why men are afraid to express themselves

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   Lyricsnlinesposted 15 years ago

   do you remember the book entitled, men are from mars and women are from venus?  You have to know that is so true.  That is why I look at love and relationships as the greatest miracle GOD performs.  Two people from completely different backgrounds, randomly meet, "fall in love" and decide they both want to live and share their entire lives with each other forever!!!  That is amazing! Before all that happens I am sure at one point or another the woman had to poke and prod for the "L" word or you had to say it first before he did.  Either way, ladies we gotta understand that men are not emotional, they are practical...could you imagine two emotionally out of control people trying to make a decision in the midst of a crisis?  NO one has to be able to maintain their composure while the other one is allowed to respond by falling out.  There are rare cases where those roles are reversed, but hey the world isn't perfect!

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      Poppa Bluesposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      You are wise to recognize that!

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      cosetteposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      well, men have it kind of rough. if they are stoic, we call them cold and unfeeling. if they show emotion, we call them wimpy. if they don't drool over our sexy outfit, we chop them off at the knees for not noticing how pretty we look and if they DO drool, we tell them what lecherous dogs they are.
      
      it's a fine line men have to walk. as the mother of a male child, i understand men's side of things...

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         sooner than laterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         the beautiful duality- good answer.

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      Black Lillyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I think that's not exactly true.
      Men are very emotional. They can feel, they can listen to your chatter, they can be patient and understanding. Sometimes much more than women.
      Regards to being practical, men get completely lost when feeling something for a woman. It's a chaos in their minds, and they no longer know what to do, why and when. They try to get everything under control, sometimes desperately, but it does not necessarily lead to success.
      If a man makes substantial effort to understand a woman, she should help him a bit. Then everything falls in place.

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      Lisa HWposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I read that book, and I pretty found it baloney. The guy who wrote it presented his generalized version of what he thinks men are like, and what he thinks women are like.  That guy, himself, would show up on tv and come across as a condescending, emotionally-driven, touchy-feely, "siss-boy" kind of guy who had a pretty misguided view of both women and men.  It's too bad so many people bought the bill-of-goods he was selling (even if he truly believed the stuff in his own book). 

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      wsp2469posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I'm sorry.  I don't understand the question.  (Does someone have a "Vaginese to English Dictionary"?

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   habeeposted 15 years ago

   True dat, Lyrics! I think men see it as a sign of weakness to show emotion.

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      Daniel Carterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Men with insecurities about themselves see it as a sign of weakness. Same goes for anyone, not just men. The railroad runs both ways on this one. I've experienced it enough.

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         rebekahELLEposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         I think you're right daniel. while some men are very comfortable with expression of emotions, some feel it is not 'manly'.
            
         I think it has to do with the way young boys are raised, the environment inside the home, expectations of parents. the more creative types tend to show more emotions openly. I have two sons who express their emotions, one more so than the other. but they also lost their father at a young age. we always told them to express themselves even if angry. emotions help us understand and move through life.
         
         too many are not given a chance to really say what they feel. so they learn to hold it within. same with females. the pendulum swings both ways.

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   cally2posted 15 years ago

   And emotional men don't exist?
   Bugger I'm not practical either. Pass the razor blades

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   prettydarkhorseposted 15 years ago

   men dont want to lose and be rejected they always want to win, so if they say the word L and the woman doesnt respond they feel they are inept...thats why they also love to win specially in sports

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   TINA Vposted 15 years ago

   indeed, fear is really a sign of weakness to express true emotions. hhhmmm. . .

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   torimariposted 15 years ago

   This is a huge generalization and therefore bolllooocks. Yes, men are typically, by far, to the point and not as emotional as women. However, we are also individuals. I've been seeing gender on this forum taking over, topic-wise, whilst disregarding that we are our own person.
   
   I know highly emotional women and men....quiet women and men....illogical women and men...hell, my dad is a big emotional mess most of his times, that yaps nonstop like a hen, while I am more quiet, and keep to myself.
   
   Poor underrated individuality.

