ive done both,.... both disapoint in the end,... its akin to being asked if you would rather be shot or stabbed to death.
Either one would leave you feeling empty. The perfect scenario is to love the one you're with and know that you are loved back.
The goal is to have both of them be the same person. With over 7 billion people in the world the odds are in your favor there is more than one person who is everything you want in a mate and he would also see you as being "the one".
Don't force yourself to settle because of your (present) circumstances.
Having said that it is unlikely any man would ask you to marry him if he did not love you! Therefore if the man (you) love has proposed to you then it's because he loves you.
Oftentimes we have our own expectations of what it feels like to be loved. If someone doesn't do, say, or behave the way (we) want to be loved we feel "unloved". You have to know yourself well enough to know whether or not you can accept the (way) they love you and be happy.
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships; we either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have.
i came across your other post about your daughter being molested and it was very sad to read. i was also a victim of molesting when i was 5 and it scarred for a very long time. I got married at 18 to a guy who wasnt all that great but I stayed for 9 years until I finally left him. i was lonely for 9 months and decided to talk to him again using txt msg. it stated out really nicely becuz i just wanted closure. he said all the right things and i got sucked in again. he was very abusive especially when he was drunk and really wanted anything to do with me and my son but i thought this time would be different. he told me he got help that he's much better now and i took the bait. we had lunch a couple of times and i eventually went back with him. i didn't want our son to have a different father and i didnt want to be alone. he had also lost a lot of weight and was looking very good. i thought that meant he also changed on the inside. boy was i wrong! i soon realize he changed his appearance only for other girls and he didnt change on the inside at all. the help that he supposedly got was one of those breatholizer things that you have to install in your car because of DUIs. by the time i accepted all this, it was 2 years later and we had a baby girl. what made me finally realize to leave was he started to turn his violence on our son cause he was older now. the night i left was on our daughters birthday and i never look back was when he slammed my son and broke his arm. i decided then that i wasnt going to do that to me or my children and stay in a relationship like that. eventually i started dating this guy who was great in all ways to me and my kids. but i still kept wondering what i did wrong in my last relationship. i got some professional help and found tsahat i was feeling guilty all those years for what happened to me and i never even gave my current boyfriend a real chance. i couldnt love him because i was still in love with my ex. youre probably like the way i was and still has his birthday in your calendar and your anniversaries and your vacations and stuff. you probably still even contact him to remind him of those days. what i really learned through my therapy was to look outside of myself. i found my answer when i asked myself "would you be proud of your daughter marrying the same type of man"? ask yourself that question and maybe you have your answer. just my 2 cents. p.s. shortly after that, i fell in love with my boyfriend and we got married.
i was trying add that we are all now very happy. maybe both of your man are not right for you but you will find out like i did in time. you're very pretty and should have no problem bagging the right man.
by seriousnuts17 months ago
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