Marry the one you love or the one who loves you?

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  1. seriousnuts profile image60
    seriousnutsposted 12 years ago

    Marry the one you love or the one who loves you?

    Would you rather marry the person you love but does not love you as much OR marry someone you don't love but is head over heels on you?

  2. davidkaluge profile image62
    davidkalugeposted 12 years ago

    well, it is neither here nor there because love should be shared by both for it to last. However, lover can not claim to love each other equally which means one may love than the other. The options are same because if you marry someone you love,then you have to make the love work by sticking with him or her and make her/him love you. If you marry someone you dont love but who loves you then the person will have to do the same. Yet if one must choose between the two evil then it is better to marry someone you can at least be sure truly loves you not minding if you love him/her or not. For instance I shall love to marry someone I am sure is truly in love with me.

  3. JMAW profile image59
    JMAWposted 12 years ago

    i'd rather not marry if either scenario was the case, but then again i am not that big on the idea of marriage, i don't need the piece of paper to share my love.  tax breaks maybe, but the paper, nah...

  4. edhan profile image38
    edhanposted 12 years ago

    I will go with two ways love. Love the one and love you back. That is the perfect condition. That way, I will not regret the decision I have made. If I am to choose marrying a person I love but not loving me back, I will regret if it turns out bad. Or choosing the person who loves me but I do not, I will also regret. So, I rather wait for the right one to come along.

  5. your cybersister profile image60
    your cybersisterposted 12 years ago

    If those were my only two choices I would stay single.  In my opinion marrying someone I don't love or someone who doesn't love me much are both recipes for disaster and heartbreak.

    1. Prakash RnP profile image40
      Prakash RnPposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      But what's love, what's marriage, whether a love match is a true marriage or a travesty of a marriage, or whether love and marriage are at all reconcilable-- are answers to all these questions clear to you?

    2. cianeko profile image87
      cianekoposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with your idea. I'd rather stay single than marry someone who can't reciprocate my feelings or someone whom I don't love. Either way could make me feel lonely still. Loneliness inside the cage of marriage is unimaginable.

    3. Vonda Gee profile image58
      Vonda Geeposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I so the charade will eventually take its toll

    4. profile image0
      Anastasia Rokinaposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Well, in every relationship the dynamic will always sway more to one side than the other. Absolutely equal love from both ends doesn't exist.

  6. ChristineVianello profile image60
    ChristineVianelloposted 12 years ago

    Interesting question but either option will end up not happily. The worst feeling in the world is loving someone that does not love you back. If you marry someone that loves you and you do not love them as much would just make you and the other person miserable. I think I would have to be single.

  7. ravenlt04 profile image60
    ravenlt04posted 12 years ago

    You HAVE to marry someone you love or it just won't work!  You will end up using and abusing (cheating) that person and still won't be fulfilled.  I would avoid either situation!  I wouldn't want to be the person being used either!  I still, though I don't think I would prefer it, think my conscience would be more at ease if not the abuser.

  8. Felixedet2000 profile image57
    Felixedet2000posted 12 years ago

    It is advisable to marry someone you love and know that the person loves you in return, because it is possible for you to be the one who is doing the loving without corresponding love in return.

  9. windresistant profile image60
    windresistantposted 12 years ago

    Hell, I'd rather just be with someone who loves me and who I love... even if that is just myself. If someone is so desperate that they must be married, they are missing this first step!

    If I absolutely had to chose, I'd chose the one who loved me, because I can always change myself, but I can't change anyone else.

  10. Jowy2000 profile image91
    Jowy2000posted 12 years ago

    (If I had to pick) I'd rather marry someone I don't love, at least that way I know they can be happy and I'm sure they would treat me well. As awkward, strange, and probably impossible the situation is, if they truly loved me deeply, it would feel good to be able to let them live that out. I would also avoid having to be crushed by someone I loved but didn't love me back. I feel like I would be much better to someone I didn't love but loved me than taking my chances with someone I loved but didn't love me. I just feel like I would be able to be at least moderately satisfied being in a secure relationship with someone who loved me and treated me well. (obviously not ideal!!!!! but this is if I really had to pick)

  11. downpourofwords profile image41
    downpourofwordsposted 12 years ago

    It's a dilemma which most of the people not in love face. I believe that the idea of marrying a person who loves you has been blown out of proportion. If you do not love someone and your feelings for him/her are not true, then how can you expect to treat him/her with utmost respect and love? Yes he/she would treat you like a prince/queen coz he/she loves you. But what's the guarantee that you would not lose way and betray him/her when you see others whom might seem to be better to you?

