What should a wife do if her otherwise good husband is consistently unable to sa

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  1. Susan Ng profile image81
    Susan Ngposted 11 years ago

    What should a wife do if her otherwise good husband is consistently unable to satisfy her sexually?

  2. moiponetsoka profile image63
    moiponetsokaposted 11 years ago

    well talk to your spouse and address the problem at hand together and come with a solution. I know it can be fustrating but if you really love your husband you will sort it out together because if the does not tell him he will think that everything is perfect while the wife is hurting and sexually deprieved. Communication is the key.

  3. Susan Ng profile image81
    Susan Ngposted 11 years ago

    Couldn't find a way to add a description to the question after posting it so I'm adding it here:

    Assuming that the wife has already tactfully communicated the problem to the husband and they've already tried to implement ways to fix it, but the problem persists although it's not any of the partners' fault. Both of them just seem to have incompatible sexual biorhythms for some reason.

    1. watergeek profile image94
      watergeekposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      That happened with my friend. She stayed with him for years, knowing she would divorce him if it didn't change. He claimed problems with incest, but didn't try to get over it. She eventually fell in love with someone else and left him.

  4. profile image0
    Emily Sparksposted 11 years ago

    What can she do if they have talked and tried to fix the problem? She commited to this man "for better or for worse, till death do us part". 
    ElSeductor, you are joking right?  What a shameful thing for you to suggest, her deceiving her husband and cheating on him!  Have people no shame today? What happened to faithfulness in marriages today?

  5. Hestia DeVoto profile image60
    Hestia DeVotoposted 11 years ago

    This is a situation where seeing a couples therapist who specializes in sexuality is called for.  If the couple is happy in all other aspects of their relationship, it's completely worth getting professional help.

  6. dashingscorpio profile image83
    dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

    My first thought is to ask if they ever had sex prior to getting married? Has he been able to satisfy her in the past? Did she feel sexually compatible at anytime? Or Did she downplay the significance of sexual compatibility when (she chose him to be her husband)? If at some point he was able to satisfy her my guess is the problem is a mental one. There is something happening (outside of the bedroom) that is keeping her from allowing her to shut her mind off during sex and allowing her body to go with the flow of pleasure that comes with being touched, kissed, licked, fondled or whatever. It's been said that sex is 75-80% mental.

    The next question I'd ask, "Is she capable of reaching an orgasm on her own?" If she can't do it for herself then the old saying applies, "You can't teach what you don't know" If that is the case I would I suggest she explore her own body until she unlocks the secret of what takes her to the top of mountain. As a couple they might want to check the works of Dr. Laura Berman,sex expert. http://www.drlauraberman.com/homepage

    Last but not least she has to decide whether or not if having bad sex a "deal breaker"? If it is then she should get out of the marriage. This will allow both of them to find other partners who are (naturally in tune) with them. Divorce beats cheating any day of the week!
    If she is able to satisfy herself or at least bring herself to the edge maybe she can teach him how to put her over the top. One thing she has going in her favor is having a man who is willing to do whatever possible to please her. Awhile back I wrote on this topic. http://dashingscorpio.hubpages.com/hub/ … ationships

  7. Unleashed Freedom profile image60
    Unleashed Freedomposted 11 years ago

    I am sure  that just about everything has been tried and many here have suggested some good stuff. here is another ( one hopes )
    kegel exercises. > http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kegel_exercise

    and perhaps this too ( taoist sexual practices )

    > http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taoist_sexual_practices

  8. onegoodwoman profile image69
    onegoodwomanposted 11 years ago

    Ask herself this:

    Is "sex" with someone else, more important to me, than all of the collective, protective, things that my spouse brings to our marriage"?..........Would, I trade every single that WE have together, for sex?

    It , really, is just that simple.

    Sex, or your spouse............it really is.............YOU know the answer.

  9. irishpixiegurl13 profile image60
    irishpixiegurl13posted 11 years ago

    Spice things up in the bedroom. Try a new position. If all else fails get yourself warmed up before you meet up with him. Or you can try texting him dirty thoughts all day and by the time he sees you, you wont have a chance to be anything but satisfied smile good luck hun.

  10. jbosh1972 profile image93
    jbosh1972posted 11 years ago

    @ El seductor & Nightwork--An affair is a stupid suggestion.  That would just put additional strain on the relationship.  Encouraging your spouse to have casual sex with strangers is just ridiculous.  With STD's  and what not it is like your encouraging your spouse to play Russian roulette.  I hope you don't have kids because that is a horrible example to set.

