jump to last post 1-8 of 8 discussions (15 posts)

How long should you know somebody before you marry them?

76
alexandriaruthkposted 5 years ago
How long should you know somebody before you marry them?

or does amount of time matter at all?
reply report
83
multiculturalsoulposted 5 years ago
I can only speak from experience. My father asked my mother to marry him after knowing her for only 30 days. She said no. Three months later, he asked again, she said yes, and they've been married now for 52 years. I "courted" my wife for four years before we married, and we'll celebrate our 19th anniversary in January. I know of couples (now divorced) who dated since junior high, and I also know have a friend who eloped with a girl he knew for three dates--and they have seven children and four grandchildren. There doesn't seem to be a formula for the "correct" amount of time. Though I didn't like waiting four years, I'm glad we did. I'm also glad my mother said yes the second time ...
reply report
1. 0
  CJ Sledgehammerposted 5 years agoin reply to this
  Luck does play a part, but careful consideration, planning and patience is the key. By the way, congratulations on your upcoming wedding anniversary.
  reply report
89
jaydawg808posted 5 years ago
Personally, to really get to know someone, I'd say around a year and a half. This, I think is the minimum. Anything less, in my opinion, is not knowing the full picture of who they are.
reply report
1. 0
  CJ Sledgehammerposted 5 years agoin reply to this
  Right on, Jaydawg!!!
  reply report
0
CJ Sledgehammerposted 5 years ago
Yes...time does matter. Any good marriage counselor will tell you that one must date a minimum of 300 hours before tying the knot - and that does not take into account "marathon dates".

All in all, if going out on a date twice per week for 3 hours per date...it should take about 1.5 - 2 years to really get to know the other person. They say this is crucial, because those who are not on the "up and up" will likely "let their hair down" around this time...revealing who they really are and what they really are about.

Anyone can maintain a false front for a spell...but not in the long run. Unfortunately, our society is almost entirely populated by prolific, serial fornicatiors, who hop into bed almost right away. Once this happens, all objectivity goes right out the door.
reply report
64
grillrepairposted 5 years ago
Longer Than We Can Pretend!
On a date we are so well behaved, we smell good, we dress nice, we eat properly and we think about what comes out of our mouths. I think we should find a way to get to know someone beyond their ability and our ability to keep up the good behavior. Although negotiating a life together can easily confront these things we have to know what "things" to confront to make our agreements for living together.
my wife and i are only just getting to know one another after 10 years because we "fell in love" fast, got married fast, had children fast and were raising kids, working, etc. All of a sudden one day we're practically strangers because we did not know much beyond the blinders of love so long ago.
reply report
1. 0
  CJ Sledgehammerposted 5 years agoin reply to this
  Good point. A hot start often leads to a cold ending.
  reply report
87
dashingscorpioposted 5 years ago
It's not so much as how (long) you know someone as it is how (well) you know someone before you marry them.
The goal is to find someone that shares your same values and wants the same thing for a marriage as you do. Ideally you should be "in love" with each other as well. Very often it takes quite awhile before people reveal their "authentic selves". You need to know how a person handles the ups and downs of life. Beoming engaged during the "infatuation phase" of a relationship is seldom the right move. It takes more time to really get to (know) someone then most people are willing to invest these days.
reply report
1. 0
  CJ Sledgehammerposted 5 years agoin reply to this
  I agree with you to a point. Time is a necessary ingredient because it is a reliable agent of change. It will allow you to see the other individual over time...and be able to measure any changes in behavior. This, then, allows us to know them well.
  reply report
2. 87
  dashingscorpioposted 5 years agoin reply to this
  CJ, We're on the same page. As I stated it takes (awhile) before people reveal their "authentic selves". Every relationship (starts off) perfect. :-)
  reply report
3. 0
  CJ Sledgehammerposted 5 years agoin reply to this
  :0)
  reply report
59
Tnagariaposted 5 years ago
Hello alexandria
I honeslty think that no body can give you the answer to your question because there really is no fixed amount of time. I am not discounting getting to know the other person but sometimes it might take years together and sometimes you just instantly, intutively just know that this is the person. And its ok both ways.
The reason you've asked such a question is because your unsure, and you think your taking too much (correct me if I am wrong, I may be wrong), maybe your not sure of the guy, or ur unsure of your own self, if the idea of marriage and if you are ready to get into a commitment of that sort, don't trick yourself into believing what others are trying to make you believe, don't burry your gut feeling and intution deep within you, allow it to speak for you, you will intutively know who the right person is in time to come and it will be so natural that there will be no scope for such questions. Its like they say when you know its right, its right and even if the world says it not, you know that your choice is the best choice for you
Cheers.
reply report
1. 0
  CJ Sledgehammerposted 5 years agoin reply to this
  No amount of time will help if one is not paying attention. And, the more complicated someone is...the more time it will take to truly know them.
  reply report
60
edhanposted 5 years ago
Time is NOT the factor.

I married within a week after knowing my wife.

My friend got married after 7 years with his wife.

When the right one comes, it will happen.
reply report