How do you find the right partner?
Which is the best way to seek and find a partner for life, when you are over 40? You don't want to hang out at parties or bars anymore, internet is full of fake and less serious dating. How did you get to know your partner after 40?
Hi Beaudreamer, I myself am in this same situation..and dont hang out...My advice is to first analyze yourself. Have my past relationships been healthy? Am I just lonely or looking for a mate to marry? If you don't have a full life of your own and don't enjoy being by yourself, you won't find the right mate. And you definitely can't be looking...You will just meet the right person by chance. Don't feel that you have to have a mate to be happy and fulfilled. Most women, like myself would love to meet someone and get married. Unfortunately, most men don't want to commit because they can get sex so easy without getting married! lol... Focus on you, your goals, dreams and doing for others and your mate will come...
Actually I had success with online dating. In fact in our day and age it has been stated that 1 in 5 relationships begin online. It's not where you meet it's whom you meet that counts. Fake people and liars are everywhere. It's important to remember (not all dating sites are equal). I just got back from a cruise where I met two married couples that met on eHarmony. Like anything else you hear more about the nightmare stories than you do the successful relationships. Truth be told the majority of relationships we enter into are going to fail no matter how we meet. If they didn't the majority of us would be married to hour (high school sweethearts). I know of happy couples who are too embarassed to admit they met online. Awhile back I wrote a hub offering tips for online dating. http://dashingscorpio.hubpages.com/hub/ … ine-Dating
However if one has made up their mind they want to remove Internet dating as an option then they might want to do what I call (mate transference). Write down in detail all the traits you want in a mate. Include education, career, hobbies, the type of neighborhood they would live in, gyms they'd work out at, stores they'd shop at, charities they'd donate their time to, and so forth. The next step is to (imagine yourself being him or her) and then ask...If I were him or her would I want to be with me? If the answer is yes then (be there) at all the places you listed your ideal mate would spend time.
If the answer is no then you need to cultivate or evolve into being the kind of person your ideal mate would be attracted to. Opposites may attract in the short run but like attracts like in the long run.
I have done online dating years ago and met some nice guys, but none of them lasted forever. Nowadays online dating is absolutely a horror and filled with fake guys. Changing myself for someone I "imagine" would be perfect doesn't make sense to me.
By stop looking. When you look, you over analyze. When you are just living life, you can find a diamond in the mix of ashes. It's how I found my partner.
I am not deeply looking, but I observed that it has become more difficult nowadays and it is interesting to hear how others found their partners at later age.
Very true. Many individuals I know get married twice, then finally find the perfect partner later into their life.
I'm going to tip-toe into this answer, because since 40, I will have divorced twice. I have learned two very valuable lessons from both. That I do not allow the lust of the flesh, to lead me into a situation, that I know my spirit is not intune with. This is why, at this particular time in my life, I am taking a huge step backwards, and examining myself, putting a control on flesh filled desires, and tuning all of it directly towars my Creator, so that whatever happens, from here, until my departure from Earth, will be Spiritual, and not of the flesh. Look around you, and you will see all of your friends, co-workers, and family being destroyed by flesh, and things that control it. I'm not sure which God, you pray to, but whichever one it is, I'm sure they all are align with the die to the flesh, and be aligned with the Spirit. This is the only way to peace. So, to answer your question, no I haven't found this soulmate, to which I am refering, and if she is out there, I may, or may not find her. For now, it's not about me/flesh, it's about the peace that I've has glimpses of, and retaining that forever. Have a yuwakapi/blessed life. JJay
Ingodshands777, you have a very interesting point of view and I agree with you in many ways. Actually I learned a lot from my past about me, and about what I need in the other one....wrote hubs about it. And I believe in God and his guide....
The hardest part is in the journey towards total peace, is the dying to one's flesh. I play the Native American Flute, and when I am playing, my flesh is dead, it is total spirit, although the song's do come from both heart, and spirit.
Online dating , if done properly, can lead to a nice match with someone. From that moment on, it's up to you to take the journey and lead the way you want to live it and handle it. Remember that maybe nothing lasts forever but you can certainly enjoy your ride while it lasts. Who knows? Maybe it will last more than you expect
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