  12. iicarpediem profile image59
    iicarpediemposted 12 years ago

    Marriage is a two way street. If he loves you but you don't love him, you are a user. If you love but he doesn't, you are just ASKING for a depression. That comes with infidelity. Why be with someone who can't make you happy.

  13. proactrdv profile image62
    proactrdvposted 12 years ago

    You should never marry anyone soley on the basis that you love them.

  14. RedxVelvet profile image61
    RedxVelvetposted 12 years ago

    If the choices were not the only ones, then I would either just stay single or choose both.  There is no point in finding someone that you are in love with, yet they care not for you the way you want them to.

    If I could not choose any other option besides the ones laid out in front of me, I would go with the person who is in love with me.  People can learn to love.  After all, Love is an action.  Not an emotion.

  15. profile image0
    JinnyMarteposted 12 years ago

    I would have to say both. You should marry the one you love and only if this person loves you too. There has to be an equal longing for it to work. It needs to be reciprocal .

  16. johncimble profile image52
    johncimbleposted 12 years ago

    i would rather  be single if there the only way to choose you won't be happy after marrige life even you have choosed the one you love but they didn't love you!?

  17. SpiffyD profile image83
    SpiffyDposted 12 years ago

    It;s too easy to say mutual love. The question really asks us to make a tough choice. If I had that choice on my plate, I'd marry the one who loves me, because I would treat that woman well and with consideration. My love could easily grow, but I wouldn't choose the other option because that may not necessarily happen.

    1. Prakash RnP profile image40
      Prakash RnPposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Are you sure that your love for her  would 'easily grow'? What if it doesn't 'grow' at all? What meaningful thing would she derive from her marriage to you if her love isn't reciprocated?

  18. kenneth3watson profile image59
    kenneth3watsonposted 12 years ago

    Its difficult to answer but i think the person who loves me is the better option for me.. because its feel great to love by someone in our life..!

  19. profile image0
    khmohsinposted 12 years ago

    I think its much better that marry the one you love and one who loves you too.Life is always difficult with one way for marriage love should be both sides like a both way traffic.

  20. Kamalesh050 profile image72
    Kamalesh050posted 12 years ago

    I would only marry someone who I love and who loves me and if I do not have this choice I would rather stay single .

  21. Ella Robinson profile image60
    Ella Robinsonposted 12 years ago

    Marry the one who loves you, because even if you don't love them they will constantly try to make you love them and the mere fact that somebody is doing so much and cares so much will eventually make you love them. When i met my partner i told him that we could just be friends nothing more but it didn't discourage him he chased me for two years he became my closest friend when i was upset he was the first person there, everyday he would do something different to show me how much he loves me and do you know what i fell for him and he is my one true love. On that note i just want to say love is a friendship which evolves to so much greater levels. If its all physical it will never work. (its been five years since we have been together)

    1. profile image52
      ffanposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I like that..its all about luck sometimes.

    2. Leo Thibeaux profile image54
      Leo Thibeauxposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      i REALLY needed to read this... thank you so much

  22. azure_sky profile image61
    azure_skyposted 12 years ago

    Gosh....this is a difficult question!! I've been in relationships that went both ways, but have only been married once. Before I take that step again, I'm going to hold out for a man that loves me as much as I love him. I have a nasty habit of "loving to excess", and it really sucks when you realize that the other party doesn't feel as strongly as you do. On the flip side, it is as equally upsetting when you realize that someone is loving YOU to excess, and you can't return the favor, because it just isn't in your heart to do so....good question!! One that I will "park" in my brain and mull over for some time to come!

