What do you prefer : Arrange or Love Marriage ?

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   M K Paulposted 12 years ago

   Presently I am writing a hub relate to marriage, so what is your choice and what do you prefer, Arrange marriage or Love Marriage?

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      Perry the Catposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      For a cat it's all about arranged marriages.  We are bred like cattle.  If humans had any respect for us as individuals, we'd have choice in who we want to marry.  Still, breeding programs produce beautiful children.

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      Perry the Catposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Personally, I think that there is value in arranged marriages.  In the old model, people living in a small town knew one another very well.  The families are extended and adults watch the children grow into men and women.  Before travel was as easy as it is today, arranging a marriage between people from different towns was a way to refresh the gene pool and raise the population. 
      These young people didn't have a chance to meet many people who lived in different towns.  Travel was difficult and fraught with peril.  Often, arranged marriages were the best way to find mates for the young people in the family.  And not all arranged marriages were completed.  If the couple didn't get along, they wouldn't marry.  Although there were plenty of cultures that demanded marriage no matter what the prospective bride and groom thought of one another. 
      And in an agricultural environment where men run the farm and women run the home, the division of tasks required cooperation.  It's true that you have to be friends in order to stay married.  Couples would go into a life together with the task of surviving and raising children.  Cooperation was the most valuable asset a couple could have.  If they were matched by people who knew them to people they could respect and cooperate with, their lives were successful.  And, as many people know, love can come later.
      As for cats, well, I neuter and spay them so they can partner with whom they please.
      Perry's Mom

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      Perry the Catposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      It would be good to hear from someone who actually had been in an arranged marriage.

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         Pearldiverposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Mine was Arranged for me... by a man with a shotgun!
         
         Believe me...
         Duress is no easier endured simply because you know the other party!

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            Perry the Catposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Yikers!  But did you have no contact with your bride before the wedding?

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               Pearldiverposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               ONO.... the gun was involved because apparently.... I had had too much contact with her!

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      jacharlessposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Singularity. Alas, am in a love marriage that is constantly being arranged and rearranged by my better half. c'est la vie...

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   kirstenblogposted 12 years ago

   I cannot imagine being happy in a loveless marriage I was forced into. I can imagine developing an interest in undetectable poisons tho

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      Perry the Catposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      My kinda gal!

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   Daughter Of Maatposted 12 years ago

   lol @ kirsten nice!! I could see that happening too if I was in an arranged marriage.
   
   The problem with arranged marriage is that the marriage was typically arranged to improve the political and/or social standing of the families being joined by the marriage. It's essentially slavery. I'd probably commit suicide rather than be forced into a marriage.
   
   I'm not a big advocate of marriage, although I do think everyone should have the right to get married. Personally, marriage (to me) is a belittlement of the emotion love. Love can't be bound by a contract. I don't think two people truly in love really need to make their committment "official" with a marriage, the committment is between the two of them. But that's just me.
   
   So if I had to choose, I'd choose the marriage for love.

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      kirstenblogposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I feel pretty much the same, and find that even in a marriage for love one or both parties can still wind up with a growing curiosity to learn more about poisons. Then again, love can be a difficult and tricky emotion, I am not always sure people know what it is but will say they are in love when in fact they are in lust or in love with the idea of love...

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         Daughter Of Maatposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I agree!! I think a lot of it has to do with the way Hollywood portrays love. It's not all bliss and roses and happily ever after. Eventually, the novelty wears off and you're left with just the relationship. That's when you figure out if you need the poison or not...
         
         I think that concept of happily-ever-after that hollywood has jammed down our throats has made the majority of people confused on what love really is. So, instead of actually being in love, they are either in lust, or in love with the hollywood idea of love.

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            kirstenblogposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Spot on! While I have no problem with divorce I do think that this goes a long way to explaining why there are so many divorces these days. It is hard to take seriously the work a marriage requires when your image of what marriage should be comes out of a disney or hollywood film. I think people get married with far to little thought and then get out (divorce) after doing about the same amount of work. Happily ever after only lasts as long as it takes for the first shared bills to arrive

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               Perry the Catposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               I blame Walt Disney for the fall of Western Civilization

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      Dr Poojaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Love marriage also brings surprises just like arranged marriage .When we spend time with a person for few hours a day both are at their best but when it comes to sharing a space with the same person 24hrs 7days a week conflicts arise. I think weshould be ready to give each space,time  and respect each other as indiviuals to make any marriage work   whether love or arranged.

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         Daughter Of Maatposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Indeed living with someone is hard work, but I think it's a little easier when you choose to do it rather than being forced into it. I could be wrong though!

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            kirstenblogposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            I also question how much respect would be in a marriage where one or both parties were forced into it. I wouldn't respect anyone who thought it their right to force me to marry them.

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               Daughter Of Maatposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               Indeed! Pus there's also the issue of would it be considered rape? You obviously aren't consenting to marry the person...

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                  kirstenblogposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  I think in those parts of the world where arranged marriages are the norm it's never rape if your married. Then again rape does seem to be treated with a huge level of suspicion in these same areas. This idea that a woman was asking for it by not being modest enough seems enough to absolve men of taking any responsibility for their frankly disgusting actions. I guess its my culture here showing itself but I really think a person should be responsible for themselves totally. A woman being naked is no excuse for rape, let alone wearing a mini skirt or whatever. Sure she may be on the prowl for a man, but that doesn't mean she wants just any man! Then again, this all starts to go off on similar but decidedly different topics surrounding the difference between the culture I grew up with and the cultures of others.

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               Perry the Catposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               Remember, men too were forced to marry.  If he got a wife who was a harridan or lazy or cruel, he was just as screwed as the woman who got a man who enjoyed beating or belittling his wife.  If he was lazy, they didn't eat.  If he was a drunkard, he couldn't keep a job and drank  up the profits.  But for men, having a wife who was slovenly or unschooled in the household arts, who had a mental illness, who could not bear children, these were all things he would have to live with. 
               And divorce was not an option back then.  In fact, divorce was illegal in Ireland until 1997. 
               And anyone who has ever married someone they work with has gone through the same process as people who learn to love their spouses.  First they earn your respect, then your love.

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      Thelma Albertsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I had a distant relative who was forced to get married when I was a child. She ends up killing herself after a few months of her marriage when she was alone while her husband was on the farm. When her husband came home, he found his wife wearing her wedding dress lying on bed with a smile, dead. She took the rat poison. That was horible! I don´t like arranged marriage.

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   Missing Linkposted 12 years ago

   love.  arranged marriage in "the west" is extremely rare

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   kirstenblogposted 12 years ago

   I wonder how many goats I would be worth?
   Probably not many

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   Super Luxposted 12 years ago

   definitely love marriage.  i know that sometimes we learn to love another person especially if that person is easy to love.  but marrying someone you already love is still the best choice for me.  you can endure all things when you love someone.    it's hard enough to adjust to someone you love, i cant imagine spending  your everyday to someone who was just arranged for you to marry.

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   Cagsilposted 12 years ago

   The only true path for marriage is based on love. To have an arranged marriage isn't healthy or even wise because love has to grow. Love will not grow if you are with someone who you don't want to be with to start off.

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   Thelma Albertsposted 12 years ago

   I would prefer love marriage for life would be easier to handle when there´s problem on your being married. "Love conquers all", as what we always heard or read it somewhere. You´ll be happy taking care of someone you love like your husband or wife.

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