Why guys mostly leaving without a trace after few times dating?

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  1. Chocolate Lover profile image60
    Chocolate Loverposted 13 years ago

    Some friends telling me that some of guys they have been dating lately are not calling them back or never pick up the phone or never knock on their door anymore. What happen?
    I will understand if it's only short time period of hook up or One Night Stand (I hope I'm allowed to say that here).
    But the dating have been going for few months.
    Are those guys being a chicken who have no dare to say something to the women? Or they just like to play "hide and seek"? Or maybe they had the intention for doing it at the first place because they already married, engage, but they need another women to fulfill their needs without having any obligation to pay them as a prostitute. So the only way was DATING THE WOMEN!

    1. AdsenseStrategies profile image63
      AdsenseStrategiesposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Only guys? (Not that it's ever happened to me wink )

    2. Cagsil profile image75
      Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      The generalized problem you've noticed is all about the methodology for which Man forms reasoning for engaging Women. They have a different agenda than the women, for the most part.

      Women want more usually and many men don't much more than to "hit it" and walk away. If there were more men looking for a long-term relationship, it has become apparent that the women MUST hold back the one thing that Man wants from them in the first place. By the Women holding their most prized treasure, then and only then, can they determine the motives of the Man, who has engaged them.

      My other knowledge to pass on, would be in the lines, of paying attention. Example: I was in a bar one-time and I saw that this beautiful lady was sitting by herself and I watched as different Men attempted to penetrate her outside defense, so as to gain leverage. As I watched, I noticed she was taken in by some of the Men, but I also noticed she was paying close attention to them or their actions, such as little touches on the shoulder or a hand along the back. She was aware of it and I could see it on her face. So, when I saw that she was alone, I approached her and gave her the same advice I've given you here....pay attention to their eyes, hands, words, facial expressions and see things for what they are.

      I noticed she didn't leave with anyone and I could see she was safe. She came up to later in the night and she said "Thank You" very much. That gave my a very high spiritual boost to my own Integrity and I knew what I did was honest, and in the best interest of her safety.

      I hope I helped. big_smile

      1. Chocolate Lover profile image60
        Chocolate Loverposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        Thank you for your explanation... But sometimes those guys are not playing their games in the first place. As I told earlier they have been dating for few months and then he disappeared without a trace.... It's not a quick connection at the first place... That's the point on this thread...

        1. Cagsil profile image75
          Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          But, my point was that their intentions can be read before you get to that point. Yes, there are lots of men who carry on a relationship, for their own means, and then leave women high and dry with no explanation. The same user 'type' guys are obvious and can be stopped in their tracks.

          These 'guys' you are talking about are 'players' and nothing more. They have you when they want you, and when they get bored, they disconnect and not bother anymore. Don't be surprised if one of them comes to you later and seek to snuggle back into the relationship for which they had. This isn't a game to be played, it is real life, with real feelings that are being played with, for the amusement of egotistical males, who are confident that they can get and possess any women and make it for what they want. These men are sad and pathetic, and can never form a true relationship and most likely will end up alone.

          Thank you for your response and I hope I have cleared up my position on the topic at hand. Have a great day! big_smile

          1. Chocolate Lover profile image60
            Chocolate Loverposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Hi again,

            Yes, now I fully understand what you meant. So, with other words, could I say that it's not easy to trust guy in a first place, even with his magical words they have... It would still a big question mark of their intention then... That would be so depressing for most women in this world if there are too many guys like this...
            Any way, I will show this post to some of my female friends so they can be aware of this issue....
            Thanks again for your help....


      2. profile image0
        zampanoposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        nothing to say here...

        1. profile image0
          zampanoposted 13 years agoin reply to this
    3. seyiari profile image60
      seyiariposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      one of the things that makes most relationship to come to an end is as a result of pre marital sex. the fact is once a guy get into you he gets tired of you.

      1. Chocolate Lover profile image60
        Chocolate Loverposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        It's that happen all the time?????? And do you think that women can do the same to guys, without them blaming women as a slut or any bad image???? If not, what a unfair for women then.....

    4. realtalk247 profile image81
      realtalk247posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Reasons: Gave it up too soon thinking it would seal the deal and you played yourself. (doesn't respect you or thinks you're easy or he knows he didn't earn it and your believed all the b.s. he dished out so you aren't very bright to be considered long term)
      He wasn't feeling you
      You came off desperate. I've known women that have a date and by the mornning they have already sent the guy 3 messages and called. They don't let the guy feel them or check to see if the attractioin was mutual.
      He just didn't like you
      He is dating someone else who's more compatible or he enjoys their company  more (luck of the draw)
      He's in a relationship and didn't tell you.

