jump to last post 1-9 of 9 discussions (11 posts)


  1. mypleasurefantasy profile image87
    mypleasurefantasyposted 5 years ago


    I am a woman so don't misunderstand my question.

    What causes or forces women to be vindictive? Better yet what causes anyone to be vindictive, spiteful or hateful?

    What's the point?

  2. profile image0
    JThomp42posted 5 years ago

    Ego and pride. The feeling that they must get "Even" with the person who has wronged them. Also, what they do not realize is the other person is probably feeling the same way, so this is a vicious cycle of hate. Hate will own you and make your life miserable. Especially the one that you hate will consume your being. Hate is so toxic. More people need to just let it go. Learn to be the bigger person, no matter how hard this might be. It will be much better for them in the end.

  3. multiculturalsoul profile image82
    multiculturalsoulposted 5 years ago

    Some folks believe life is a game they have to win at all costs. They aren't content only to play. It's kind of like checkers. I am going to jump you (verbally or worse) until you "king" me.

  4. profile image0
    Garifaliaposted 5 years ago

    "Ego and pride." JThomp42---agreed, and this is the result of a personality that has been formed through all the wrong examples in life; a person that has not learned to forgive and forget; a person who knows no self worth.

  5. James-wolve profile image78
    James-wolveposted 5 years ago

    I would normally say that it depends on the woman, but since women are, on average, more emotionally-driven than men, I can absolutely see how women would be more vindictive if they felt they were wronged in some way.One thing about girls is that they hold grudges a lot longer than a guy would...Girls have the ability to hold a grudge for a really long time.For example,a friend of mine told me once that a girl had hated him since like 5th grade and added that  he did nothing wrong to her ,I told him the point is,is that she hates you just as much now as she did in 5th grade?and the weird thing is I don't know any guys that can hate someone not only for no reason,but for that long.

  6. Express10 profile image89
    Express10posted 5 years ago

    From one lady to another, I too have wondered the same thing and in my experience it often comes down to the OTHER person's insecurities or jealousies. Don't let them get you down, it means that they have problems, not you and they are likely wanting some talent, skill, trait, or even man that you have.

    There is no point to it and they should simply be left alone with the nonsense that they so enjoy. Ignore them and spend time with secure and accomplished people that share the same morals and ethics as you. Perhaps Garifalia has put it best "a person who knows no self worth."

    1. mypleasurefantasy profile image87
      mypleasurefantasyposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with everything you said. It's as if to say "let the haters hate". I definitely surround myself with secure individuals, however the insecure and insecurities are a difficult monster to run from. Especially when it affects family.

  7. profile image0
    matama ellieposted 5 years ago

    As a woman i find this question very thought provoking-with good reason.

    A few years ago i made a choice to actively celebrate what other women in my life accomplish, even if they beat me at something.

    Jealousy in my opinion, is the driving force in women who choose to be vindictive and what causes it varies from person to person.

    I would say excess competitiveness and insecurity are among the biggest driving forces of jealousy.The need to have what others have without necessarily working for it.

    No wonder the Bible does say that we should not covet what our neighbors have.
    Life has taught me to compete with myself, with the talents that i have and against my competition only to a reasonable extent.Being content is the best way to avoid that kind of horrible behavior so often seen in women.That way when someone does something horrible, you just ignore them till they get tired.

  8. dashingscorpio profile image88
    dashingscorpioposted 5 years ago

    "Anger is the mask that hurt wears"
    For some people revenge or making the other person hurt is the only way they feel they can move on. When I was growing up most children were taught if someone hits you then hit them back or "stand up for yourself". Whether it's hitting back, reporting someone to authorities, doing to them what they did to you, or even "better" (topping) what they did...etc It all comes back to (ego) satisfaction. Having said that I think it's weird to hurt someone and NOT expect some type of retaliation!
    It takes time to evolve to a place where one believes in "karma", develops the ability to forgive, or has the faith to just move on believing "everything works out for the best in the end." More often than not the vindictive person never really feels satisfied. Oftentimes it makes them look like an idiot if they end up getting arrested for harassment or caught on tape destroying property. It's hard to live down coming across as CRAZY in the public mindset.

  9. krillco profile image92
    krillcoposted 5 years ago

    I'd say: reactivity. Reactivity is the tendency to make negative attributions to others' behaviors without either gathering all the facts or by making assumptions. Negative thoughts are in direct relation to negative emotions, and by extension, negative behaviors (vindictive, spiteful, hateful). The whole process is based on the erroneous idea that we can and have the right to try to control others. If you do not agree with me, or validate me, then you certainly must be against me, and if you are against me, I must penalize you in some way.

    1. mypleasurefantasy profile image87
      mypleasurefantasyposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I knew sometimes there's overreaction involved but I never truly thought about it in the manner you describe.