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      ragnaworksposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I agree, how open or emotional people are is based more on individual personalities than gender. A person's childhood is a big factor in that as well.

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      Lisa HWposted 15 years agoin reply to this

        I've known a few of those men who are big emotional messes, myself.  I think it's funny you used the words, "yaps nonstop like a hen" because I know exactly what you mean.    AND, contrary to the Mars/Venus baloney, I've known men who "just need to vent their problems and aren't necessarily looking for someone to solve them; and women who automatically think a yapping, complaining, man expects them to solve the problem.

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   lyricsingrayposted 15 years ago

   I beg to differ that men are not emotional and just practical - I think that in itself is a sexist remark and degrading to mens intelligence.

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      lyricsingrayposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      geez

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   prettydarkhorseposted 15 years ago

   men are also emotional like lyricsngray said, they just dont knobw how to say or let you feel at times and they are maybe scared of what do we think about them too

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   Jonathan Jancoposted 15 years ago

   I happen to be very emotional AND very quiet and shy. I am not necessarily afraid to express my feelings, but have suffered some very harsh rejections from women who didn't want to know what I was feeling.

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      TINA Vposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Being emotional, quiet and shy is not an expression of fear.  It is a personality characteristics of a person.
      
      But when a person tends to hide his true feelings and experience difficulty of expressing himself because of rejection then that is fear.  Another type of fears are those feelings that were developed during childhood years based on experience or training.  For instance, the person may have a fear of heights because he might have experienced falling in a high place such as a tree. 
      
      Just for additional info. . . :-)

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         Jonathan Jancoposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         I have as many fears as the next person, but when it comes to emotions in relationships, I sometimes wish I could be less cautious.

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      Daniel Carterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I agree, Jonathan. The root is about trust and vulnerability, and rejection is one of the surest way to suppress emotions. Therefore, it does create insecurities in us. The way to overcome it, I've learned is just to figure out how to be secure with ourselves. Trusting others will always be a case by case issue. There is also a sense of propriety. Being emotionally vulnerable and spewing feelings would not be appropriate when negotiating the purchase price of a home, for example.

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      Lisa HWposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I think a lot of people don'
      t understand/interpret things much of the time, when someone else does or doesn't show emotion.
      
      I was 10 when my grandfather (my father's father) died.  In the church at his funeral my uncle was crying up a storm, and as a kid that was new to me.  I looked at my father and he wasn't crying.  I just thought "some men just don't cry"." I never saw my father cry at all.   As a kid, I had seen mymother cry, and it was very unsettling to have my mother crying.  I remember how helpless and worried I felt as a little kid on those rare times when my mother would cry.
      
      I had young teen kids when my mother died, and all her grandchildren and other young family members were at the wake, crying.  I knew I couldn't let any of them see me cry because I knew if they did it would make it so much harder for all those young kids.  Whether it was then, or any other difficult time in our lives, I instinctively  knew that I always had to be strong for my children.  When you know your children count on you to keep your head together and be strong, you don't want them to wonder if  you're falling apart or worry about you.  All these years later, I now understand what my father was doing when he didn't let himself cry at his father's funeral.  When my father died I was 21, and I made sure I didn't cry at his funeral.  In the case I just felt like if I did things would get so out-of-control it just wouldn't be good to have happen in public.  I knew there was no such thing as allowing just a little crying.
      
      I wasn't denying my emotions, or pretending for the children that I was "all happy".  I just think there's something to be said for not letting emotions "run rampant" when you have to be strong for someone like younger family members.  That's what I didn't understand when I was ten and a my grandfather's funeral.
      
      I really think, whether you're a man or a woman, having children makes you know you had better be the kind of strong they need you to be.  My kids were teens when their father's mother died, and my two sons were bigger than I am.  I always think of how good it was that I had established myself as "strong" in their eyes, because I'll always remember gathering up these almost-adults in a cluster in my arms, as they cried freely over the death of their grandmother.  Again, as a parent we learn how important it is to be strong for the people who need us to be; and if we're a grown up we know that we can't afford the luxury of allowing ourselves to fall apart.  My kids are strong people because they've seen strength modeled by their father and me.  That's why, when people think everyone ought to be all touchy feely and let it all hang out, I don't necessarily think that's the way people ought to be.  Sometimes not "being all emotional" isn't just about us and isn't the healthiest thing.