  2. JBeadle profile image76
    JBeadleposted 13 years ago

    I can't address the "leavers" as I've been married 25 years and with my wife since HS but I know that a lot of guys are just after "the prize" and once they get it - they move on.  Which is a good thing.  I'd say don't care and good riddence if they leave early.  They did you a favor.  Stay true to yourself and don't give "the prize" out until you are sure this person is really interested in you, all of you - not just the physical.  I know the draw of physical can be strong and one nights stands are fine I guess (I've never done one) as long as both parties understand it and no one gets hurt.  Be truthful, don't play games and just listen to that voice in your head - the cautious one!  If they guy is good, he'll stick around and you'll be all the better for it.

  3. bojanglesk8 profile image59
    bojanglesk8posted 13 years ago

    Very few are sincere and trustable.

  4. Chocolate Lover profile image60
    Chocolate Loverposted 13 years ago


    Congratulation for you who are success with your marriage... Not so many couple are success in their marriage that long now days... I agree with your statement by saying that it would be better for them (guys) to leave before everything going too far. But It would be great for women who are stay in their strong vow by not giving all over to the guy before she is sure he will be the one. But sometimes the "assholes" playing their games to get what they need. As far as I heard from my pooling of some women, most of these women just looking for the pure and long lasting relationship, they said because there are no reason for them to risk their credibility or broken heart with that. Some even said they could get pregnant because of it. Prostitute doesn't count because they never involve feeling on it.
    Is that because guys would never get any consequences if they are doing it? Like they would never get pregnant, they would even called as a cool guy because they could foolish lots of women, or maybe they will feel happy because they could do "such things" without any obligation to pay or even responsible for anything??

    1. JBeadle profile image76
      JBeadleposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I did fail to mention that I am an ahole too and yes some of that success was due to her sticking by me.  The main success was that there was enough real unconditional love to get us over the bumps.

  5. Chocolate Lover profile image60
    Chocolate Loverposted 13 years ago

    To Bojanglesk8,

    That's what I have seen so far... I can even count with my only one hand fingers.... Pity....

  6. profile image0
    Scott.Lifeposted 13 years ago

    I would suggest that your friends start looking for men in different places. What's that thing that they say about doing the same thing over again and expecting different results, it's insanity. I hear this alot from my female friends and even on girls here on Hubpages, and after some careful examination the culprit usually becomes apparent. Most women become locked into a certain type of guy. There are usually some minor variations on this but the theme remains the same and the outcome is usually the same.

    There are millions of good guys out there seeking committed relationships and love, you just have to open your eyes to them and start looking in different places. Most importantly learn to be patient. Many of my buddies have commented that over the past few years the girls wanting serious relationships are getting younger and in more of a rush for it. They're wanting serious commitment after a month or more and driving the guys they know away with their impatience. there was a time not long ago when people dated awhile before settling on one person then dated that person for years before marrying. in the age of internet dating though we want happiness and we want it now, there's no patience or willingness to work for it.

    1. tantrum profile image60
      tantrumposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      The World is in a rush

    2. Chocolate Lover profile image60
      Chocolate Loverposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Scott,

      Thanks for the reply....
      The point in this case was not how to find a guy, it's probably happened before the dating period going.... But the point was, they have been dating few months, like I said, few times.... So it's not a first flirting or introducing between 2 strangers anymore.... At least in that time period of dating they have been talking a lot and I'm sure some of them are getting to know each other... Even if the guy finally ended by thinking it would work, but I think it would be fair enough if those guys telling the women the truth. I just don't agree by being "chicken" or acting like someone who has no manner and respect to others.... That's all....
      But thanks anyway for the input....

      1. profile image0
        Scott.Lifeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        I think you missed the point, if you don't want to find yourself in the situation you describe then it is important that you are careful in the kind of guy you meet and start a relationship with. These things don't just happen overnight and as Cagsil alluded to there are always signs. Guys don't just change overnight and if you really think that how it begins has no bearing on how it ends you're lying to yourself. Beyond guys being honest, women need to be honest with themselves about the character and intentions of the guy their with. I hear so many of you talk about not trusting men and their sweet words yet every time you fall for it again, who's to blame then? Start taking a little responsibility for your own relationship choices and you'll stop being disappointed, by BS and smooth talking. I've yet to meet any woman who said afterward that there weren't signs and little nagging issues that they questioned about the guy they were with. So either they saw the signs but refused to face facts because they didn't want to be alone or they are lying and are truly clueless, which one is it?

