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How would you handle an adult child living at home and living an alternative lifestyle?
How would you handle an adult child living at home with a younger sibling and openly living an alternative lifestyle?
First of all unless that alternative lifestyle would somehow harm my younger child (drugs, gangs, etc.) I wouldn't care about that part. I would care more about an adult child still being at home. If the child was in college that too would be different. I would hope that with a little light pushing my child would understand that once they are adults it's time to move on. If they didn't understand that I would encourage some goals and set some boundaries on the time frame they could continue to live in my home.
Your adult child is your child. It is your home and you are the parent. Hold true to the standards your adult child lived under when they were young. If you have taught your adult child as a child a set of standards of behavior, language or rules, there is no reason not to adhere to them here. Especially for the fact you have another, younger sibling in the house. You are in charge. Act like it.
However, you have to understand that the words "alternative lifestyle" carries a suspicious power when GLBTQ people are confronted with it. Loose the attitude these words carry and loose the labels and stereotypes as well and you will find interacting with your adult child better.
I have completely adhered to all standards set in my home. Everything short of putting her out. Her lifestyle is her issue. There's no attitude towards the lifestyle, though she tries to turn the focus to it. My younger child is avoids her in public.
I started contributing to the household of my parents the day I graduated high school. I didn't like the rules my parents set so I was out of their home since the age of 19. Never been back since. I'd love to have a talk with your adult child.
I'm sure it will come to that soon. The transition doesn't have to be so tense, in my opinion, but I realize some people have to learn and find their own way. I really appreciate your responses and welcome any suggestions.
Is there an issue - unspoken or spoken - about this 'lifestyle." ? She could be hurting that her parents are tolerating her, but hoping she'll snap out of her lifestyle.
Unfortunately - if you are talking about being gay - this isn't going to happen.
Boundaries need setting, and staying within. But don't avoid the painful issues - get them sorted and she'll respect you more.
Thanks for your comment. Boundaries have been set tested and addressed. When this happens she is more humble but eventually there's a new test
Thats what children are for - testing you. I was wondering if your youngest was avoiding her because they didn't understand, or had picked up on some of your possible animosity towards her. Have you explained to your youngest anything?
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