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         ragnaworksposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         I fully agree with everything you just said. I think both extremes are unhealthy, either being emotional all the time, or never being emotional at all. I think a balance needs to be maintained between the two. There is a time to show emotion, and there is a time not to.

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    Stimpposted 15 years ago

    I think men are more emotional than originally thought because if they show that emotion....they are also showing vulnerability.  My spouse is emotional around me, but seems very "not so much" to others.  I'm one of the only people on the planet who has seen him cry.  So to others he seems practical not emotional.  I know him differently.

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    sooner than laterposted 15 years ago

    I think men express themselves pretty well. Yes means yes, and no means no.
    
    Now- women have interpretive expressions, but we don't know that until we get it wrong. very confusing.
    
    Maybe women want to see men cry more. Ask him the watch "the notebook"- he will cry because he wants it to end.

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    TINA Vposted 15 years ago

    Jonathan, that is normal. There is nothing wrong with it. Men and women have their own fears in life. We all have . . .
    Please do read my latest article on Johari Window - A Guide to Personal and Career Life (Part 1).

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    femguy14posted 15 years ago

    I think that if more men expressed there emotions more so then they would be better husbnds and perhaps better fathers. I for one am one of those sensitive in touch with emotions guy and i find that i am better to interact with women then i would have better.
    So guys fem it up

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       sneakorocksolidposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Yikes!

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    shazwellynposted 15 years ago

    why men are afraid to express themselves?  Because they don't have any udders! x hehehe

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    sneakorocksolidposted 15 years ago

    My reason is because the women in my life hit!

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    sooner than laterposted 15 years ago

    haha, sneaks- twice.

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       sneakorocksolidposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       How you doing Sooner?

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    anglfire693posted 15 years ago

    I think men are emotional, they just haven't been brought up to be openly emotional and society, for the most part, isn't accepting over overly emotional men.  Secondly, I think that men are more "out of sight, out of mind" types and they don't focus and dwell on things like women do.  It seems all they have to do to get over something is go to work or watch a football game, start a project around the house...men seem to focus on whatever it is they are doing at that moment so they don't seem as emotional because they can "move on" to something else. 
    
    Say a man and a woman have a terrible fight and both are feeling very upset.  After the fight, a man will go work in the garage or go to work or whatever it is that men do and most likely not discuss the argument.  Women on the other hand, will cry about it while washing dishes or watching Oprah, or call a girlfriend and hash out the entire thing with her while crying, or go to work and discuss it with every co-worker who will listen and give her a kleenex to wipe her tears, she'll blog about it, seek self help books and dvd's and friends advice regarding it...even write about it in her journal.  Men on the other hand, leave it alone and move on with the next task or situation at hand without dragging the emotion with them.
    
    Of course this is generally speaking and each scenario and everyone is different and there are always exceptions to the rule...

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    SOLAR383posted 15 years ago

    Men are often more emotional than women - its just the shy side of the man that hides emotions...

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       Black Lillyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Exactly. And we want them to be go-getters instead, because that's what they claim to be.

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    Himitsu Shugishaposted 15 years ago

    I don't believe that men are afraid to show emotion. I think a man's willingness to "open-up" depends entirely on the woman that he's with. It takes a special woman to bring that out in a man, but when it happens, it's a beautiful situation for all parties involved. Hell, my hubs alone are proof that this is true.

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    h.a.borcichposted 15 years ago

    Men aren't casual about expressing deep emotion unless there is significant trust. Once a man crosses that line and is confident he expresses emotion more easily, usually. I have also known a man to be so freaked out about being vulnerable that he sabotages the relationship. Just my thoughts, Holly:)

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    Scott.Lifeposted 15 years ago

    I read the words of a lot of men expressing their emotions on here daily. In the fallout from metro-sexual trends I have heard from many of the women around me that they are tired of sissies and wusses and are looking for the traditional strong men again. If you want a man then let him be a man, but if you're looking for a male version of yourself ladies then there are some deeper issues to deal with.
    
