What's your secret to get someone to talk to you when they are giving you the si

Jump to Last Post 1-23 of 23 discussions (43 posts)
  1. stricktlydating profile image83
    stricktlydatingposted 10 years ago

    What's your secret to get someone to talk to you when they are giving you the silent treatment?

  2. That Grrl profile image73
    That Grrlposted 10 years ago

    Stop talking yourself. Anyone who would use silence like that must be someone who likes to talk. If you don't talk to them I doubt they will hold out long once they see you aren't  bothered by their silence.

    I'm very happy with silence and quiet. I'm the quiet one in a family of talkers. If they would give me the silent treatment I'd be delighted!

  3. padmendra profile image45
    padmendraposted 10 years ago

    It is a very difficult part of seconds and life all together when all are silent to you and you are crazy to talk to somebody.It is so difficult when you want to speak to someone and they keep away.
                   The worst treatment one can ever have in life is being treated with a silence all over.
    However in some relations you can actually start when it doesn't get started from the other end.because somewhere or the other if they don't but you care and love them.With only love and affection we can actually pull someone out of the treatment they are throwing our way and things can get better.

    1. stricktlydating profile image83
      stricktlydatingposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks padmendra!

  4. MickS profile image60
    MickSposted 10 years ago

    Do not try to strike up a conversation, you will just become ensnared in that person's pathetic little game.

  5. algarveview profile image75
    algarveviewposted 10 years ago

    Ignore them. It works like a charm... The only question is being able to do it, some people just can't... I don't find it hard... As soon as they realize that we just don't care about the silent treatment, they start talking...

    1. stricktlydating profile image83
      stricktlydatingposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Great, thanks for your advice!

  6. Jaggedfrost profile image60
    Jaggedfrostposted 10 years ago

    usually I reflect on what they said before they went silent.  I try to sort through what was said and done in order to mind meaning and perhaps ground to acknowledge what was said.  Usually this allows the other person to feel heard enough to begin speaking.  The first few words they say may not be pleasant though so a good pare of ear plugs may be called for.

    1. stricktlydating profile image83
      stricktlydatingposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Great, sensible advice thanks!

  7. Yahl profile image59
    Yahlposted 10 years ago

    I think make them comfortable with talking to you and eventually they will trust you.

  8. phoenixarizona profile image65
    phoenixarizonaposted 10 years ago

    Start laughing. Everybody wants in on a joke!

  9. profile image0
    vonda g nelsonposted 10 years ago

    if someone isnt talking to you I believe that is because they do not want to talk to you.  There are many reasons why someone keeps their distance or prefers to no longer   communicate.  Everyone isnt about cat or mouse games, some people do stand by their actions.  If this concerns a solid relationsip, take the initiative.  Regardless of their response  express yourself about how you feel about their silence.  If your actions aren't successful, this may be a sign for future reference.  On the other hand if this is some kind of game (as I don't know if it is worth wasting time to figure it out).  They're bound to run circles around the individual that falls for "the game" Grown folk= communication and Game= Game Games and more games.  At the end of the day no level of respect exist

  10. Pearldiver profile image68
    Pearldiverposted 10 years ago

    In a relationship... giving your partner or your partner giving you 'the silent treatment' is a sign of 2 major negative things (other than the obvious) - Firstly, it indicates that the party doing it, is emotionally immature and likely to have little respect for the value of either you or the relationship. Secondly, this behavior is a known form of abuse and indicates the presence of an abusive, manipulative nature in the party.
    The secret to getting someone to talk to you will work every time.... start packing your belongings or enough to stay away for a week, do so in front of them silently and ignore any protests.  When you've finished, simply say.. goodbye... I don't accept unacceptable behavior... bye!  They will speak immediately... you keep walking and go stay somewhere for 2 days.. saying that it needs to be discussed when you return!  Go... if you dwell.. you loose their game and you deserve the problem!

  11. GoodLady profile image92
    GoodLadyposted 10 years ago

    If the silent treatment is because of unresolved relationship issues then perhaps a gesture would be nice, a gift.  And with the gift a little note which says something caring like "I love you" (no sarcasm, no in-depth stuff).  Just put the gift where they will  find it as a surprise.  They have to say  "thank you"!
    If it isn't because of 'issues' then the silent treatment is personal to the other person, so this has to be respected.  It's time to do your own thing for a while, but again, not with sarcasm. Make your own plans with friends and leave that 'someone' to themselves for a while.  No big deal.
    It's tough!

    1. stricktlydating profile image83
      stricktlydatingposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I appreciate your advice, thanks!

