Best way to resolve an argument?
In your relationship - when the 2 of you get into a heated argument, how does it end?
What is the most productive way you have found to patch things up or call a close to the topic of disagreement at hand?
Do you remember to use your healthy tools or do you find yourself going back to the old way of fighting?
I've typically been the hotheaded type, so I've learned not to let things get heated in the first place. As soon as I recognize defensiveness in myself or someone else, I usually say something like, "It's clear we can't agree. I'm going to leave for a little while." I drive to a nearby park or go to another room until I can get centered enough to give good consideration to these questions:
- Is my relationship with this person more important to me than the topic of the argument?
- Does that person value the relationship or the topic more? Should they?
- Depending on the answers to those questions, what should I do about the situation?
My husband and I rarely disagree, but he got pretty critical and judgmental last week, and it culminated last night. I'd asked him twice before if he was feeling stressed (no) or mad at me for some reason (no). I finally made a list of his snarky comments - a dozen within three days - and tried to talk with him. He responded by justifying his behavior, so I left for a while.
When I returned, he again tried to justify his behavior. I calmly told him that I believed his response showed me that he feels justified in hurting our relationship as long as he thinks his own attitude is right, which is something I can't agree with doing. He immediately changed gears, apologized, and went on to tell me a story that revealed he'd done the same thing with a coworker unfairly. Then he figured out what has been subtly adding stress that he hadn't realized he was feeling.
Always stay calm. I NEVER tell my spouse he is dead wrong and what he's saying is nonesense. I ALWAYS point out the facts with true examples of how things are. And in the case that I am wrong, when things calm down I apologise (if necessary) and in a manner that does not make me look inferior I admit that he was right.
By the way, it took years of practice to be able to do that.
You can apologise and admit you are wrong when the other person is one who is respectful of you and who is worthy of your respect. In any other situation there is no reason why two people ought to be together.
When you truly (know someone very well) you can pretty much "anticipate" their reactions to things. You have a strong idea of what would upset them and generally would not do anything to "intentionally" hurt the person you are in love with. I always keep in mind the quote: "Anger is the mask that Hurt wears"
Most fights boil down to someone having their feelings hurt or not believing the other person was (considerate) of them in some way. Fights are genearlly about setting boundaries or gaining some respect. I try not to get too caught up in the person's "reaction method" but instead focus on the pain that led them to react that way.
To be honest with you it is very rare that my wife and I have a heated arugment. As I stated earlier when you know someone very well you also know what would upset them. The majority of fights occur when one or both people start to think more in terms of YOU & ME instead of US & WE with regard to what is best for the relationship, It's our ego that drives us to want to "win" most arguments rather than compromise and work things through.
Stay calm but confident! If you feel you are right do not raise you're tone of voice! That is the quickest way to elevate things in a negative manner. Listen to each other and try to solve things together. When in a relationship, you guys are a team so there's no point in fighting!
by MissJamieD 5 years ago
After a heated argument where feelings are hurt, is it your right to say no to sex when married?After a heated argument with your partner, do they expect sex even though you obviously don't? Is it necessary to do what your partner wants or what you want? There has to be give and take in a...
by 1lrichards 7 years ago
My boyfriend of 9 months and I were not really getting along this weekend. I was frustrated about some things and voiced my frustrations but was in general irritable, short with him and out of wack. We both have kids from our marriages so the kids were around and we didn't really have any downtime...
by Pedroemose 7 years ago
Why do people argue?What do you think is the motivation for people to get involved in heated debate? What do you think, in general, is the basic goal of most heated debates you see? What should be the motivation and/or goal?
by threekeys 10 months ago
each one going to a separate room and sitting down to ask oneself, "if I contributed in anyway to making this argument happen, how (even in the smallest of ways) could I have contributed to this?"Then, could it help to bring some togetherness/solution if you both meet up and share what...
by Leaderofmany 3 years ago
What do you do when your husband shuts down during arguement and refuses to finish the arguement?
by smokenchic 9 years ago
after a heated argument?
Copyright © 2019 HubPages Inc. and respective owners. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc. HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
|HubPages Device ID||This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.|
|Login||This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.|
|HubPages Traffic Pixel||This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.|
|Remarketing Pixels||We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.|
|Conversion Tracking Pixels||We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.|