    Be careful Ladies or you may just get what you ask for.

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       Lisa HWposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I'm a strong non-wuss, non-emotional, kind of a person, so for me, a "male version of myself" would be someone I approved of. "Metrosexual" is more about the way a guy dresses and cares about his appearance, rather than what kind of person he is or whether he's a wuss.  It'd be real good if "the world" could figure out that women and "wuss" behavior aren't necessarily always associated.

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          Scott.Lifeposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Funny that YOU would equate wuss with women, When men equate it with not acting manly, but you would know how men think wouldn't you. I think dating the opposite sex version of myself is just a little too self involved.

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             Lisa HWposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             If you mean my post I didn't "equate: "wuss" with women.  There's a difference between "equating" and acknwledging that's there such a thing as "wimp"/"wuss" behavior and neither gender has a monopoly on it.
             
             I don't necessarily want to date the male version of myself (personality-wise, perferences-wise, etc.).  What I do value in myself most and what I thiknk is important for everyone to be is the fact that I'm strong, solid, and not someone prone to being emotional or wimpy;.  So to me, that basic level of strength and sense is what everyone ought to have; so - yes - that's what I'd want if I were looking for someone to date.   There's a big difference between personality and things like character and/or emotional solidness.  With those "core" things I do want someone like me.  Again, I don't mean someone with the same personality as I have.   It's not self-involved to know we're strong and solid and to know that we deserve someone of equal strength and "solidness".  I don't want to be someone;'s mother or little girl.  I want someone equal and someone who knows I'm equal.

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                Scott.Lifeposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                See how different that comes across when you take a second to clarify and think about the wording. As for the question at hand I think its funny to ask why men don't express their emotions as often then have women tell them that they're wrong or somehow misguided when they do. Maybe men are just tired of being told that nothing they do is right...just a thought.
                
                maybe some men don't display their emotions of express them because when they do some women try to tell them they are wrong or somehow confused over their own feelings and thoughts.

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                Black Lillyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                Though I can not disagree with the above, I also can not agree with it.
                
                First of all, if I dated a male version of myself, that would be a catastrophic event for both. Out of the question.
                
                Equality... it's nice to be equal, but I don't want that. Why should I refuse some rights that men themselves are offering me? Why should I try to prove something if men accept me as I am, without it? If a man wants to take care of me - why shouldn't I let him do it? Why should I remain an iron lady myself if someone's offering me protection? And, getting back to the topic, taking care of a woman is also expressing a feeling for her - why not?
                
                I don't want to be equal. At all. No half and half.
                I want more

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    lyricsingrayposted 15 years ago

    men are not, I repeat not afraid to show their emotions geez! so sad to see this thread.  Sorry guys

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       lyricsingrayposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       just to repeat - had the need   Thanks

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          Leta Sposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Agreed.  Or maybe I've just been around emotional men...  lol, sometimes I'd wish for a little LESS emotion emitting, frankly.
          
          And that Mars/Venus stuff is just quote, quote, 'research' crap to sell some books.  I never did like the author.

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    K Partinposted 15 years ago

    Because sometimes the wife won't let them...... Ha!

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       lyricsingrayposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          

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    mega1posted 15 years ago

    I don't know why sometimes we women act like being all emotional is a good thing!  It most certainly can be a huge detriment and at the very least an obstacle in relationships when it comes to honest communication.  So I see that when we say men don't express their emotions we're saying they don't exaggerate their feelings the way we do, or get so easily upset the way we do and its a survival thing - if men were out there acting like we act sometimes they'd get destroyed.  I think they, for the most part, express themselves well, we just need to learn their language and to recognize their sensitivity is expressed in other ways besides tears, talk, and slamming doors.  And as for anger, they express that pretty well, you can't deny.  So which emotion did you want to see?