  12. RecoverToday profile image73
    RecoverTodayposted 10 years ago

    Don't go through too much trouble to try and make the person talk.  That's what they want.  It's ridiculous.  Silence is no excuse for rudeness.  Tell them to explain what the problem is; if they don't comply, tune them out, act like nothing is wrong, remain pleasant but not pushy, engage in only surface conversation and go on about your life like the baby isn't pouting.

  13. profile image0
    msorenssonposted 10 years ago

    Silent treatment is only your interpretation of the silence. Maybe the other person is so busy planning your future together...to surprise you...

    1. ptosis profile image69
      ptosisposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Bu Shing!

    2. stricktlydating profile image83
      stricktlydatingposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Well that would be nice smile

  14. ChristinS profile image41
    ChristinSposted 10 years ago

    To give someone the silent treatment points to someone immature who isn't capable of grownup communication.  I would consider whether the friendship/relationship was worth continuing.  If you truly did something to hurt the other person I would take accountability and apologize for your own actions, but I would also let the other person know that immature behavior and no communication does not solve problems, it only jeopardizes the relationship.

    1. ptosis profile image69
      ptosisposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thumbs up - it's called manipulation. Only recourse? Get  'em pissed off. Yeah - they communicating - but the cops will show up.  Saying nothing is still saying something actually.

    2. stricktlydating profile image83
      stricktlydatingposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      That's good advice ChristinS

  15. tsmog profile image81
    tsmogposted 10 years ago

    Discovery, patience, love, fairness, consideration, respect, acknowledgement, understanding, and  . . . . . . . . . . . . sometimes, just holding their hand helps - metaphorically or as an allegory, consider the child, lost in the world of parents, seek knowledge of the least at times offers, the wisdom of time - ask of those who have lived, their view(s) will be mixed, grab that flour sifter, refine the known to discover the unknown, and with time that pie, cake, or even gravy will be tasty . . .

  16. R Dorian Grey profile image68
    R Dorian Greyposted 10 years ago

    I refuse to bother with such people.Silent treatments have everything to do with sulking on the part of those people. They shun communication which cannot be right. People who really care about you talk things over. Silent treatments are nothing but emotional blackmail.

    1. ptosis profile image69
      ptosisposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Maybe, if start talking afraid of going to start yelling and get in a fight. You know when I'm totally angry - I write notes so won't get into an emotional meltdown. If i write your a letter - that means I'm pissed but still want to vent.

    2. R Dorian Grey profile image68
      R Dorian Greyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Writing is also communication, it's just not oral communication. Very sensible thing to do if you're afraid communication gets out of hand. Must be an amusing sight: she: yell, yell, you scribble scribble, she yell yell again etc.

    3. stricktlydating profile image83
      stricktlydatingposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I tend to agree with you R Dorian, it does seem like emotional blackmail.

  17. mackyi profile image66
    mackyiposted 10 years ago

    Providing you haven't done them anything wrong, you should just reciprocate the action! If you know for sure that you haven't done this person any wrong, then you shouldn't even worry about it.
    Humans are creatures of habits, so if you continue to allow people to play games like this with you and you keep on giving in --- guess what, sooner or later it will become a pattern. So let them know that you are just as important as they are! If they can do without you, you can do without them likewise!

  18. fpherj48 profile image60
    fpherj48posted 10 years ago

    This is a hell of a question!   I could answer this, but it will be so much more interesting...as well as accurate......if "Gabby Van Gibberish,"  the 82 year-old burnt-out advice columnist, butts-in and tells you what the "secret," is.....
    Dear stricktlydating..... ..I'd like to know who the immature ass is, who is using the ridiculous "silent treatment!"   
    You SURE you want this sore head to talk to you?  You may be much better off that they're keeping their stupid mouth SHUT!   Think about this a little.
    But, if you insist on "getting him/her to talk to you,"  you may as well play their idiotic game and FEED their EGO......That's the whole point of the silent treatment, you know.  This sort of spoiled brat wants you to suffer until you come to your senses and admit they're right......and also, that THEY are the sole reason for your existence. 
    Try throwing yourself at his/her feet and telling them you don't want to live anymore, if they refuse to talk to you......that your whole life depends upon their love for you and that you are nothing without them.......threaten to commit suicide....offer them money......vow to be their slave forever......
    Before they react to your incredible drama.........stop suddenly, stand up and pull yourself together.....put a look of SHOCK on your face....and then calmly say,   "Oh my GOD!...I'm sorry......I thought you were someone I actually CARE about!"
    Walk away ......and do not look back.  Do not GO back.   Go directly to the closest park and sit next to the first person you see.  Smile and say Hello and ask an interesting question.   He/she WILL talk to you.   
    Snap out of it.......The silent treatment is a form of torture.  Unless you enjoy TORTURE.....I suggest you MOVE ON!!!     Realistically Yours,  Gabby

    1. ptosis profile image69
      ptosisposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      That's game playing. Why play games?

