If you suspected your spouse was having an affair, how would you handle it?
That's one of those questions that I think depends on what it was that made me suspect an affair, how many things made me suspect it, whether they seemed like solid evidence or just jumping to "not-quite-conclusions" on my part, and a number of other factors.
If I knew for a fact there was an affair then that would end the marriage - plain and simple. There are just to many "it-depends" kinds of elements to the question of how I'd handle only suspecting an affair.
In my twenties I would have thought there was something wrong with me and left him.
In my thirties I would have thought there was something wrong with him and left him.
In my forties I would try to understand the circumstances (one time? was he out looking?) and tried to work through it.
In my fifties, if he can find someone to have an affair with, good for him. I know he loves me and won't stay gone long. And if I never find out, he gets extra points.
I thought he was.So I traveled 500 miles and surprised him. O, my. That was the end of our marriage. I just did not want to have to ever wonder again. Obviously a whole lot more was involved than what is stated here but that does not need to be shared. I do not make myself look better by making someone else look worse. And, it takes two to make or break a relationship. Enough said.
I would certainly do some checking before I acted. If I could find proof, I would sit him down and say - where should I send your things. I couldn't abide it. Not only is it a betrayal, it can be physically dangerous is he is still sleeping with the wife at the same time - he could bring something no one wants to the party so-to-speak. Nope can't do it.
It is reported that 60% of men and 40% of women will have an extra marital affair, sometime during their marriage. Currently 52% of marriages end in divorce. Obviously, something is wrong with marriages and relationships. If I suspected an affair, I would first confront her with my suspicions. There are many senarios following that discussion. 1) She confesses and we must now examine the relationship to understand what precipitated such a chioce. If my part in the relationship contributed to her making such a drastic choice, then we have much to evaluate, changes we both must make and much about forgiveness we will learn about. If I was not complicit in her choosing such a course, we have nothing to talk about and she will have to go. 2) It is determined that my suspicions are unfounded and she is innocent. We have much to talk about. Were suspicions warranted? Are insecurities responsible? Is trust an issue. We have changes to make, and much about forgiveness we will learn about. 3) She is having an affair and does not confess, but lies instead. Eventually the truth will surface and you are confronted with be married to both a cheat and a liar. Not much to work with. Nothing to talk about and not much forgiveness can do to save the marriage. We are involved in disposable relationships and are inclined, too often, to end them without complete examination. If your part of the problem, then the next relationship may fall to the same devil. If a relationship is void of the glue necessary to hold it together, then it is vulnerable to attack from outside.
I am different I suppose, I don't think marriage protects relationship from attack. I think love protects relationship from attack. Most often, being vulnerable to affair indicates a problem easier blamed on the infidelity rather than fixing what created the infidelity. Sorry for so long a response. The ease in which we dispose of marriage is troubleling to me. I've been married for 43 years, happier now than ever, but, over that time, there were enough reasons to quit. We had much to talk about, changes to make and much to learn about forgiveness. If we didn't do it there, we would have had to in the next go round. Funny thing about running away, You, still end up with you, when you stop running. You simply left half the problem.
If I suspect that my spouse is having an affair first I would have to do some introspection so that I first decide what I suspect is true or it is just my imagination due to some abrupt changes in the behavior of my spouse.
If I am certain that she is in fact having an affair I don't think there is anything much I can do about it.
I would study and find out what was lacking in me that she felt the need to have an affair. Once this is figured out I will try to mend my ways. In due course of time the affair will die down by itself.
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