  23. SpanStar profile image62
    SpanStarposted 12 years ago

    Mutual love is the desired goal. The idea of marrying someone you do not love can result in even less appreciation of that person down the road.

    Marrying someone that you love well it's easy to see the correlation.

  24. profile image49
    jasondkposted 12 years ago

    Because of mutual appreciation and love is the beginning, because the heart and fell in love, as inseparable from each other and get married, but more important is the need of tolerance, understanding, work habits and life will adapt. The love is a fate.

  25. Amara Arielle profile image60
    Amara Arielleposted 12 years ago

    It's such a hard question to answer, because I've been in both situations.  I've been the person less loved and the person more loved, and neither is really what you should have.  It's easy to just say neither, and go for a mutual love, but sometimes what we are looking for is just to be loved at all.  If you really think that you can have a life and be happy with the one who loves you more, and that perhaps your love can grow, then I think you should try it with them.  But if you don't see yourself ever really loving them, don't waste their time.  It's not fair to them to give you all that love and not get it back.  The same goes the other way.  Do you really want to love someone so much but have them not care about you?  It's heartbreaking.  You deserve more than that.  Think about your own self-worth, and what will really make you happy, and then the decision should come to you.

  26. jstelletello profile image59
    jstelletelloposted 12 years ago

    They say love can grow, so as long as I enjoyed the person's company I would marry someone who is head over heels for me and let it grow for me. However, I have found that this can backfire so I would have to really know the person well before making the decision.

  27. Traffic Creator profile image61
    Traffic Creatorposted 12 years ago

    I'd rather marry someone who loves me. Because if I enjoy the person's company, may be after some times my love can grow with that person.

  28. Barine Sambaris profile image66
    Barine Sambarisposted 12 years ago

    Love is a choice. We fall in love with those around us and with all the little things they do to make us happy. So i'll marry the one who loves me more and i'll grow to love and respect him equally.

  29. wealthseeker profile image62
    wealthseekerposted 12 years ago

    Hopefully, both things to be good, one you love and one who loves you are the same. That would be ideal.

  30. Anonye profile image56
    Anonyeposted 12 years ago

    In both situation, you can't marry cus marriag needs love from both partners

  31. polgas profile image59
    polgasposted 12 years ago

    It is a tricky question. However, Love should be unconditional. You love someone, comes with it accepting everything about the person.
    Marry the one you love, you are not certain if the person will love you back.
    Marry the who loves you, in time you will learn to love the other person also. Just maybe.
    The most important factor for me I think is whether you will be happy.

    1. Prakash RnP profile image40
      Prakash RnPposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Would the girl be happy if she marries the guy that lacks the capacity he need possess in order to make a worthy hubby just beacuse she loves him?

  32. KyleBear profile image59
    KyleBearposted 12 years ago

    Marry both, if you're allowed that is.
    Someone you love is equally important as someone who loves you in my opinion.

  33. BethanRose profile image67
    BethanRoseposted 12 years ago

    It's a tricky one. It's nice to have that one person who adores you, it's a special thing to have and quite hard to find. I don't think I'd ever marry someone just because I loved them, I'd need that security and comfort of having them love me back.
    I would marry someone who I love and who loves me.
    But.... if I had to choose, I'd marry someone who is head over heels with me. It feels good to be loved, and I appreciate those who love me.

  34. Thek1ngsway profile image63
    Thek1ngswayposted 12 years ago

    Yep. See the thing is that even if i wanted to marry the girl (in my case) that i love , the chances are that she wouldnt accept , or might even go as far as make a clown out of me .

    Thats as far as ill go . This really is a trick question or a trap question

  35. JT Walters profile image73
    JT Waltersposted 12 years ago

    Marry the one who loves you and the one you love.  It has to work both ways or it will not work at all.

  36. profile image56
    structuredesignposted 12 years ago

    God that's a tough question! You make it so difficult by not giving any other choices sad

  37. beachbuggy5 profile image59
    beachbuggy5posted 12 years ago

    It's got to be's out there...but it sure makes it harder to be without each other.  You can tell....absence hurts both of you, arguing hurts both of you, intimacy is great for both of you...understanding and forgiveness come easier...just my opinion and experience.  Married 24 yrs to a fine man and excellent father to our 3 children. goes by too  fast....I wish...we could slow it down.

