Does bad sex in a relationship mean total incompatibility?

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  1. Mary Harry profile image65
    Mary Harryposted 2 years ago

    I’ve heard a few stories from my friends who were absolutely thrilled about their partners until they had a sexual encounter. They were so confused about whether it made sense to continue persuing a relationship with this person or to consider bad sex a deal breaker for the relationship on a whole. Is the latter mindset being shallow? Or does bad sex hint to a deeper incompatibility between you and your partner?

    1. Cynthia Hoover profile image90
      Cynthia Hooverposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Interesting question, this has my gears spinning. Bad sex could be remedied if they are open with their partner. Discussing what is pleasurable and what you would rather skip or omit would be the best place to start.

      So why would that be a deal breaker? Perhaps the partner does not have the same level of experience. Or maybe each are equally bad in bed. So perhaps a little shallow, only if they do nothing to address it.  Maybe the person they had the encounter with only had 1-2 sexual encounters before. So they haven't got a mojo worked out for pleasuring a partner.

      Communication I think would be the deal breaker for me. If someone was not satisfied with as sexual encounter then be open and honest. Either discuss the issues or openly tell them you no longer wish to see them. But I cannot see tiptoeing around the issue and not addressing it as a solution. While being intimate plays a large roll in our relationships, there is so much more than just sex too.

      I would rather have a partner who supported me and was there for me than someone who was next level amazing in bed. I mean maybe I a an odd duck there but I can give detailed directions if need be for what works for me in bed.

      Having one bad encounter in the sack does not mean that it points to other levels of incompatibility. Relationships are about a lot more than just sex, or at least they should be.

    2. Stevennix2001 profile image84
      Stevennix2001posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I think the other two people who commented on this thread summed it perfectly if you ask me.  There is more to a relationship than just sex, but it can play a huge role in intimacy between two partners.   As the other two said, communication about it is key.  Another thing that they could try is if having sex the same way gets boring over time, they could try to be more open to new ideas.  Maybe try positions they never thought of before, or try to new kinks together, so sex won't feel so mundane over time between them.   

      But overall, they just need to talk it out with their partners about it.  As Einstein said, doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting different results, is the definition of insanity.

    3. Cristale profile image84
      Cristaleposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Just as dating entails getting to know a person, sex entails getting to know a person's body. It is almost always awkward in the beginning because you are getting to know a person in the most intimate way. The more often it happens, the better it will get because you will get to know each other's body as well as sexual likes and dislikes. Just because it may have a bad start, it can get better and better over time.

    4. dashingscorpio profile image86
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Generally speaking the best sex occurs during the "infatuation phase" of a (new relationship). Couples are usually intensely passionate and spontaneous with one another as they attempt to {one up each other} in their attempts to please and surprise one another. Sex is off the charts!

      More often than not if you check back with that same couple a few years later you'll find out their sex life did NOT improve with time.
      Oftentimes couples settle into a rut having sex using the same "go to" moves at the same time of day/night and in the same room.

      Therefore if you started out having "great sex" you may end up having "good sex" over the years and if you started out having "good sex" you may end up having "fair sex" and if you  started off having "fair sex"  you might end up having "bad sex" or even end up sexless.

      This explains why there so many books out there regarding "how to keep the magic alive" in long-term relationships and marriages.
      If sex got better with time there would be no need for these books!

      If you started off having "bad sex" most likely someone will end up cheating on the other person (if they decide to stay) if things don't improve with time and effort.
      Two people could do the exact same thing to you and your body responds differently.
      You can't manufacture chemistry. It's either there or it's not.
      At some point a frustrated person is going to take some type of action.

      One of the reasons why some people hold out on having sex is because they believe if the other person is "emotionally invested" they won't instantly walk out on them if they're sexually incompatible,
      They'll feel "obligated" to put in the effort to improve things.
      Some women have initially faked orgasms in the beginning.
      However faking orgasms just prolongs having bad sex.

      Ultimately everyone is entitled to have their own "must haves list" and "deal breakers" when it comes to dating and relationships.
      We don't get to tell someone what is most important for (them).
      One person's "shallowness" is another person's "preference".

      Life is a (personal) journey.
      Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.
      The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on. The choice is up to us.
      Most people don't (change) unless (they) are unhappy.
      No one is "stuck" with anyone! Suffering is optional.

      The goal is to find a "soulmate" not a cellmate.


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