Because I believe that love is a decision and not an emotion only, marriage can have equal passion and validity under both systems of choice. But in order for the passion to grow and the emotional commitment to grow, some things must be understood. First and foremost, marriage is a covenant before God and not just a contract between families. In Bible times, caring fathers would try to make a good match. Their choice would not be just for superficial reasons of economics and peace with neighbors but they also would consider a partner that they thought would be best for the daughter. The father knew that a choice for his daughter would be for life and that is a great responsibility. If the man ended up mistreating his daughter, she would blame him in her heart for the rest of her life. No loving father would want his daughter to hate him in her heart. So they did consider looks and bearing and finances and kindness and wisdom, his relationship with God. They would try to see the big picture and make it so there would be a good chance that real love and passion would grow. That chance of love and passion happened only with two people that tried to make it work. American society cannot understand the concept. Bible students are compelled to understand how that system works because so much of the Bible stories and lessons are framed in that system of marriage choice. Our "marriage" to Christ is framed in that same system of reference, upon the Jewish marriage system of ancient times.
The daughter had to understand that this was her husband and she would do her best to treat him with love and give the relationship a chance. The man had to understand this woman he didn't know was his wife for the rest of his life. Kindness and respect is needed in either system to foster life-long trust and devotion. People in our American system fall in and out of "love" all time. Does that mean that biological attraction is really all that is necessary to pick a mate to last a lifetime? Our divorce rates tell the truth. Yet as an American I have a hard time visualizing having a stranger thrust into my life and reconciling that this person is now my wife for life, but I understand that such arrangements have been the best ones in the Biblical past, so it makes me wonder.
