.  They thought long & hard before making their decision not to have children & they're very happy w/the decision they made.

    There are people who have children who wish they NEVER had children.  Either their children disappointed them, caused their marriage to crumble, &/or other familial ills caused by having children.   Studies have relentlessly show that the less children in a household that less stress couples experienced in terms of emotional, financial, & even psychological stress.  Children can also drive couples apart because couples concentrate so much on the children that they completely forget each other & when the empty nest occurs, they have NOTHING in common anymore & DIVORCE.

  14. marchie profile image61
    marchieposted 8 years ago

    Yes. It feels good to look back on your life and remember that you have you have received the most beautiful gift from God. And that is to have kids, to have your own happy family. ^_^

    1. profile image52
      Alice Adhiamboposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      children are a gift from God but in case you do not have out of your own violation then you can regret in old age

  15. profile image0
    Snakesmumposted 8 years ago

    As someone who never really wanted children, and was married to a man who couldn't have any, it's something I haven't thought about much.   There have been times, though, when I've had feelings of regret.   The time I felt regret the most was an occasion at work, when others with me were discussing their grandchildren, and I thought, "I'm never going to have any of those!"   Mostly, though, I am glad I didn't bring children into this world to go through a divorce, and to live in the current stressful times.

  16. SM OBrien profile image71
    SM OBrienposted 8 years ago

    I knew long ago that I never wanted children. My Mom said that as a child I had no interest in even playing with baby dolls. My nurturing is focused mostly on animals as I have had an affinity for them practically since birth. I have no regrets at all about my choice. I have taken in many animals and given them a good, loving home. I am active in my community and give back when and how I can. Not once have I felt that I am missing out on anything - quite the opposite. A woman need not produce a physical, human child to be whole or fulfilled. Each day I am thankful that my Mom was supportive of my choice and never pressured me. There have been rude people who felt that it is acceptable to lecture me on my personal decisions and try to convince me to change. It is best to ignore them. If they don't take the hint, I find no problem in asking an equally invasive question. That usually stops them and hopefully makes them think. I am happy with the path that I have journeyed along. While I would perhaps do certain things differently, my decision to be childfree is not one of them. I would always remain just as firm there.

  17. Darrell Roberts profile image72
    Darrell Robertsposted 8 years ago

    I have chosen not to have children and I have no regrets.  I find the world to be too chaotic for my preference.  There are enough children that could use a hand so I sponsor a child. 

    I wish I could sponsor more children.  I think that humanity has made life so unnecessarily difficult that I just do not have the desire to raise a child in this world. 

    I am not a pessimist, but I see things as they are and right now at this point in human evolution I think that what should be valued is not being valued by the leaders or the general masses of people. 

    To put it very simply, I know what I would want society to be like and I do not see the model society I desire on this planet, so I do not want any children.  No regrets. I will just continue to help the children that are here as well as anyone else. 

    Best wishes.

  18. Mihnea Andreescu profile image68
    Mihnea Andreescuposted 8 years ago

    It all depends on life conjunctures.While I would say that if someone deliberately chooses not to have children,he/she will not regret it in the future,there might be,perhaps situations in which regret may occur:especially during old age when people intend to be more needy and dependent to others.

  19. profile image52
    Alice Adhiamboposted 7 years ago

    i think that it is important to have children but if you choose otherwise then i think at some point in life you can regret it either out of loneliness or old age,It comes when you are sick and there is no one to look after you or visit you in hospital.At Christmas times when families come together and when you are excited about something and you need to share with your family


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