How do you overcome not being able to freely trust someone because of past actions by others?
I think you just have to start with forgiveness. I forgive you every day. I think it takes time...but if you see the person as a good person..see them how you'd like them to be..remember all the good things they've done. All the good times you've shared..remembering the best self of them, that is there true self. Forgiveness is difficult at first...but the more you focus on the positive...the positive will become your reality. Instead of focusing on the negatives, focus on the positive. Learn to let it go. Not for them, or that they deserve it. Just forgive them because you need to for yourself. Healing your own heart, and releasing the anger, resentments, fears, insecurities. Learn not to allow anyone to effect you emotionally. You have detach from the negative emotions. What I tell people is to send that person love. Think of giving them an imaginary rose every day, saying an affirmation "I love you anyway. I forgive you for hurting me. I know this isn't about me. It's about you, because someone hurt you." I think if you try these things in a few weeks it becomes easier. Judgement will only make matters worse, as well as arguing, blaming, criticising, yelling, screaming. That only pushes them away. If you need to release your emotions, than write, paint, draw, or do something artistically, or musically. It clears all the negativity out. You're not harming no one, not yourself, or another person, but releasing it from yourself.
As Hattiemattiemay said , forgiveness . And heres the thing, it will not come all at once . This may take years [ from personal experience!] . You may even start in a new relationship vowing to never love or even care so much it . Yet the human heart is a marvelous invention ! It won't let you do that for long at all ! Come on , here's a hubber hug ! Now you must go on into life , love and forgiveness . Love will find you again , you will have no choice but to let it happen !.......:-}!
I don't overcome that. Each person has a chance, and just one. If they ruin that chance, then they are gone. Needless to say, I go through friends pretty fast.
If I'm reading your question correctly it seems to say the lack of trust comes from (experiences you had with others) and NOT your (current mate). "because of past actions (by others)?"
When this happens it is usually a sign that you were not ready to enter into a new relationship. (There wasn't enough time for you to attribute the behavior of your ex completely to your ex). Instead you placed the blame on their (whole gender). Very often when we distrust people without cause it has nothing to do with them. Our real issue is we don't trust (ourselves) to (select) the "right" person to emotionally invest in.
Before you enter into any relationship you have to (Know yourself, Love yourself, and TRUST Yourself). At the end of any bad relationship there should be some "take away" or (lesson) that you learned not just about the other person but why (you chose them) to begin with! Trust like respect is earned over time. One common mistake people make is emotionally committing too soon.
Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse. If you go to the store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead....Whose fault is that? Do you curse the onion for not being an apple? No! (You learn to become a better shopper!)
Awhile back I wrote a hub which I also included in my book; My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany) detailing (my recipe) for relationship happiness. Feel free to read it. Best of luck! http://dashingscorpio.hubpages.com/hub/ … phappiness
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