  38. ThunderKeys profile image63
    ThunderKeysposted 12 years ago

    I agree with SpiffyD. A healthy long term relationship is one based on reciprocally hearing and meeting core relationship needs. If you can do that in one of the scenarios you've described, marry that person.

    - Duddy.

  39. Leanna McCarthy profile image60
    Leanna McCarthyposted 12 years ago

    I would stay single. Love can grow, it’s true, but if you force it to grow it will never be as true and enjoyable as if it had blossomed on its own. Better to enter into a lifelong partnership on equal ground.

  40. RandomThoughts... profile image65
    RandomThoughts...posted 12 years ago

    I have been in both kinds of relationships. One is not less painful than the other. Either I spent too much time trying to figure out how much they loved me or not and when it would end, or I was flooded in guilt for being with someone that I truly didn't love. Either way, I wouldn't do it again.

    If there is not equality and true love, I don't want it. It is the definition of a good relationship to have communication...then you are both up to date on the constant change in feelings and growth.

  41. woodamarc profile image44
    woodamarcposted 12 years ago

    The feeling of love for someone must be mutually balanced.  If not, it will be hard to hold a long term relationship together.

  42. profile image52
    Vicahaposted 12 years ago

    I just want to say I'd rather marry the person i love!

  43. hitesh1985 profile image60
    hitesh1985posted 12 years ago

    It depends on Your Nature,Either you drive Yourself or allow to drive  someone in both case the road always will go to the Hell.

  44. lisajim profile image58
    lisajimposted 12 years ago

    lolz,i also thinking of this question,it you choose one who u
    love more,it means that u will give more than he give u,
    if u choose one who love u more,and u will enjoy more,
    it depends on u

  45. Naomi's Banner profile image74
    Naomi's Bannerposted 12 years ago

    This is a question that I can't answer either way. I would not marry someone that did not love me nor would I marry if I did not love in return.  I do know that love can and does grow on you but the marriage is usually doomed from the beginning without mutual love.
    If you pray and decide to love it is possible to love someone in time.  Love is definately a decision.

  46. profile image51
    stephenreltposted 12 years ago

    I think marriage is really big point of our life,so you never marry with one you love,you should be marry with who loves you. … f+Unwanted

  47. danfresnourban profile image60
    danfresnourbanposted 12 years ago

    It is true that love can grow. It is also true that marrying someone who loves you, but you do not love places you in a position of power.

    With that said, there is nothing so fulfilling, so passionate, so completing than to love with everything you are and to be loved unconditionally and selflessly by someone who you love.

    It has been offered in another answer, but I will repeat it. I would not marry at all, rather stay single.

  48. TCDesign profile image60
    TCDesignposted 12 years ago

    Marry the one YOU love! I was at this crossroads a few years ago...a former love who was in love with me and a new love that I was in love with! I ended up moving and marrying the new love and it was the best and right choice for me! I am so happy smile

    I can see the temptation in wanting to pick being with the one who loves you but in the end, I think that it is better to be true to yourself and the other person.

  49. profile image0
    ExoticHippieQueenposted 12 years ago

    Seriously? Can't it be both. While one always loves more than the other, it's entirely possible to have your cake and eat it too.  The important point here is you better not just settle for what you think you can get.  You won't be happy. In my experience, you are the happiest when you marry the one you love.  You may stumble across heartache along the way, but if you marry the one who loves you, you will end up like I did on my second marriage, looking out the car window and wondering where my soulmate was at that moment because I was so not in love with my husband.  Being in love and miserable is way better than being with someone you don't really'll end up being miserable anyway.

    1. Leo Thibeaux profile image54
      Leo Thibeauxposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      omg wow this is so true but breaks my heart

  50. folorunsho80 profile image66
    folorunsho80posted 12 years ago

    Love they said is a reciprocal and suppose to be mutually balance.But for the question,i will rather marry someone i love,i belief love grow by caring and nurturing,with time she we develop love for.


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