You read ur partners texts & found out he/she is cheating. Do you have the moral

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   Lady_Eposted 13 years ago

   You read ur partners texts & found out he/she is cheating. Do you have the moral ground to confront?
   
   .... remember, you shouldn't be checking his/her text messages in the first instance. So, what do you do?
   
   

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   billybucposted 13 years ago

   There is a bit of difference in morality between cheating on one's marriage vows and reading a spouse's text messages or emails.  Of course you have moral ground to confront them and why in the world wouldn't you?

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   msorenssonposted 13 years ago

   I assumed that you went to his cell without permission, hence the question. I do not know how to answer.since we will go into ethics and morality and all those issues..

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      Lady_Eposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      No. It's a relationship topic I heard being discussed on Radio. I wouldn't do such a thing. :-)

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      msorenssonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      When I was married, I never opened any mail addressed to my husband, unless he specifically asked me to do so. This is the reason for the non committed answer. I am glad you clarified it, Lady_E. Thank you.

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   junksellerposted 13 years ago

   Intruding into their privacy in such a way is also a violation of trust. Is it better or worse will probably vary by person, but I suspect most people would find the cheating the 'worse' of the two wrongs.
   
   Regardless, I don't see where you would have a much better moral ground from which to confront them. However, having the moral ground doesn't necessarily matter. If their cheating is a breach which the relationship can not survive, than it must be confronted and the additional breach you add by wrongfully surveying their texts doesn't really matter.
   
   On the other hand, if the cheating is survivable, then you have to consider whether your breach of their privacy is also something the relationship can survive. For some, that intrusion, would make a relationship unworkable.
   
   I think what you are asking is if their wrong makes your wrong right, to which, I would say no, it doesn't.

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      libby1970posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I'm sorry but I don't understand how people think married people should have all this privacy! Why would you need privacy from your spouse? I've never hidden anything, nor would I and I expect the same! When two people marry they decide to become one

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   teyeger82posted 13 years ago

   You must confront!!! If you don't, you just end up internalizing your anger and then reading things into your partner's words or actions that might be entirely innocent. No to mention that if you don't say anything they just keep on thinking they are pulling the wool over your eyes!

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   Jynzlyposted 13 years ago

   This hub is my answer to the question posted by Lady_E. read more

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      Lady_Eposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks. I will pop by to read it.

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   Jynzlyposted 13 years ago

   My answer is a hub entitled "A question of morality".

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      Lady_Eposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks so much for taking time to write a Hub about it. I enjoyed reading it.

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   dashingscorpioposted 13 years ago

   As they say on the TV show "Cheaters" (Excerise your right to be informed). In a world filled with various STDs, fatal attractions, and psychos it is always risky when someone you trust puts you at risk by bringing a third party into your lives.
   However I would say if something doesn't feel right to you then it's probably not right for you. Most likely if one suspects their mate is cheating it is usually because their mate's behavior has changed. If it turned out that he or she were NOT cheating but the behavior you disliked remained odds are you would not jump up and down with joy. For some people finding out their mate is cheating gives them permission to leave an unhappy relationship. From my point of view, if you don't trust someone it's time to let them go. Nonetheless it's human nature to want to expose liars and cheaters. A cheater probably thinks, "If you trusted me you wouldn't have busted me."

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   Lady_Eposted 13 years ago

   May I add - this didn't happen to me. It was a topic discussed on radio about relationships. Someone phoned in and asked for advice. I found it very interesting...

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    duffsmomposted 13 years ago

    Well yes of course it was wrong to invade his privacy.  But now you know about the cheating and you can't unring that bell. I would say - hey I did something really wrong and looked at your cell phone. 
    
    Having said that.  He has little room to try and take the moral high road when he is in fact betraying you.  You could just leave and not say anything if you are sure he is cheating.
    
    When all is said and done if he is cheating - move on.

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    nightwork4posted 13 years ago

    why shouldn't you be checking their texts? my wife and i don't keep secrets, at least not that i know of and i don't care in the least if she checked my phone. if i was cheating or she was and it was found in a text, moral ground wouldn't matter in the least.

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       libby1970posted 13 years agoin reply to this

       I agree! I see all these people talking about invasion of privacy in here, what privacy? You are married...becoming one means you don't hide things or need privacy! You are one...you share! Privacy in a marriage is for people who want to cheat

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    Chris Hughposted 13 years ago

    Yes, you have the moral ground to confront. And they have the moral ground to whine about your not respecting their privacy.

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    Conservative Ladyposted 13 years ago

    No need to even bother in my opinion - if you are certain that he is cheating - just pack up and move on - why confront.

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    libby1970posted 13 years ago

    Absolutely. You entered into an agreement when you married that both will remain faithful! He has some explaining to do and he would owe that! I would be asking some very serious questions and he would answer them. I've been through that and let me tell you it's not fun!
    
    I was sitting on the couch next to my husbad and we were "blue toothing" music back and forth and he gets a text... well he never gets texts. I'm the only one that ever has text him. So I say what was that...not thinking anything and he gets all defensive and pulling away. So I grab his phone, which he didn't fight it and I see something that tore my world apart! A text said, come back over here and tell her you have to go back to walmart," there was more but it wouldn't be appropriate in here! I was fuming!
    
    First you think you'll do this or that in a situation like that... but you will never do what you think. Emotions take over, you get angry, sad, upset, hurt, and you don't know what to do! Your emotions get the best of you!
    
    A lot of things transpired for me at that time! That part of my life opened my eyes and made me realize a lot of things! Nobody knows what they'll do in that situation until you are sitting in that seat! It's tough! After ten years with someone it's not so easy to walk away... you can... or you can forgive! It's what you can live with!

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