Do you believe that couples should live together before marriage?

1. 70

   Anselomeposted 11 years ago

   Do you believe that couples should live together before marriage?
   
   I personally believe that couples should live together before marriage because it allows them to see how they fare living in the same space daily. Are you in agreement? Why or why not?

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   kereeves3posted 11 years ago

   I think couples should live together before they decide to get married.  It is very important to learn how your partner lives in order to fully understand who they are.

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      Anselomeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I agree 100%. Nice short answer! Right to the point!

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   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   No I don't think so.  I believe that marriage is about love, a love so strong and intense that you cannot consider anything but marriage. Going into marriage is about one's heart and not about weather they leave the toilet seat up or are messy.  All of those things can come together when you marry and are in love.
   
   Old fashioned?  Yes, but spoken with some experience. I've been married 42 years and only knew my husband 4 months when we married.  Were there surprises? - oh yeah!  But we worked them out together.

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      Anselomeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Nothing wrong with old fashioned beliefs. A lot of those beliefs are the reason why our society is the way it is. Are they all perfect? No! Do we work at it? Of course! Issues and surprises happen in any relationship. Work at it to succeed!

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   lburmasterposted 11 years ago

   Yes. Just to see how they cope together and that the relationship will not be all hearts and flowers after marriage.

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   Rayne123posted 11 years ago

   I am in agreement. Today some do not even get married if it is working well the way it is.  Why fix it if it isnt broken right.
   
   However not sure if living together is a sin, although I have done it for years with my ex. Being spiritual and living in Gods will I value a marriage. However living together for years is also to be valued.
   
   I guess its up to both parties. If they decide they are fine living together, who is anyone to say other words. I think living together would be easier without children, after that, maybe I could see the marriage thing as more sacred..
   
   But all in all I dont see anything wrong with it
   Laurie

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      Anselomeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I don't believe there is anything wrong with it either. Marriage is a big step and both parties should know 100% when they go that route. If you're going to spend the rest of your life with them you should be comfy living together. Well said.

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   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   Personally speaking, I'd say absolutely!
   I believe in trying to reduce the odds of having too many "surprises". Having said that I believe life is a personal journey and therefore anyone who wants to marry without living together should follow their desires. The same goes for avoiding premarital sex.
   However there are still these myths about people who live together.
   1. They aren't likely to get married. The truth is (most relationships) don't lead to marriage! If they did we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts!
   2. Another fact overlooked is 52% of all weddings today take place between couples that have lived together. Apparently it has nothing to do with getting milk for free or buying cows. A wedding takes place when (both people) want to get married!
   3. Another major myth is people who live together tend to get divorced more than those who don't. Simple math would tell you if most people that get married have (lived) together than it's only natural that most people who get divorced probably lived together first! One could easily deduce that couples with two legs each get divorced at higher rate than couples that have one leg each!
   I've never known any divorced person blame their failed marriage on having premarital sex or living together. The bottom line is marriage is an "at will" contract and if someone decides they no longer want to be with their mate then it's over. 
   The number one cause for divorce in my opinion is and always has been; selecting the wrong mate for one's self.

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      Anselomeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Great answer Scorpio! Valid points! I agree with you about selecting the wrong mate. People get divorced because they jump into marriage before they truly know their spouse. Sex before marriage doesn't necessarily lead to divorce either. Great answer

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   rhondakimposted 11 years ago

   I think it is very dangerous to get married in the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship, when you only see the positive attributes of your partner and feel you could never be mad at him/her.  So it's far better to ease out of that phase, into a more realistic one, by living together and getting a preview of what your life will be like.  I myself have lived with someone for 14 years and if we ever get married (not sure that I want to), I know exactly what I'd be getting.  I feel like the main difference would be that we wouldn't have that option of leaving so quickly whenever there is a conflict.

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      Anselomeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Couldn't've said it better myself. Too many couples jump in while they're still in this phase and by the time they start to realize that their partner has flaws, they either have to accept them or divorce. Well said. Thanks for the share!

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   Suriel3000posted 11 years ago

   Yes, it is a way to learn more about your partner. Also, if you can take the best and worse living conditions of your partner's habits, personality, lifestyle, and energy vibe, you can handle the marriage.

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   Borsiaposted 11 years ago

   I would never even consider marriage if we hadn't lived together for at least a few years.
   You really don't know someone until you have cohabited and love can go flat in a hurry if you aren't compatible in bed and in domestic situations, no matter how long you date. This is even true if you have an active sex life.

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      Anselomeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Well said. Living together does offer you the opportunity to deal with domestic situations that would be experienced during a marriage. If you can handle them well for a long time, then you may consider marriage and have it be successful.

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10. 83

    tsmogposted 11 years ago

    Not sure. I tend to go with cultural views first. Many times living together first is a cultural consideration. That does not answer the question's question of "Do you Believe . . . ." That answer is absolutely not. However, I admit I just may be odd.
    
