Does someone need to be the "boss" in a relationship?

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   MissJamieDposted 12 years ago

   From experience I know how frustrating it is that my husband is the boss of our family and makes 95% of the choices we face....but I'm also thankful because I have enough to deal with as a SAHM and it's kind of a mental break for me...what do you think? Does there need to be a dictator or is there really such thing as a 50/50 relationship?

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      couturepopcafeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I'm kind of leaning towards whatever works for the family/relationship as long as everyone is truly happy.  Many women find comfort in allowing their husbands to make major decisions, others know how to subtley guide him to what she wants.  Allowing a wife to give input and taking it seriously into consideration is part of a good relationship.  Dictatorship is not.  Of course, children change the picture and parents should agree on how to handle that.  It should never be completely one-sided, IMO. 
      
      One should always allow herself to grow in a relationship, not be controlled.

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      logic,commonsenseposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Nothing is ever 50/50 in a relationship.  To have a successful relationship both parties must give and take a various times.  You just have to pick those times judiciously.

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      Daniella Lopezposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I believe one partner will always be the one more in charge. You always have to have a more dominate person in the relationship. However, they should not be a dictator. They should always consult with the more submissive partner before they make decisions.
      
      I don't think any relationship has a 50/50 standard. However, both partners need to give a little and take a little. So if you look at it from that perspective, I suppose you could say it's 50/50.

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   Pcunixposted 12 years ago

   I believe that one partner can be the Dali Booperator if they wish to be so, but I do not believe either partner should be the boss.
   
   You weren't hired by your spouse nor were they hired by you.    If you think your spouse makes better decisions than you do, then let them make the decisions, but your input always matters.   If you think YOU make better decisions than your spouse, you are probably wrong.
   
   Marriage is about partnership.  That's all anyone should need to know.

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3. 56

   MissJamieDposted 12 years ago

   Thank you guys for answering and I agree with you 100%! My personal relationship is a but one-sided but I've chosen to put up with it so here I am. But you both answered this question the way I would hope most people would. Thank you for being honest and sharing your opinions;)

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4. 56

   MissJamieDposted 12 years ago

   I mean a bit one-sided, not a but one-sided...where's the stinkin edit button...lol

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   Disturbiaposted 12 years ago

   Does someone need to be the "boss" in a relationship?
   
   Yes... ME!

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      logic,commonsenseposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      There is one room I'd let you be boss in!

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         Disturbiaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         

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      habeeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      LOL!!
      
      I love my husband dearly - he's a wonderful man. But he's terrible about making decisions about money and just about everything else. He also hates dealing with people on the phone. He refuses to do these things, so they're left up to me. When it comes to decisions about home improvements, autos, and stuff like that, I'm clueless, so he makes those decisions. It works out well for us as a partnership.

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   litsabdposted 12 years ago

   In a life time relationship there should/t be any boss issues. For something to move on it needs two. For a flower to bloom , both sun and water are needed. All ego centric relationships, i humbly believe are  to be ended one way or the othe as one of the two feels chocking.

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   Captain Redbeardposted 12 years ago

   I am a stay at home dad, my wife is pursuing her career goals and I am still the leader of the home. I would never say that I am the boss though. My wife and I discuss everything in the home and make a choice based on both our input. Only once have I put my foot down and made it a clear cut point that something was the way it was and there was nothing going to happen to change it. She respected that and I respected her for it. I think all homes need a leader. A house divided cannot stand. My wife and I both believe that the man is the head of the home.

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   oldandwiseposted 12 years ago

   I believe all major decisions should be communicated and a mutual decision made. Both spouses should work together and meet on common ground. If not, one could find themself in a, "I told you so" situation. Working as a team, to me, is just a better plan with a better outcome.

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   icountthetimesposted 12 years ago

   I think it depends on the individual relationship. What works for one couple might not work for another. There is no magic formula.

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10. 64

    jeyaramdposted 12 years ago

    In relationships we often try to have dominance over areas that we consider to be our turf. Its a way in which we ensure that we keep our personal space to ourselves when it comes to our interests. For instance, one spouse may enjoy hosting during a gathering, while her partner may enjoy relaxing with a few drinks.
    
    We sometimes naturally find ourselves taking on situations that play on our strengths. It does not necessarily mean that one is dominant over the other. It means that we are being effective in how we use our time and our strengths.
    
    It becomes problematic however, when we are adamant that our partner stay away from our turf. We should be considerate enough to let others also learn the ropes. We may be the expert, but there is no reason why another should not also take a turn trying it out.
    
    Its a marriage for crying out loud. As such, we shouldn't be so fast to set clear boundaries and lines that cannot ever intercept. We have to be realistic. For instance, if I am an electrician; I wouldn't want my spouse  handling the wiring of our basement without my presence. This is a boundary based on safety and its justified. However, we should never keep others out with demeaning remarks such as "this is too hard for you. You are going to mess it up." This is where the problem begins and we become manipulative controllers who are overcome by our dominance.

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11. 82

    wonderful1posted 12 years ago

    A marriage should be a partnership where each gives their 100% to the relationship, compromise in decisions, and have compassion and listen to each other. It sounds like in this case, the husband is using his earning power to get an unfair advantage in "controlling" the marriage. That will lead to resentment or possibly a complete breakdown of your self-worth. I've walked those moccasins, and believe me, it's a dangerous place to be. When you lose your confidence in yourself because of the low self esteem that a SAHM will face, it's easy to become fearful of leaving a codependent relationship. (One of my hubs, about "fairytale lives", covers this specifically.) In my life experience, I've made it my mission to help other women who might be in my shoes.
    
    Marriage should be equal opportunity choice-making. Equally important voices about where money is spent. Equal amount of care and each is part of the whole to follow a common path. If one person tips the scales, everything becomes off balance. If you become to afraid to speak your mind and pursue what makes YOU happy, then there is a major problem. I sure hope that doesn't happen.

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    capricornrisingposted 12 years ago

    Interestingly, the dilemma my husband and I have both faced is that we're both strong-willed, opinionated people, and we didn't live with each other truly, until after we were married. When we were finally able to move in together, we discovered there were things about each other we didn't know, until we were confronted with having to share an abode 24 hours a day.
    
    We had to sit down and communicate, clearly and with absolute candor, what we needed from each other to make things work, and the biggest thing was the need to let go of control, when it wasn't that important to exert it.
    
    We were both used to having control, particularly in times of stress. Letting go was ten times easier than I thought it would be, and I think he feels the same. This has made all the difference in the world, and has made for us a perfect partnership. Now, we approach everything as a team, rather than opponents on different sides. I feel trusted and listened to, and I believe he does too.

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