Does an open relationship add spice to a marriage?

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   csmiravite-blogsposted 9 years ago

   Does an open relationship add spice to a marriage?
   
   

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2. 70

   dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

   
   
   It's been said: "Variety is the spice of life".
   However most people get married because they've found "the one" and have no desire to {share} her or him with anyone else.
   Both cheating and "open relationships" are often last ditch efforts for people to {stay} in or tolerate marriages are unhappy with.
   However they don't believe whatever it is that causes them unhappiness rises to the level of running down to the courthouse to file for a divorce.
   I suspect it would be rare for (both people) in a marriage to be "gung ho" about the prospects of having an "open marriage". Most likely one is going along to appease the other. Some couples establish "rules".
   No having sex with their spouse's friends, family members, co-workers, or anyone they know, no conceiving children with others, no bringing others into their bedroom, and various other rules.
   However just as they once promised to "forsake all others" there's always the chance one of them will want to change "the rules" again. Another possibility is one of the people may fall "in love" with someone they're seeing and decide they want a divorce. For them it was the equivalent of having a job while searching for a new job.
   I believe the best "open marriages" are probably between a couple who is essentially "emotionally divorced" and have chosen to stay together for financial or other reasons. In other instances one of them may have a health issue which prevents them from having sex and they opt to agree to have their mate continue to have sex with others.
   However if you are still "in love" with someone just the thought of them doing things to other women/men is likely to upset you.
   Being "in love" and "married" comes with degrees of possessiveness.

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   1. 61

      fpherj48posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Hey dashing...Are your neighbors aware you are snapping photos through their bedroom window??   Looks like a happy, carefree group!  LOL

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      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Actually that's me on the right end!
      A group selfie.
      Too funny!

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      fpherj48posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      (Thank you so much for using discretion and not mentioning on a public forum that that's me next to you)  My peeps aren't ready for that disclosure right now.  Especially since I only left the convent 6 weeks ago.  Ya know?

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3. 83

   gmwilliamsposted 9 years ago

   
   
   For some people, yes.  There are people who aren't monogamous by nature.  They contend that just because they are married, such a marriage shouldn't preclude them from seeing other people.   They further argue that it is far better to have an open relationship than to covertly go behind their partners' back and cheat.  They maintain that most people cheat in their marriages anyway but maintain a hypocritical stance of faithfulness for social approval.  They assert that such people are hypocrites, explaining that at least, they are honest enough to have an open relationship.
   
   There are others who are adamantly against having an open relationship.  To them, such relationships are an affront to the true definition of marriage which is fidelity to the one until death does one part.  They contend that THE VERY WORST thing couples can do is to go outside the bonds of marriage and have an affair.  To such people, this is equivalent to the greatest moral transgression.  They see it as totally unforgivable, even damnable.
   
   Then there are those who believe in situational open relationships.  They may feel that their partner is not up to it anymore so rather than divorce their partner, they indulge in open relationships.  They rationalize that the person w/whom they are having the affair with means nothing, it is just a dalliance in their eyes and the main love is their partner.  Also, some people may indulge in an open relationship because their partner is disabled and unable to have sex. That open relationship is a way to relieve the sexual frustration.

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4. 61

   fpherj48posted 9 years ago

   "spice?"   "open relationship?"   "MARRIAGE.??"
   
   I know this concept/practice exists everywhere for any number of couples.  I am not naive nor unaware.  However...............
   
   This is not something that would or could even enter my thought process. Frankly, it sickens me, causes sadness and disgust.....not to mention that I don't believe anyone would be able to "justify" this choice, appropriately enough for me to understand or accept. 
   I'm willing to admit, it's probably ME.....I simply do NOT get it.  Besides, I don't feel a need to get it.  This form of activity in a marriage is to me totally contrary to everything committed relationships are intended to be.  OXYMORONISH??   Sounds very much like dropping a nuclear bomb onto a marriage.  Again...what do I know?
   
   Call me an old-fashioned, Puritanical prude.....that's fine.  Say what you will.  I'm seriously holding back what I really want to say.  (It's not pretty)
   
   I suppose, if people are INCLINED to bring this into their marriage, it's their choice and who's to stop them?  For spice?  To "SAVE" an otherwise dull, unhappy marriage?"   Wow....that one stumps the hell out of me.  I have a healthy imagination...but hard as I try, I cannot imagine this doing one single positive thing for a "marriage."......
   
   I wonder why 2 people can't just be painfully honest and admit what this truly says about  them?   Must I say it?  Nah.....I won't bother.

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      PurvisBobbi44posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with Paula and add that open-marriages might be a fad; which in the end only produces heartache and distrust between two people; whether they admit it or not. I would kick any man to the curb who wanted an open-marriage. It's called Adultery.

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      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Adultery is having sex with someone other than one's spouse. Infidelity or cheating on the other hand is (secretly) having sex with others. Those seeking an "open marriage" I suspect want to cut out the {lying part} which constitutes cheating.

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   3. 61

      fpherj48posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Ah...dashing my ever-rational, learned friend.  Wonderful "descriptions" (or WORDS) & we need to thank you 4 UR input. U & I both know ALL can be calmly explained & THEN rejected! LOL Hey..U should run for office!!  Have a good day!

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   4. 70

      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Paula, You're a riot! LOL!
      Enjoy the rest of your weekend too!

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5. 53

   peter565posted 9 years ago

   It depends on problem, what work for one couple, won't work for another.

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   1. 61

      fpherj48posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Hmmm...uH-Huh....Then again, maybe it just won't work.  Period.

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6. 75

   Inspired to writeposted 9 years ago

   Well, not really, &/or maybe, yes?
   
   A marriage is a vow, a pact between two people who both agree to be faithful to only each other.
   
   Then again, maybe one partner is incapable of giving physical (sexual) love (for what ever reason) and both partners do not wish to break apart (because of their love/connection for each other) (or for some other reason) so that the 'joint decision' to 'play around' with another is vital for the remaining (sexualized) partner to get her or his orgasms.
   
   Additionally, to be desired sexually.
   
   Then, this should be fine so long as both partners of the marriage, agree, first-hand
   
   Where the 'spice' is concerned, unfortunately the fire dwindles, compared to what you both once had for each other, and the urge for sexual release is a normal human response that needs to be fulfilled, as is the need to be desired by others.
   
   One route to try is to introduce the non-sexualized partner to real education/information about what their partner wants and needs, (if they are capable of sexual acts)
   
   As this is a lesson in life that one must seek out because it is not normally taught in mainstream education

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7. 75

   jlparkposted 9 years ago

   If it's your cup of tea AND your spouses, then it could.
   
   Personally, it wouldn't add spice to my relationship as we wouldn't be into it, and it takes both people in the relationship to be accepting of it, or it's basically cheating.
   
   I do know people in poly-relationships - where there is more than one partner - but it is shared by the other partners - for example there is one I know of (a well known author has one) - there is two females, and two males in the relationship. Intially it was just her and her husband, then the other couple came along (they were a couple prior to the meeting) - they now all live together, and it all goes swimmingly.
   
   Does it add spice to their relationships? I don't know, she's never said.
   
   I also know people who's open relationships didn't work - jealousy crept in because one was having more relationships than the other - so they cut it off, and are happily together monogamously now.
   
   It wouldn't work for me, but as long as no-one is being hurt or coerced, and all are of consenting age - who am I to judge?

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