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       Scott.Lifeposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you...proof that men can be understood if only an effort is made.

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    sneakorocksolidposted 15 years ago

    Anytime I use my non-verbal skills to express myself I get hit. So I try to only think it.

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       lyricsingrayposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       

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    Mim.A.posted 15 years ago

    Men do not express themselves because if we do say what actualy is happening it would make women cry, instead we concur with many things that do not make any sense to us just to make women happy or else!

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    aefranciscoposted 15 years ago

    I just wonder, are they really afraid? or they just don't want to express their emotion 'coz there are others things that they prioritize?

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       Mim.A.posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Yes there are other thing we prioritize, and one of those things is not having women go very womenly when they're unhappy!

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    frogdroppingposted 15 years ago

    I'm incredibly tactile, and so is my partner. And that suits both of us just fine. It's not just saying what you feel, it's showing it. And for me, that's important.
    
    I'm the same with all those that I care about - even my now grown children know how much I love them.
    
    I agree with many others re men versus women. My mother is cold hearted. In fact she's quite horrible about it. Yet my dad is one of the most loving people I've ever known.
    
    I'm thinking it's an individual thing - not quite so much a male/female thing

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    Will Apseposted 15 years ago

    It's surprising how many poets, painters, philosophers and artists of all kinds, are men.

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    tksenseiposted 15 years ago

    Not afaid. We just do so differently.

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    chigoiykeposted 15 years ago

    Generally, some are, while others are not. Thats the set-up

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    ralwusposted 15 years ago

    I have never had any problems with it, it's my women who sometimes don't understand me or my needs which are many.

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    prettydarkhorseposted 15 years ago

    I believe if women are not their priorities  at the moment and they told you that, leave them alone, men sometimes are afraid to express themselves because they dont want to be rejected also, and they dont want to fail as well

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    mega1posted 15 years ago

    Have you ever heard the term "emotional blackmail"? It means when someone acts out emotions, exaggerating their feelings, in order to get something they want from others.  It is a passive-aggressive behavior that infiltrates relationships and makes it very hard to have honest communication.  When someone says "don't bring me down" they are reacting to this emotional blackmail.  I think people of both sexes do this kind of thing and call it "expressing themselves"  when they are really just using emotions to manipulate, control, or get something from you.  It is insidious and I wish there could be a law against it!  If you examine emotions coming from another with this insight in mind you'll be surprised how often someone is manipulating you with emotions.  It may change how much you will want that person to "show" their emotions because maybe they aren't really feeling these things so intensely!

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       Mim.A.posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I think you're just too controlling! No offense, just an advise!

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          mega1posted 15 years agoin reply to this

          "controlling"? You have misunderstood my entire post here - or you are just demonstrating what emotional blackmail is all about!

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    Lyricsnlinesposted 15 years ago

    I didn't say ALL men were unemotional.  I am not being degrading to men and to further complicate this statement is to incorporate their backgrounds.  Culture plays a huge role in forming personalities, but still there are some general psychological issues as well.  I also stated that sometimes the roles are reversed, that is to say that some men are more emotional than the female.   My son's father is that way, but that wasn't the thing for me...I'm too strong of a woman and I felt like he was acting like a _____! 
    
    All I need is for him to say, I love you, I miss you, can't wait to see you and stuff like that...I don't need all that other stuff, but that is just ME!!!
    
    No disrespect! It's all love!

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    ycw24posted 14 years ago

    I agree that men are just as emotional as women because my husband shows his emotions in different ways..Some men show emotions through anger, When my husband wants something from me like food or anything that I may have he does this cute little puppy dog look and I give in to it all the time, But when I don't do what he tells me he gets angry...Some men hide there emotions because some of us as women are too crazy to hear them out...I hear women everyday say they want a good man but as soon as they get them they don't treat them right so they hide in a shell...But men also give some women a hard time when they don't express themselves when all we want to do is not only be the woman for you but your best friend as well

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