I Want Us to Be Friends?
Exactly what goes on in a guy's mind when he poses such a statement to a lady? What kind of answer does he expect?
I'm not a guy, so I can't say exactly what goes on in his mind, but I have heard that line in the past. Typically, when a guy said he wanted to be friends it was his way of protecting his self value. I think the guy expects the lady to want more than friendship. But, in proposing friendship the guy avoids being hurt for caring more for the lady than the lady cares for him. No one wants to be rejected, so I don't blame a guy when he fishes around to determine the interest level of the lady versus stepping right up and into it only to have her turn him down. That's not fun at all. Plus, if the lady changes her mind in the future, she would then need to pursue the guy and, let's face it, that's a much better position to be in (for the guy).
Guys often say what they want to say or don't say anything at all. I think that most men would appreciate a reply that said, 'I'd really like that'.
When anyone tells another person "I want us to be friends.", What they are really saying is (You are NOT "the one"). In other words don't expect me to become emotionally invested in you. I intend to pursue other relationship opportunities. However I do like you and enjoy spending time with you.
Basically it's warning or "stop sign" telling her not to get her hopes up or become attached to him. Naturally if they become "friends with benefits" and she discovers he is also sleeping with other women he can then (remind her) of what he told her.
As for the answer he (expects), I don't think there is anything special he wants to hear beyond "I understand where you are coming from." The ball is in her court as to whether or not she wants to continue to spend time with him. At least she is "informed" from his point of view of how far their relationship will go.
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