    2. fpherj48 profile image60
      fpherj48posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      ptosis.......That's putting an END to THEIR game, in the manner they seem to understand, just to make it CLEAR.  As in.."This is how foolish you are and I'm not hanging around for Act II.   Final curtain.  Bye bye"
      Gabby doesn't play games.

    3. RecoverToday profile image73
      RecoverTodayposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      fphrj:  Way to go girl!

    4. stricktlydating profile image83
      stricktlydatingposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      LOL! It was enjoyable reading your comment, thanks!

  19. ssmith1534 profile image68
    ssmith1534posted 10 years ago

    The circumstances determine how you respond to the silent treatment.

    I was raised in a household with a parent that did the silent treatment, and it's a weird energy. Sometimes, the silent treatment would go on for days. Sometimes, when you receive the silent treatment, a person is trying to deal with their feelings. And usually, that means they need time to process things. So leave them alone, and don't initiate a conversation unless absolutely necessary. Eventually, they will come around. (This is easier to do if they don't live with you). If they do something small like "like" your Facebook status, then they are more receptive and ready to have a conversation.

    If they're not important to you, ignore it. Some people just like attention.

    1. ptosis profile image69
      ptosisposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      That's cool, Sometimes just "being there" makes all the difference.  As in mourning.

    2. stricktlydating profile image83
      stricktlydatingposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for sharing your experience with this!

  20. connorj profile image70
    connorjposted 10 years ago


    I would simply find out what their issue is. Quite frankly it is their issue. Of course this is easy for me to say; however, ultimately what they are usually doing when this is "turned on" is "over-heating". Now when I say it is their issue; the cause of their issue is usually something you have said or action that you have done; well I mean the one the silence is served to...
    Having said all this, you must get them to communicate asap because every time-delay can build exponentially on the potential intensity of the situation. Although a relatively short time period of slence could be healthy if it has occured after a heated altercation between 2 or more parties... Tred carefully.

    1. stricktlydating profile image83
      stricktlydatingposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Great advice thanks!

  21. 1kmjs profile image62
    1kmjsposted 10 years ago

    OKay this is kind of ridiculous, but it works 100% of the time.
    I look at the person and start a rambling narrative of what the person might be thinking, speaking it out loud. Example- If they are sitting on the couch with arms crossed, a stern look splashed across thier face I would say...

    "I am just going to sit here with my arms crossed, I like crossing my arms, it gives me a feeling of strength. I wonder if I have any armpit moisture under here? Would be dreadful if I sat here all day and got pickled fingers from under arm perspiration."

    It always helps to throw in a really funny narrative voice, I like to use the guy from the "Liberty Medical" commercials, you know, that guy from Cocoon.

    I find that no human being on the planet can deal with someone doing that without either cracking up, or punching you in the face. But hey, at least it breaks the silence.

    1. stricktlydating profile image83
      stricktlydatingposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      LOL that sounds like an interesting way to deal with the silent treatment!

  22. viveresperando profile image64
    viveresperandoposted 10 years ago

    I find it quite interesting to listen to the differences in the answers and to listen to how far apart they are from each other or how closely they are.  It will never cease to amaze me how we sometimes forget we all interpret the same information differently at times and how we react differently to the same situation.  Each response has their point of view and what each writer feels a "logical explanation" for their response.  They are all right to each and their own and yet they can be so diverse at the same time.  How crazy would it be if in reality there was no real right answer or wrong answer to this situation?

    1. stricktlydating profile image83
      stricktlydatingposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I appreciate your thoughts viveresperando.  Maybe there isn't a 'right way' to respond to someone giving you the silent treatment! But it's good to have some feedback here about how others have dealt with the situation.

  23. Crissylite profile image80
    Crissyliteposted 10 years ago

    Their silence speaks very loud, and it is deliberate for xyz reason. Without talking, this person is trying to send some kind of message. It's kind of like social bullying.

    I would continue to show love to the other person and be respectful, but let him/her know that I am aware of what is going on.

    Let him/her know that you're open for communication and that you're concerned with what he/she is feeling. If that person is still acting that way, I would just ignore and move on. It may be tuff, but you don't need anybody playing with your emotions, and there is always more to life, including more relationships to be made.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)