        1. Chocolate Lover profile image60
          Chocolate Loverposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Ok, so in the other word I could say that, guys might not feel fit with that relationship after few times dating and just left, but women wouldn't take that as a sign that he is not the right one for her, like you said : women might lie or too blind to see the sign. It could be happen. Sometimes one side feel fit, but the other side don't. That make sense. But I think it would be better if both party saying the truth to each other no matter it would be bad or good news. It's about the respect of the first start. Start in a good way, and ended with a good way too...

  7. Dame Scribe profile image60
    Dame Scribeposted 13 years ago

    I tell my daughter, if the guy is more interested in taking your clothes off, throw him out. Her brothers will also let the guy know, 'don't mess with my sister.' wink

    1. AdsenseStrategies profile image63
      AdsenseStrategiesposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      That's a mite severe

  8. tantrum profile image60
    tantrumposted 13 years ago

    Well, I was always interested in taking the clothes off the guys!
    and I'm a daughter lol

  9. Dame Scribe profile image60
    Dame Scribeposted 13 years ago

    My daughter ends up with a b/f who treats her well in the end and that is our goal for her smile what's so wrong with that?

    1. tantrum profile image60
      tantrumposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      i hope you're not mad at me. I was only joking ! Even what I said is true ! lol

      1. Dame Scribe profile image60
        Dame Scribeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        Why be mad about something I agree with wink shh...dont tell, some guys look great with no clothes wink like male strippers lol

        1. tantrum profile image60
          tantrumposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          I might show this post to your daughter ! lol

    2. AdsenseStrategies profile image63
      AdsenseStrategiesposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      You're right -- on my first reading I skipped over the word "more" wink

    3. rebekahELLE profile image86
      rebekahELLEposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      absolutely nothing! you're teaching her right. the good guys are out there. smile

      anybody can have a fling, and now more dangerous than before.

  10. prettydarkhorse profile image56
    prettydarkhorseposted 13 years ago

    tantrums daughter is beautiful like her,

    men would not follow up after first date because they are still thinking about it, dont rush them, if not maybe they are busy, or simply, they arent impressed, just wait for it, dont rush them...

  11. bozzie123 profile image60
    bozzie123posted 13 years ago

    In my opinion and personal experience, its nearly always the girl that messes me around, i dont do anything wrong

    1. AdsenseStrategies profile image63
      AdsenseStrategiesposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I have a couple of hubs on this topic -- I don't claim to be any kind of aficionado... welllll.... maaybbeee

    2. Chocolate Lover profile image60
      Chocolate Loverposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Why do you think it's happen?

  12. Adopt-a-Dog profile image68
    Adopt-a-Dogposted 13 years ago


  13. Adopt-a-Dog profile image68
    Adopt-a-Dogposted 13 years ago

    Left without a trace, But is it also not true bout gals?

    1. Black Lilly profile image59
      Black Lillyposted 13 years agoin reply to this


      I did that many times - just disappeared without a trace. The only thing this means is I don't like him/don't like him anymore, and do not want to engage into explanation of reasons behind that.

  14. profile image0
    lyricsingrayposted 13 years ago

    wasn't meant to be.

  15. Colebabie profile image60
    Colebabieposted 13 years ago

    Because they just don't care.

    And they were probably dating more than just one woman.

  16. Colebabie profile image60
    Colebabieposted 13 years ago

    I can't believe there are two pages on this topic.

  17. profile image55
    eldritchposted 13 years ago

    Here's what most women do to attract men: hang around in bars or clubs, often with other women, and flick their hair and stuff. That is pretty much a guaranteed way to only attract men who after sex. First, you only ultra-confident alpha male types approaching you because approaching a strange woman takes enormous courage on the part of a man, something very few woman understand or appreciate. Second, the only likely motivation a man will have in that situation is sex. He doesn't know you. He is attracted to you only because of how you look.
    For a woman who is constantly getting blown out after a few dates I'd consider whether you are selling yourself right or going for the right type of man. You need to focus on guys you actually have some kind of non-sexual connection with, otherwise there is no reason for the guy to stick around after. Instead of being passive seek out attractive men at, say, church, book clubs, music festivals, whatever.

  18. donotfear profile image85
    donotfearposted 13 years ago

    This used to happen to me all the time. Always thought it was me, but it wasn't. It was simply the familiar kinda guy I was attracted to: one who wasn't emotionallly there for me or was abandoning, though I never saw it at the time cause I ignored the warning signs. Call it "self-fulfilled prophecy". Until I learned what healthy traits to look for in a potential love interest, it was the same old pattern. After about 2 months, boom, disappear!  Like, "Oh, never mind....were we serious? Gee, did I get you that lovely engagement ring"..Duh! It was always so hard to get over it. But I did find one I could trust, after I learned what the healthy traits were.


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