Why are relationships so hard?

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   ReneeDC1979posted 11 years ago

   Why are relationships so hard?
   
   It is so easy to begin dating, but maintaining what you want and what he/she wants is the hard part.
   
   

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   krillcoposted 11 years ago

   Because people do not have the right information on how to carry them out; they never learned or learned erroneous things from either their parents or friends, or worse yet, they learn from TV how to be in relationships. Knowing where to go to get the right information on how relationships really work is key, yet many refuse to do so. Asking your friends about how to be in relationship, or even reading 'popular' articles in magazines is like having your friend set your broken arm....stupid. Read this: Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch.

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      ReneeDC1979posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks krillco for your comment.  I will check it out thanks

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   lburmasterposted 11 years ago

   Because everything worth having takes time and practice. People constantly change, but you need to find someone who is past the point of quick change. This is usually after the age of 30. But if you are lucky, your partner is focused and stays motivated and is firm in their beliefs.

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      ReneeDC1979posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you lburmaster  - let's hope going forward i am with a focused/motivated partner for the long term.

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   flashmakeitposted 11 years ago

   Finding a Christian man maybe hard to do since no one is prefect.  So you have to do the best with your choices in life. A godly man is selfless, like Jesus which makes him Christ like. He never focused attention onto himself therefore you are more willing to follow his orders.

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      ReneeDC1979posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you flashmakeit - is there a difference between a Christian and a godly man??

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      flashmakeitposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      There is no difference and thank you for the reply.  I mean a man who cares about peoples well being and follows the right path in life.  He opinion should be trusted.

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   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   I think in order to figure out why relationships are so hard we need to go back to "Why are relationships so (easy) in the beginning?"
   The reason it's so easy from the start is one or both people are not presenting their "authentic self". Whenever someone is very attracted to another person they practically bend over backwards to spend time with them. They're afraid to say anything that may put them at risk of "blowing" an opportunity to get close to them. The word "no" is seldom if ever heard. Both people make it a "priority" to ensure the other person is "happy". Once there is an (emotional investment) in the relationship people stop making the same effort. "We work harder to (get) something than we do to (keep) it."
   It's not uncommon to hear someone say, "He/She is not the same person I fell in love with." We are taught to be on our best behavior or strive to make a great "first impression" when we meet someone (new). It is not until we see each other's "authentic selves" that we start having "communication problems".  We'd all be better off if we lived by the code of "Be yourself and let the chips fall where they may." right from the time we meet someone. Awhile back I wrote a hub titled "Relationships: Do we save our best for the beginning?" Far too often the answer to that question is "yes". http://dashingscorpio.hubpages.com/hub/ … ebeginning

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      ReneeDC1979posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Great response.  We make it hard because we don't make it real from the beginning.  We act to keep the person around and then when they've invested in us or we in them our true selves begin to reveal themselves.  Interesting.

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      CJ Sledgehammerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Well said, Dashing...I couldn't have said it better myself. :0)

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   CJ Sledgehammerposted 11 years ago

   Only "forced" relationships are hard or relationships where the couples are unequally yoked. Often times both parties find themselves in a struggle for dominance or have conflicting wills.
   
   Relationships that are hard...are relationships that are forced. A quality relationship is not forced nor is it selfish. Most people I have met do not have what it takes to be in a quality relationship.
   
   In many respects our society has a bunch of selfish little boys and girls trying to execute their own will and have things their way. Spells trouble every time.

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      ReneeDC1979posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you CJ Sledgehammer

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Very true! The moment couples start thinking in terms of (You & Me) instead of (Us & We) then they are no longer a team. I've heard people say, "I don't (care) what he/she wants..etc" If you don't (care) if your mate is happy it's time to mov

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   Monay Loveposted 11 years ago

   I wish I knew the answer to this question myself. lol relationships aren't easy at all...It just makes me want to date for the rest of my life & never be romantically involved with another man again. From the arguing, the lying, the betrayal, the locked cell phones, just drama. Even the part when you grow apart it's just terrible. But hey, that's life.

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      ReneeDC1979posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      thank you Monay Love - I totally agree - being single has it's perks, but it gets lonely.  But relationships make you want to be single cause of all the crap.

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      If you go to the store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead...Whose fault is that? Do you curse the onion for not being an apple? No! You learn to be a better "shopper". Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse. Be selective!

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      ReneeDC1979posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you dashingscorpio for the humor in your response, but the truth in it as well.  Life is a forever learning process in relationships, etc.

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   Deepes Mindposted 11 years ago

   Relationships are hard to maintain because they require you to give up some of the things that you are used to doing out of love and consideration for the other person in the relationship. Relationships require time, patience, and two people who truly want to be together. In relationships, the words I, me, and mine must give way to we, us, and ours. Also as we grow older, the things we used to enjoy are constantly changing so we have to keep adapting to the changes.
   
   Ultimately, relationships become easier or harder depending on the answer to this question: Would I rather be right or would I rather be happy?

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