If you suspect that your partner/loved one is cheating, what should you do?

Jump to Last Post 1-12 of 12 discussions (13 posts)
  1. alexandriaruthk profile image67
    alexandriaruthkposted 11 years ago

    If you suspect that your partner/loved one is cheating, what should you do?

    Do you need to confront them immediately??

  2. jennshealthstore profile image78
    jennshealthstoreposted 11 years ago

    I think that you should confront them right away. If you are not 100% sure then I would have a nice conversation about how you are feeling before jumping to conclusions. Because if they are really not cheating and you just go accusing them, it will make it much worse and it might cause more problems and arguments. Honesty and communication is key in a relationship and without it the relationship will not last.

  3. sancomic1960 profile image61
    sancomic1960posted 11 years ago

    yes I would confront them immediately and get it over with so I can move on

  4. Paul Kuehn profile image93
    Paul Kuehnposted 11 years ago

    I would definitely confront my partner immediately.  If you don't this, a person might think that you don't care and condone this action.  Upon confronting my partner, I would ask whether my suspicions are true and explain why I have the suspicions.  The  worst thing to do is to pretend that nothing is happening.  If my partner admits to cheating, I would ask why the cheating is going on and whether it will be stopped.  If there are no assurances that the cheating will stop, I would immediately take steps to end the relationship.

  5. abbykorinnelee profile image51
    abbykorinneleeposted 11 years ago

    I think that it is first important to think about why you feel that he is cheating, confronting him right away is never a good idea (trust me from experience).  You have know evidence or proof, just some suscpicion.  Its hard I know, to not say anything, but the first thing they do is get defensive and you are looking at a hostile situation that you have nothing to back up your claim.  I would just be "aware" and start to pay attention.

    This is what I did and I am not saying at all its the right thing to do, just that it worked for me.

    I started checking the cell phone bill.  I looked for an abnrmal amount of calls or text messages t one number.  I did find it and he was actually calling and texting it more than me, so I called it and blocked my number.  I got a female and asked for my spouse by name just asking if he was there.  She laughed and said no, he will be later, he is with his (not so nice name) wife.  I asked who I was speaking with and if I could leave a message.  She told me her name, I knew who she was and I said nevermind and hung up.  I than called and got the actual texts sent from our provider.  I than told a mutual best friend of ours who was more mine than his, a fellow military servicemember...seeing as we were all tecnically once in the Marines, he had my back too even if it was a short time I was in..like boot camp is it...lol.  He confirmed the affairs...I then called my husband at work, asked him to come home and confronted him.  He denied everything.

    I stayed because it was all circumstantial really, we moved and years went by and I found pictures of him kissing her in an old box in our garage when he was deployed to Iraq so I sent them in his next care package sitting on the top so when he opened it that is what he saw.  I already had full access to his email because he was trying to prove that he was faithful and I hadn't ever checked it so I did and he is a dummy and didn't delete the trash, just the sent and there were recent emails between the two and it wasn't very much in his favor.  He admitted they were inappropriate and than he emailed her saying they can't talk anymore and blocked her.  I checked and I called her command and asked her supervisor to ask her to leave us alone.  He did.

    I left him after that but he never did admit to that one.  Another time I wasn't so nice and confronted him with a captain morgan bottle aimed at his head and told him to start talking and he admitted to six affairs and one my bff

    1. dashingscorpio profile image80
      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      "I think that it is first important to think about why you feel that he is cheating..." Excellent point! In the end it comes down to (Do you trust your instincts or do you trust them?) Very few people admit to cheating.

  6. Nyamache profile image61
    Nyamacheposted 11 years ago

    First I will gather enough evidence then proof to her that she is cheating on you. Confronting your partner just because you suspect that he/she is cheating on you without any proof may end up creating mistrust especially if your suspicion is wrong. When your partner asks you, "What makes you think that I am cheating on you?" you should be able to answer him/her by substantiating your answer.

  7. Neil Sperling profile image58
    Neil Sperlingposted 11 years ago

    There is no right or wrong answer here... every relationship has it's own point of view. For those in open relationships an affair is no big deal... and believe it or not there are some very happy couples who love each other dearly in open relationships. Look in the mirror first -- not with blame and self gult, but with love and understanding for self. to FLY in life one must F.L.Y. 
    F irst
    L ove
    Y ourself

    Once that is done you can, "knowing yourself", make the proper move for YOU.

    My 3 cents! LOL

  8. DDE profile image44
    DDEposted 11 years ago

    I will immediately confront my partner, and get it all out. Cheating has to be talked about  ignoring it will make it go on and one will become unhappy in the long term relationship, and definitely I won't stay with a  cheater.

  9. stricktlydating profile image84
    stricktlydatingposted 11 years ago

    I would trust your instincts and approach your loved one about it.  It may be something you can clear up quickly (For example he might have been texting a girl from work but it could just be becuase she's helping him organise their christmas party etc).  Pay attention to how your partner reacts to your feeling that you are being cheated on.  If he/she is not than you should get reasurrance and they should explain what has been happening.  It might be a worry if they are initially defensive. But go with your own instincts and you should not need to wait until you possibly have, or go searching for concrete evidence to prove you're suspicians are right.

  10. dashingscorpio profile image80
    dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

    You first have to decide if cheating is a "deal breaker" for you. If you are not willing to end the relationship then confronting them is probably a waste of time. In fact if you don't trust someone then being with them is a waste of your time!
    The reason we usually suspect our mate is cheating is because we observe a change in their behavior which we do not like. If we found out they were NOT cheating and the behavior stayed the same then most likely we would not be jumping for joy. If you did find out your mate was cheating all you would have accomplished is getting an (explanation) to why things have changed.
    For some people being "unhappy" is not enough for them to end a relationship. They need their partner to cheat or abuse them in some way in order to give themselves (permission) to end things. Another reason why we want to "bust" someone for cheating is we need to satisfy our ego. This is especially true if our mate has been belittling us by calling us "insecure", "paranoid", or accusing us of having "trust issues." It makes us want to (prove) we're not insane! We also want to show them we aren't stupid.
    However I would say if you are unhappy in your relationship and you don't trust your mate that is enough of a reason to end things. Sure you could go a mission to prove things but what is the point? I tend to say: "If something doesn't (feel) right to you then it's probably not right for you." Know yourself, Love yourself, and Trust yourself. Unless you really are insecure by nature you should not doubt your instincts. Move on and skip the drama. Find someone who (is) trustworthy. Honesty and Trust are the foundation for any relationship.

  11. Barine Sambaris profile image65
    Barine Sambarisposted 11 years ago

    F. First confront him/her so you don't harbour useless suspicions. Even if he/her lies about it, at least you asked, though very few people would admit to an affair and it might be that they feel justified to cheat.

  12. profile image0
    matama ellieposted 11 years ago

    The first thing is to get very hard evidence then confront the person.Most unfaithful people are also very good liars who may make your doubt your won sanity so you need to be ready.

    It is also my observation that a person who cheats once and only admits it under duress will cheat on you again and again.

    My opinion, is to find hard evidence, confront, try and understand why it happened and leave(or kick him or her out).

    Life is too short to stay miserable with someone who does not respect you and value you.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)