    1. watergeek profile image94
      watergeekposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I disagree. I've read of marriages where agreements were made that both spouses support and it strengthened the relationship - which became more about love, less about sex (e.g. some don't want an affair flaunted, some want to help choose partners).

  11. DeanCash profile image60
    DeanCashposted 11 years ago

    You said that both of them just seem to have incompatible sexual biorhythms for some reason. You know what, sex is not something taught in school like that in a gym. It start with your mind, you both need to savor it and enjoy it. Never RUSH anything here. It is not communication, it is connection problem.

    Go back first to were both of you started, like going out together. The biorhythms needs to sync with both of you. When you do foreplay enjoy it as long as you like, he needs to learn those too. There are training videos available in the net.

    Let me guess he needs to learn stamina.

  12. anusujith profile image69
    anusujithposted 11 years ago

    I don't know why you ask this question. I think this dissatisfaction may be due to communication gap between husband and wife.Mental attachment is the basement for all relations,even it is a physical.

  13. networmed profile image59
    networmedposted 11 years ago

    If both of you can't talk about it intimately, better approach a  professional that can help you with that.

    I think it's more of a communication issue. However, if the reason is related to something about health, I think there should be more to do than just communicating.

    Approach a professional that can help with that matter.

  14. krillco profile image86
    krillcoposted 11 years ago

    In every relationship, there is a high and lower desire partner. These are relative positions. The partner with higher desire cannot MAKE the lower desire partner into a high desire partner, at least not in the way most couples try to do this ('compromise', 'bargain', 'reason', 'trade', etc.) The real way around is to accept each partner's relative desire, and then the high desire partner needs to learn to be less reactive and more responsive to the lower desire partner (and vice versa). In this way, the couple will find that they are not as far apart as they may first think. When the high desire partner pushes (even not pushing is pushing) for sex, the lower desire partner just back-pedals and things get worse.

    Only when you can both be calm (really calm, not faking it) and can take up the issue will there be any real compromise or improvement in your sex life. There is SOOOOO much more on this subject, I suggest you get and read this book: 'Intimacy and Desire' by David Schnarch. It's awesome.

  15. cperuzzi profile image89
    cperuzziposted 11 years ago


    She did not come with a freaking a manual.  If he's her husband, she should tell him what she'd like.  It should not be a guessing game.

    If she has an affair and didn't tell her husband what he could have done better, it's her fault.

    Sorry, I hear crap like this all the time and it suggests poor communication and an excuse for stupid behavior.  She should just tell him what she likes.

    1. krisingreen profile image59
      krisingreenposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I totally agree.
      My husband is one of those guys who just "gets in and gets out" and I hated that attitude towards sex for a long time. But I also realized that it was partly my fault cause I did not tell him what I want.

  16. tammybarnette profile image60
    tammybarnetteposted 11 years ago

    I'm thinking fantasize. Sometimes relationships get stale and just playing a little reel in your head may get you there.

  17. Diane Woodson profile image60
    Diane Woodsonposted 11 years ago

    Don't do what so many do now days, find a person to have an affair with. I think she should be patient with him. Men have a desire for their wife no matter how they behave sometimes. He could be having a physcial sexual problem and that could have an easy solution of medications. There are so many great great medications out there now that you guys could be suffering needlessly. Fix yourself up and I figure this problem won't last long!!

  18. Ask Ashley profile image69
    Ask Ashleyposted 11 years ago

    If a husband constantly hears he is not preforming well, what do you think that does to his ego? Regardless if it was "tactfully communicated" or not, this is a huge blow to someone's ego and it's no surprise to me that he is falling short in the bedroom (at least to the wife's expectations) since I assure you, he likely has it on his mind now every time you two become intimate...and the same goes for you (the wife). I bet it's on your mind as well. So how can either of you enjoy each other if you are obsessing with not being satisfied? I agree with other responses that therapy is likely needed at this point since the problem is likely more mental now (stress of not preforming and/or enjoying it).

  19. profile image51
    Southerncali girlposted 9 years ago

    see a sex therapist, open the doors to exploring each other completely, show him what you need, if after you have both put forth effort and still a no....move on, open marriage, dont have an affair.

  20. Kiki Estime profile image42
    Kiki Estimeposted 7 years ago

    The wife should talk to the husband about the problem. If that does not help, the husband need to see a sex coach to show him some tips to satisfy his wife sexually. Make sex fun and excited.


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