Is it better to shack in or live in first with your loved one before getting married?
One of the major concern about marriage today is that whether it will be successful or not, what with the high divorce rate. Is it then better to shack in or live in first to test the waters or compatibility before getting married?
Truth be told the number one reason for divorce is and has always been (selecting the wrong mate). Too many people get married without doing any serious introspective thinking to determine what it is they want and need in a mate for life. Very often they have not figured out who they are!
Once you know who you are and what you need then you have to honestly look at the person you are considering marrying. Do they (naturally agree) with you on the "important things" in life? Do you share the same values/goals for the marriage? People who naturally agree with each other most of the time tend to be happier and stay together.
There is no amount of "communication" or "work" that can overcome being with someone who does not want what you want!
According to statistics slightly over 51% of marriages taking place these days are between people that lived together. Awhile back I wrote a hub on this subject. http://dashingscorpio.hubpages.com/hub/ … ng-Married
A lot of divorces happen after people have lived together first then got married . If you are truly in love with them I would discuss all the big issues first - money- children- travel etc -get married - have the honeymoon and enjoy your life together .
Once you have lived together there is no point in having a big wedding - honeymoon etc
I think shack in doesn't really tell you much about a person because you only spend a part of your time together, which doesn't allow for a learning experience to really see how tolerable one are to each other. Living together gives you a wider perception of the relationship what makes each other tick and how to communicate and curb personal habits that you may not like of each other. Which also teaches you how to be responsibilities for each other whether it be financial, sexual, the quality of time spent with each other, these are some of the qualities that could either make or break a relationship.
For a successful relationship, both parties have to be on the same page at all times.
If you don't get a feel for how your prospective spouse acts in their spare time when you're not on dates with them and they're not entirely ready for you then how will you know what to expect during marriage?
Living together for a time before getting married makes it more likely that you'll actually have a lasting relationship. You and your partner will already be used to each other's "at home" habits and it won't cause as much tension (or if the tension is unbearable you wouldn't get married in the first place!)
Most never used to live together or even have sex before marriage and most had very long happy lives. These days people are more selfish, want to much to soon which causes stress. The husband used to be the head of the house and be the one working.
If you want to insure it will fall apart... then spit on the rings before the altar.
If you want it to last... then show respect for the vows and take your time for a long courtship... and leave the hanky panky for the honeymoon night... that way you can spend the rest of your lives "Dating" each other.
By sharing a home with my partner, we became stronger than before and more serious about the relationship. It helped our relationship and gave me the confidence to accept him.
I think so! Obviously for some with certain religious or cultural norms/concerns that will not work well. And I don't think living with a person before marriage has to be a requirement. But for those who feel ok with it I would recommend it. You get to see if you two are sexually compatible, which is important in a marriage, in my opinion. You get to share a space and share responsibilities, which is a necessity for marriage and certainly children. Some folks work together well in all regards except sharing a space and it's good to see if that will be a challenge in your future marriage. Every marriage has it's challenges and getting an idea for what you might be in for before hand will make your vows that much stronger. This way you are marrying each other for the whole you (good, bad, and ugly) not just the dream ideal person we always think our partners to be. At least that's what I think!
I have been married for 32 years. We did not shack up or live together. We only dated about a year. We wrote a lot of letters back and forth (lived in different cities), had expensive phone bills (no cells, no e-mail, no texting). I would not have it any other way. Marriage is a commitment. If you spend weeks looking at houses or cars and getting them check out my an inspector or mechanic, the least you can do is take the time to know who you are going to marry. You need to discuss the different aspects of marriage, with sex being high on the list, as well as children, future plans, money, whether one or both of you are going to work, etc. The first time I met my wife. I knew I was going to marry her. She did not have the same reaction. In time, she came around, and as I said we have been happily married for 32 years. It has not always been easy. Money has been tight, health issues, in-law issues and the other unexpected issues that you cannot foresee can all put some strain on any marriage.
However, because of love and commitment the marriage has lasted and I am willing to speculate it willlast until one ofus die.
by Janis Leslie Evans 5 years ago
How did living together before marriage work out for you? Successful or not?I'm doing a hub on this subject and would like to hear about some real experiences.
by Celina Martin 5 years ago
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by KK Trainor 6 years ago
How long did you date your spouse before getting married?
by Oyewole Folarin 7 years ago
Is marriage good or bad?And if marriage is good, what should be considered before getting married?
by Kaleolani 7 years ago
Do you think getting married at about 17 or 18 is too young?
by Josh Makaveli 4 years ago
Do we need to first settle down before getting married?what does settling down mean? is it financial settlement like having a permanent job or mental settlement i.e. one needs to be mature enough?
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