    I go by what I have read and studied of many things and life experiences. I tend to lean toward culture much more swiftly than religion and societal norms of the big picture. Or, at times the Nitty - Gritty dirt band of things (a little humor) is family tends to win out over most all, yet there are exceptions with the another. That requires communication skills. 
    
    The point being I do believe of Love. Not in, of as the emphasis. Personally as a perspective there is difference. With Christian theology being the closest of experience with relationships most would recognize it states somewhere something about being equally yoked. For me, while not necessarily of any other or another, means in agreement of this and that. What is odd is that means evens wins and odds looses. Therefore if not equally as so, then must be one less and one more.
    
    Ponder. How to become equal. With the understanding of theology I have which may be construed or pointed out emphatically as incorrect, although not wrong, is simply the parable of such and such, Paul's description of the wedding with the example being Christ as the groom and the body of the church as the bride, the example for this individual being me is if I am more than I must become less. Simple enough.
    
    Therefore reaching that understanding while being schooled and guided in such things near to 14 years of age. I decided A) I will not become a member of a formal church as a member until I know who my bride is. I will then at time being equally yoked of Love, seek membership of that choice of her.
    
    The same = same of reasoning with living with someone or having a premarital arrangement as cohabitation prior to either the legal agreement of bound in marriage as being equally yoked or adding to the legality with the either ceremony of sacrament or ritual of her choice as first and foremost.
    
    That said, consider, the unknown and the known. Some cultures and sub-cultures do cohabit, yet never as their culture and traditions prescribe embark upon the act consummation.
    
    Dilemma? Trust me I Know of such things. It is very trying and full of tribulations. However one may learn offering experience for those that follow next. Each being not the same and such and such . . .

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       Anselomeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I'm not sure I follow... do you have an "Idiot's guide to this answer"? Or perhaps a Coles Notes?

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       tsmogposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Ahh, Coles Notes = Cliff Notes. You inquired - "believe" should. I answered "absolutely not." A long "why" as a perspective? Shorter is I "accept & acknowledge" as okay, if of her free will  + no pressure. Otherwise, is coercion? Slavery? One sid

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11. 69

    Seek-n-Findposted 11 years ago

    I'm probably in the minority here--but I'd say it's good for couple not to live together before marriage.  Living together presents a whole bunch of challenges.
     
    People who are married (I think!) are more likely to stay together and make it work then people who are dating and just "trying it out."  Commitment is a key foundational element for any relationship to be truly successful.  Living together to "see if it works" creates a mindset from the very start that says, "If I don't like this, I'm out."  There will be many times when you are highly annoyed and even don't like your significant other--especially when married.  But conflict has a positive purpose if handled in a way that makes each other better and breeds intimacy, bringing you even closer if you can work through it. 
    
    Living together before marriage, I think, sets the couple up to fail in many areas.  They may bail out when the going gets rough, as I mentioned above.  Or, they may think "this is what it will be like to be married to this person" and then be in for a surprise when they get married because even living with somebody doesn't show you what its like to be married to somebody.  The act of being married changes something in the relationship. 
    
    Then of course there are all the details of "if it doesn't work out" its much harder to deal with a break up if you are living with the person!  Some people who should break up don't because its too inconvenient or difficult because you are now living with the person. 
    
    These are some of the reasons for my answer!  Good question.

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       Anselomeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Good answer! I can see where you're coming from. I do believe that living together is better for both involved, at least financially. If you live together first, there's no divorce to pay for if it doesn't work out. Good reasoning though!

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       thefedorowsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       I agree. Even if you live together, you are still not married.  Inviting that incredible intimacy of living together into your relationship before being married invites conditional love.  Marriage is not a "try it and see if you like it" relationship

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    JimTxMillerposted 11 years ago

    That's for the couple to decide for themselves, and no one else business. Don't "should" on me, and I won't "should" on you.

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       Anselomeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Valid point, I am only interested in hearing your opinion. If you had to pick sides, which would you pick and why?

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    cintakesteeth1posted 11 years ago

    My grandmother is turning in her grave right now because not only am I living with my fiancé of five years but I am admitting it to anyone and everyone in the world. I cannot imagine going from my parents house straight to a husband and never lived with a man before other than my father. The shock of that adjustment is enough to kill a person much less a marriage. I would never get married and I would highly advice against anyone getting married before having shared a home, lifestyle, and all of your good & bad personal  habits. .There is no  way to truly know a person until you  live with them and discover weather you like that  person enough to promise the rest of your life to them.

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    ima bemedouposted 10 years ago

    I believe that two people in a relationship should make deliberate decisions to work towards the same common goal. If you coast through your relationship, like a leaf in the wind, how can you be mad at where you end up? If domestic partnership is your goal, by all means go for it. But marriage is an obligation, not a choice, and should be approached as such. Oh yeah, and it requires compromise. So I can't really think of any reason to shack up (other than sex) when you could get married and get a return on investment.

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    MasterDripperposted 9 years ago

    I completely agree - the more you know about a person the better you can decide if that person is good for you.  There are exceptions in that you if you know instinctively that person is right for you then living together will only enhance the connection - cheers

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