Is there a difference between someone being "marriage minded" and someone who wa

1. 82

   dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

   Is there a difference between someone being "marriage minded" and someone who wants to marry you?
   
   Very often you see online dating profiles (usually women), which proclaim they are (looking) for someone who is "ready to settle down" or is "marriage minded". Is finding someone who wants to get married (period) just as rewarding as dating someone who suddenly realizes (you) are "the one"?
   
   

   replyreport
2. 85

   SidKempposted 10 years ago

   As someone who is not involved in dating at all (married for almost 30 years), I'm writing from an outside perspective. But maybe that can help.
   
   For the "marriage minded" or "looking to settle down," picture a questionnaire that is given to the other person before they meet you. It asks (to put it crudely): Are you looking for one-night stands? Short relationships? Long romances? Or marriage-minded, that is, lifelong, maybe with kids? The answer reveals the person's state of mind before he meets you.
   
   For example, 33 years ago, before I met my wife, I was looking for a steady relationship, and maybe, eventually, marriage. I met my wife, and realized she was "the one," and my answer changed. Because of how I felt about her, I wanted to get married.
   
   Now, after the person meets you (I mean one second after seeing you or hearing your voice), that whole survey may be meaningless. Perhaps, one look at you, and they're in love. And yes, that is a whole different experience.
   
   So yes, what we think we want (rationally) before we meet, and what happens when we meet, those two create totally different experiences. On the flip side, if you are marriage-minded and meet through a dating service someone else who is marriage-minded, you may not click at all. That's a totally different experience than being with someone who feels, "You're the one!"

   replyreport
   1. 82

      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Great analysis. I believe the desire to marry should be driven by your (feelings for your mate) and not some arbitrary (time) one has determined. Statistically 80% of men and 87% of women eventually get married. Some do so multiple times! LOL!

      replyreport
   2. 85

      SidKempposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      What would you say to a friend, of mine, a woman, who felt it was her destiny to be married and have two children, but could not find a suitable man? She was driven by her feelings, but not by her feelings for a particular man.

      replyreport
   3. 82

      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      SidKemp, Your friend believes in "destiny". Destiny means something is ordained to happen without much effort on our part. The law of attraction at work. I don't believe it replaces the law of action. :-) Not many of us live the life we imagined.

      replyreport
   4. 85

      SidKempposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Dashing I wasn't clear. Destiny for her & me is inner guidance with passion to do a certain thing. What does a woman who feels called to, & passionate about, marrying & having two children do if she has no passionate feelings towards a go

      replyreport
   5. 82

      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Passion is a strong desire. Your friend may have to accept she may not get what she wants or it will not happen as she dreamed it would. She may marry a man who has two children or marries when older and adopts two children. Faith ignores (how).

      replyreport
   6. 85

      SidKempposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks, Dashing Scorpio: It happened - not as she believed it would. But this illustrates a point above, that marriage involves multiple passions, often conflicting ones.

      replyreport
3. 60

   jaydeneposted 10 years ago

   Here is my take on this.,   I think if someone is marriage minded, or open to marry,  it just means they may be in a place to be open enough to commit to the right one.  The right one, could mean many things to an individual. 
      I think if you find you are  drawn to the person for all the good  reasons, and you are marriage minded.  it is time to ask  about the person.   
   If you know,  you know. if one of you is not on board, then   it is time to move on.  It could be that they want marriage , but just not to you.

   replyreport
   1. 82

      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Ahh but people change their minds as was in my case. I had told the world "I'm never going to get married!" (before I met my wife). LOL! I think (who) you are with determines what you want most of the time.

      replyreport